My step dad and step mom started to excessively drink every night and they'd get into huge fights. It somehow drove my step dad to come into my room at night often and ramble on and on about how he thought my step mom was cheating on him, how he just wants to find love, or whatever. And he'd just be sitting on my bed while I was on my computer. Well one night it got way out of hand. He was talking to me and he hugged me and told me thanks for listening or whatever and I already felt really uncomfortable. But after that he tried pushing me down on my bed and I was like noway... And pushed him away. And he freaked out saying "I wasn't trying to do that" and I was like haha if you weren't 'trying to do that' then why the heck did you claim that you weren't when I hadn't said ANYTHING? right? so naturally i told him to leave over and over and he kept NOT LEAVING. He kept saying how I was cold and ungrateful and a child. I started having a panic attack because I was freaked out and with good reason. My friends were on skype with me, I called other friends with my phone too, I eventually got a hold of a friend that said she would pick me up when she got off of work.
So that happened and I never went home after that (besides to pack my things later). I stayed at her house and I told her parents the story. I told my mom the story. I even told my dad the story. And all of those parents? NONE OF THEM BELIEVED ME. My step mom claimed "hes my husband i cant just take your side" my dad claimed "you cant just come back here whenever something doesnt work out" and my friend's parents 'felt for me' but didnt want me staying more than a few days. I was scared and frustrated... where was I gonna go, right? My friend's grandma suggested I go to a shelter and I was NOT having that. I had just got 'let go' from my job too, so I had about 300 something in my bank that was unused.
Well it was either california and then later I also got offered to stay in texas and that's the offer I ended up going with. I could afford the bus there, but... that's about it. My best friend sent me 1,000 dollars cash so that I could live and find a job. I got a suitcase and but as much things as I could into it.. and the rest of my stuff went into storage at my Dad's house (who btw only let me stay the weekend then he said I had to leave :/) and then bought a ticket for a greyhound bus (bc flying just made me more anxious).
My parents really didn't take me seriously haha. I out of the blue said I was moving to Texas and they thought it was not real at first. I told them them two days before I left. And they were upset at ME believe it or not, for not telling them sooner. Even worse my step mom demanded that I apologize to my step dad and that I hurt HIS feelings. He pretended like he didn't do anything. I told her flat out he made me feel unsafe and she told ME to apologize.
So yeah I left! And I was really excited when I first got on the bus but then... really scared halfway through haha. but i made it. and living in texas was awesome at first. But... I mean I was a poor room mate. I was really forgetful and I didn't have a source of income, I only had what my friend had given me and I basically used it to buy food and other stuff that I needed. Moreover I was just a bad roomate and it was my first time being someone's roomate so I blame my naive way of looking at it. In any case I was still happier and better off despite that. Eventually I moved though in with my current bf and that was awesome but I went through a lot. Er rather, we did. We moved like 4 different times now because of awful instances that keep causing us to move. But w/e I was for the most part happy - i found a job, i got income now, i felt like i was actually HELPING instead of mooching so yeah.
BUT THEN stuff with my best friend happened. I mean she visited me and I was so happy and gosh I thought even more that we were going to be close friends forever. She'd told me multiple times she didn't know how she was going to make it without me, how she didn't want to go home, how scared she was and how much she needed me. She even went so far as to say that she didn't need to get into a fancy art school as long as she had me as a friend. These are messages I read over and over and at a point it made me so sad... now it just infuriates me. I feel really lied to. And the pain at first was so unbearable I was just crying every night, feeling depersonalization, and I was constantly sad. I had tried messaging her about my depressed feelings and she IGNORED them. So eventually I said whatever and sent her a really long and angry message telling her exactly how emotionally mistreated I felt. That finally made her get onto skype and talk to me.
So we talked and I heard a lot of "I'm an artist now" "I have a boyfriend now" "i need to find a balance between internet life and social life" "spending all my life on the internet isn't for me" "distance is too hard" basically excuse after excuse. And all this time I had to see on her facebook, her interacting with her other friends. TONS of photos of her other friends while she only for some reason, she posted one picture out of the thousands we took together when she got home from texas. After that it was just her other friends. And how her world is so fascinating now and how she doesn't have time to spend through text and internet because she 'doesn't know how' to use it anymore.
besides facebook.
and oh right, recently I'd seen her posting on her personal tumblr a lot.
I'd mention these things to her and she'd get mad and defensive saying she's only on a few seconds of her busy day to leave small comments and post a few things in her off time. And she doesn't want to talk to me for 'a few minutes' she wants it to be longer. But really, is talking to me for a few minutes WORSE than not talking at all? what kind of backwards logic, right?
Anyway. She claimed her need for a schedule and said "okay well how about every sunday no matter what's going on in our lives we call eachother at 9pm even if it's only to talk for 5minutes" I felt awkward being 'penciled in' but I agreed. She said she couldn't make any promises but she'd try. who says that to their best friend, right? So the first sunday comes along and she does call me. We talk for literally a minute. She says I just wanted to say hi but I have to go soon. So I told her have a nice day and that was pretty much it. The second Sunday came. I called her and she said she was with her boyfriend and she can't talk. This pisses me off beyond all reason since she said "no matter what" and basically chose a dude she can see every day over me. I give up on the schedule after that and she never called back ever. I had even texted her bc I caved after two weeks and she never responded.
I decided to ignore her. I ignored her for a month and a half and I was proud of myself. But then she called me and left a message saying she wanted to talk... naturally I caved and called back after a few days of making her wait. We caught up... again. I felt more content... I felt I was okay with things being the way they were. I accepted the fact she changed and didn't need me anymore, I wasn't her best friend anymore, and that there would never be a real explanation as to why she seemed to trash me and her other 'online' friends. So now we have this weird thing going where I try ignoring her and she calls me sometimes. It's frustrating because whenever I try telling her how hurt I am she twists it around on how selfish I am being and how I should try harder.
Yes... she actually said it's my fault for not trying harder.
And I am so confused. She used to be so different and now... she's changed so much I feel like I don't even know her anymore. Like wtf happened to my friend? Just because she gets into college and makes new friends means... our friendship isn't important anymore? She claimed many times she still cherishes me and loves me as a friend, but never shows it. so idk what to believe you know...
So anyway these things are often on my mind. My step dad keeps trying to contact me via facebook and i keep ignoring him. And I'm struggling because I know there's gonna come a day where I go back home and where I need to face my step mom. unfortunately that means facing him again too. Not really excited. And people tell me yeah I don't owe him/them anything, I don't have to see them, they treated you like shit etc... but I want things to be okay with me and my family for whatever reason. I still care for my step mom as insanely crazy she is, she still raised me and so did my Dad. (who I love a lot he just doesn't know how to act). So I just... idk I think a lot about how that's going to go down haha.
And as much as I try shutting my best friend out I get memories, I think about all the hurtful things she said to me CONSTANTLY . and it is constantly there trying to drag me down. I don't often let it anymore, but sometimes it gets me when I'm already feeling depressed and i think "woah my best friend did this, who else is going to do this to me in the future?" granted she gave me plenty of red flags haha. And for some reason I chose to let her be my friend again when I saw her crying and pleading and whatever else. Now I'm the one crying and pleading.
TLDR: yes
