Girlfriend

[Faye]

Is it worth it?

That depends on what exactly "it" is.

I don't want a superficial relationship. I'm going to be dating a person, not an object.

And the replies to this thread are in large part superficial. I can't approach anything in my life that way. Of course, superficial approaches to relationships are conventional, so the replies are to be expected I guess. If I take the conventional wisdom on relationships seriously (get ripped, be a man, basically be a bro), I will wind up in a conventional relationship. Conventional relationships, as far as I have observed, are not particularly fruitful. At least, I don't think my needs will be met in one.

 

[Faye]

Is it worth it?

That depends on what exactly "it" is.

I don't want a superficial relationship. I'm going to be dating a person, not an object.

And the replies to this thread are in large part superficial. I can't approach anything in my life that way. Of course, superficial approaches to relationships are conventional, so the replies are to be expected I guess. If I take the conventional wisdom on relationships seriously (get ripped, be a man, basically be a bro), I will wind up in a conventional relationship. Conventional relationships, as far as I have observed, are not particularly fruitful. At least, I don't think my needs will be met in one.

 

[Quinlan]

Tell them you have a huge package.

 

[Faye]

.................

 

[Flavus Aquila]

That depends on what exactly "it" is.

I don't want a superficial relationship. I'm going to be dating a person, not an object.

And the replies to this thread are in large part superficial. I can't approach anything in my life that way. Of course, superficial approaches to relationships are conventional, so the replies are to be expected I guess. If I take the conventional wisdom on relationships seriously (get ripped, be a man, basically be a bro), I will wind up in a conventional relationship. Conventional relationships, as far as I have observed, are not particularly fruitful. At least, I don't think my needs will be met in one.

Good point:


It is clumsy to say, because it is so obvious:
if you develop external (superficial) attributes to attract someone, you are inviting a relationship with someone attracted to superficialities.

This doesn't sound good for an INFJ.

 

[Matariki]

I do those things to a moderate extent, except for looking feminine. For example, today I ran ~5 miles, and I regularly go to the gym, but I don't have a six pack. Having a six pack requires one to have a particularly low body fat ratio. I'm not sure how I could realistically achieve that without semi-starving myself, and I'm in no condition to deal with the anxiety that semi-starvation would produce. Though, I will say that I am not fat, at all (or so I've been told by multiple people). It is not quite the same as what is required for having a six pack.

As for looking feminine, I'm not convinced that many women like feminine looking men, particularly ENTPs and ENFPs. Even if they do like feminine looking men, I used to look much more feminine (I had long hair), and it did not go over well. I am not an individual who can pull off long hair effectively. Never in my life did I receive as many compliments as the day that I cut my long hair off, especially from women. I'll never grow it out again.

I know that I'm a generally attractive person (at least, the people on Hotornot seem to think so). How I look is not the issue. The issue is figuring out when/who/how to ask a girl out. I don't know if I just haven't found the right person yet or what, but it is depressing being lonely.

Don't worry about it dragon, I was just teasing you.

Personally I like my feminine men, the longer the hair the better.
Out of all honesty, I think, like men (although I could be wrong), like other human beings that are true to themselves.

Do you feel insecure that you don't have a partner? Or is it more of a depression thing?
I mean, we all get depressed and lonely. I have days when I wish I had someone by my side, but I don't. I never have and I don't know if I ever will. So I make do by working and hanging out with my friends and family.

Maybe what you need is some good old fashioned friends.

 

[Ria]

Hey Dragon,

It's a serious thing, the contemplations you are having. Relationships, loneliness, what to do and what not to do etc. are very real and difficult issues. It's very rare that people find it easy to get through the dating game unscathed. I would also have to tell you that there is no need to go around trying to change yourself so that you have a 6 pack, because if a girl is going to be interested in you, it had better be for who you are, not "what she can look at". Lots of girls don't feel comfortable with guys who are in amazing physical shape anyway, because often times, we gals are so worried about not having the flattest tummies for attracting you guys, that a guy with just a normal looking body, is so much more of a secure feeling for us. We are looking for someone who can match us in a fairly equal way in most areas, and we need a guy to have the capacity to understand himself, us and to be able to have a conversation. During my time here, I have come to know you fairly well over PM's. Please believe me when I say that you have a lot to offer a girl. You care about others being happy, and can see objectively how things are panning out. You are able to look at yourself, and experience your inner world, and when you share it, it paints a picture of a very interersting and unique guy. There is certainly nothing superficial about you, and believe me, all people (guys and girls alike), like people like yourself. I wish I could help you more, or say something better to help you feel more confident and sure.

 

[Faye]

Out of all honesty, I think, like men (although I could be wrong), like other human beings that are true to themselves.

I'm not sure what you're trying to say here.

Do you feel insecure that you don't have a partner? Or is it more of a depression thing?
I mean, we all get depressed and lonely. I have days when I wish I had someone by my side, but I don't. I never have and I don't know if I ever will. So I make do by working and hanging out with my friends and family.

Maybe what you need is some good old fashioned friends.

I don't necessarily feel insecure or depressed because of this, but I do feel lonely. I'm lonely because I do not have a girlfriend, and I want a girlfriend to be in a relationship, which I think is normal. It isn't as much a ruminative lonely as it is a loneliness resulting from the fact that I constantly find myself w/ all my friends and realize that just about all of them are in relationships.

Yes, we all do get depressed and lonely, but my family is far away (and wouldn't hang out with me anyway really), and I have more friends than I can handle. I don't need more friends, particularly more females friends who just want to be friends. What I need is someone with whom to be intimate.

I don't think this is something that women can as easily understand because the nature of their friendships with other women is so different than the nature of friendships among straight men (I wont speak for gays). I think as a woman that it is easier to be content only having friends than it is for a man to be content with only having friends, especially if that man is INFJ. That is only a guess though.

Hey Dragon,

It's a serious thing, the contemplations you are having. Relationships, loneliness, what to do and what not to do etc. are very real and difficult issues. It's very rare that people find it easy to get through the dating game unscathed. I would also have to tell you that there is no need to go around trying to change yourself so that you have a 6 pack, because if a girl is going to be interested in you, it had better be for who you are, not "what she can look at". Lots of girls don't feel comfortable with guys who are in amazing physical shape anyway, because often times, we gals are so worried about not having the flattest tummies for attracting you guys, that a guy with just a normal looking body, is so much more of a secure feeling for us. We are looking for someone who can match us in a fairly equal way in most areas, and we need a guy to have the capacity to understand himself, us and to be able to have a conversation. During my time here, I have come to know you fairly well over PM's. Please believe me when I say that you have a lot to offer a girl. You care about others being happy, and can see objectively how things are panning out. You are able to look at yourself, and experience your inner world, and when you share it, it paints a picture of a very interersting and unique guy. There is certainly nothing superficial about you, and believe me, all people (guys and girls alike), like people like yourself. I wish I could help you more, or say something better to help you feel more confident and sure.

Why is he more secure? Is it because you are less worried that someone else will take them? I would feel that way if I was with a particularly attractive woman- you know they have options.


I hope that I have a lot to offer a girl, and thank you Ria.