Not what you were looking for?
I'll be more specific.
Do we have members with long term experience in this type of relationship, could you please share insights?
I've been dating an ENFP (who I mistook for an INFP until recently) since last April. While I'm a male (borderline) INFJ and she's a female ENFP, the gender roles don't seem to be as significant as one might assume. My male ENFP friends tend to complain about the same things as female ENFP friends in relationships. Like this...
Does it work? (without him becoming the president of the United States) Don't get me wrong, becoming the president is not such a big deal, but I wouldn't necessarily expect this to be sign for healthy relationship.
... more often than anything it's this selfish crying about being 'pushed' and having the inconvenience of expectations placed upon them to be remotely successful in life, rather than just do whatever they want whenever they want however they want... and yet magically have everything they need appear in their cupboards, closets, and bank accounts.
From my research (not as much personal experience, but observation of the dynamic of others), it seems ENFP can never live up to INFJ's expectations, and that leads to dissatisfaction. At "best", it produces some ENFP cult-leaders or pseudo-scientific authors, which in end rarely helps anyone.
... and here is more of that crying. "Woe is me. The people who are suppose to support my lack of interest in being a complete slacker are forcing me to make something of myself, and actually use the AMAZING talents I have at my disposal... my INCREDIBLE creativity, EXCELLENT intelligence, REMARKABLE compassion, and MONSTROUS talent at anything I put my hand to..."
Most of the time, I care that my ENFPs don't like to be pushed. Most of the time, I accept that they're WAY oversensitive to it. And then other times, I get sick of hearing about it... when you guys start to insist is that it is unfair. And that's a crock. Average run of the mill S types don't have an INKLING of the talent and ability you guys have. Hell, most of the N types don't even have it, and it is ABSOLUTELY unfair that you don't share it with the world every chance you get!
Hmph!
(I hope this explains the other perspective well enough to be understood.
)
In all seriousness though, these sorts of issues DO have a gender bias. Males in our society are expected to be providers while females, for some reason I can't seem to reconcile with the whole concept of 'equality' we've embraced, are allowed to get away with a lot more 'I don't feel like it'.
INFJ males and females seem to use the same support and prompting tactics when dealing with their mates, but INFJ females probably have less patience with it and are more willing to leave a man who won't fulfill this role. Fair? Probably not, but that's the nature of biology right there. Females want a protector and a provider. It's instinctive. Men can accept having to take care of their female to a fair degree because we're wired to provide and protect.
I think the biggest issue I've seen in these relationships is the difference between the ENFP and INFJ levels of acceptable provision and protection. ENFPs have lower standards in this regard when it comes to providing and protecting. If things are okay, then things are okay. INFJs, especially INFJ females tend to want a little more security and plan further ahead than ENFPs. As long as the two partners can address this and accept that they have differing expectations, then a compromise can be reached if both of them are willing to accept that the other will never agree.
