@just me Yes, the worst thing you can do to someone like that is take sexual advantage of them. I'm borderline asexual myself, so I kept internalizing her feelings and stressing out over the situation. What makes it even worse is that she already struggled with depression and body image issues.This is the worst thing that could have happened to her. It makes me sick.
though it may not be enough to help.
), warm and open and it's some type of projection on their part. I've had some people come harass me unexpectedly, like I'd been flirting with them all night when I honestly haven't even really paid them any attention. It's really annoying. One incident: I was hanging out post show with some friends and their friends. We were joking around and riding the pimped out bicycles outside the venue. I kept falling and laughed my butt off. There was a pleasant fun atmosphere. I went inside and suddenly this guy (who I didn't even notice, didn't talk to not one word) just stands next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. I just walk away. I was flabbergasted. This kind of stuff is very common. It irks me because I haven't done anything to invite it and it bother's me someone in their heads seem to think I've become their girlfriend all of a sudden or builds up this thing in their minds that we're having a "moment" when I'm thinking about my groceries list or the pattern of the wallpaper blissfully unaware of the great love story unfolding. I guess I have this warm, pixie, vulnerable, doey, laissez-faire vibe to me at times when I let my guard down and people interpret that as flirty or weak or at times stupid. Then they treat me according to that image and smack right into the brick wall that is the wrong side of me which is less fluffy to say the least. It's all in there. I'm just generally polite and considerate or at least try to be because I think it's right, good and proper, so I try not to act like a ----. People who have other types of worldviews, the dog-eat-dog never show vulnerability types, interpret that as you having an inherently weak and malleable character, which is of course not true. Sigh. ... ...
) I was crushed.
I cut my best friend out of my life (well, best friend throughout the teenage years) about 3 years ago. It was complicated. We were ridiculously close to the point people thought we were in a relationship or were bound to be anytime soon.
I was engaged to someone else and pregnant with his child. Pregnancy wasn't easy for me, I had hormones from hell and I was sick the entire pregnancy. I ended my engagement towards the end of my first trimester and it was a really hard time for me. There were some revelations about the relationship around that time, and when my ex realised I wasn't going to change my mind and take him back he got even more abusive than he had been previously. I had a lot of fear about him and about what could happen when the baby was born. I expressed some of this to my friend, and he would act like i was being ridiculous instead of just listening to my fears and letting me feel. He was just generally insensitive.
I saw the baby move for the first time at 4 months, I had witnesses, and it was definitely baby. He was the first person I told and he pissed all over the most exciting moment of my life at that time. He basically scoffed and told me it was too early, there was no way it could happen and i was imagining things. (As if he knew anything about pregnancy?!
I turned 21 when I was pregnant. I was quite heavily pregnant and not able for much, I was in no mood for a 21st, but I did not want to spend the day sitting in my flat alone either so I booked said frienda couple of months in advance, asking if he would spend the day with me. He said of course. He was working as a music teacher at the time, so he could pick his own hours. I was at a friend 21st 3 days before my own, and he came up to me and told e that he coudln't hang out till 4.30 in the afternoon....just in time to come along for a free meal with me and my family. I was hurt and furious that he could be such an ass. I disinvited him to dinner with my family, but did so in a way that didn't seem like he was being disinvited and had him come to the house for breakfast with me and my sister instead. He showed up and talked to my dad about himself for most of the morning, whilst managing to insult my sister numerous times till she pretty much cursed at him.
After that I just kind of cut him out. I didn't hang out with him much, and when we did see each other it was awkward. I ended up deleting him off of FB. I saw him at wedding recently after him being very cold with me for years. He cme over as he wanted to make things "right" I agreed with him as I'd wanted to do that for a while. I said I didn't want things to be the way they had been, but I wanted to be friends again. He proceeded to tell me he wasn't sure if he wanted that and then asked if that was "Crushing" to me.
I was proud of how polite I was, I smiled whilst saying it didn't bother me at all, we hadn't talked for years ater all. Inside I laughed and thought "Christ girl, you made the right choice 3 years ago!" I don't think I could have been more insulted. Must think pretty highly of himself to think I'd be crushed, as if i'd been pining or something!
Wow, I am absolutely speechless. I can't believe they tried to even kill you, some people are just so... crazy! O_O Definitely quite glad you were able to leave those people. Thank you for those words at the end, very inspiring.
I never knew you endured such a thing, that must have been hard. You definitely made the right choice.
Hey chulo, I hope you do not think I am mad at my friend at the moment, in fact, I forgave her a long time ago and I am not mad anymore (although I really did feel quite angry at the moment).
It is not the single act of what she did, but rather, the repetitive acts and the constant apologies over our long years of friendship, all of which leave me drained. I could perhaps find it in my heart to overlook this single act, but this has been happening over and over for several years. Were we to continue this, it would only happen again.
I also hope you do not think that I did not attempt to tell her how I feel; I did, and she again brought up things that happened with her dad and began emotionally draining me. As for gossip and talking about other people's back, that is another reason why I am leaving... I am such a quiet person, it only drains me more. I try not to talk about it or think about it, and in fact, except with my best friend, I haven't really gotten to express the frustrations with it except anonymously on this forum. I really don't like it when others talk badly about others very often. This is another thing I have endured from this friendship in fact, and another reason I am leaving as well; she has said bad things about every person she knows, and I just can't take it anymore and be quiet when I feel it is so mean. I have tried talking to her about it as well, but then she lashes out in anger because she wants me to agree. There is actually a lot more manipulation and things I endured that perhaps if you knew about you would understand. But for the most part I don't even want to talk about it or go into detail here; I just simply want to get away and forget about it.
I have already tried staying cool with her, but it doesn't work. The way I see it is like I'm in a bad relationship. In a way, it's better for the both of us if we never talk again, I don't think she benefits from this relationship either because I'm just too passive. She needs someone to be more assertive with her, but I am not strong enough to do that. Even when I do speak up, I am easily overtalked or walked over. It's a conflict of personalities, really.
Lately I feel like a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders. I only hope you can understand. But I do understand you. In fact, I used to feel the same way too, that's why I stayed so long, that's why I tried so hard. I did believe in a type of unconditional love, but now I know that sometimes there is a point where you also deserve respect back. That last thing that happened was the worst thing she ever did to me. I don't care if people are mean to me, I can forgive that eternity, but I draw the line when innocent uninvolved people I care about are also drawn into it even though they didn't do anything. I'm tired of drama/fighting too... I just want to talk about books or something honestly, or talk about something fun, etc. That's why I believe this decision has the best outcome, I just always feel so bad around her, and I often feel like I'm compromising my values to keep her happy.
Of course I will always in some way care about her, and of course I'm going to be there for her if something bad happened and if she really needed me. It just isn't going to work anymore, I know it now. There are no hard feelings between us, just not a friendship.
Addiction is terrible; I could understand why you had to make the decision you did, although no doubt it must have been hard because it was someone you really cared about. I guess in these situations it might be better because the person needs to be in a better place and choose to seek treatment or help. Choosing to get help shows the person wants to make a change for themselves and their family. Understandably, being around someone who is addicted can be very exhausting and stressful. I'm glad you were able to start a new life away from the drug environment. I just don't understand it. You must have been a really good friend to her for giving her the benefit of the doubt if she was playing mind games. Grrr, I'm getting that "people suck" feeling lol. X3 It must feel good to have people you trust and love in your life now. ^.^ Good riddance!
