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I've always found it weird how people live in the same apartment building for years but never interact with their neighbors. It depresses me that this is the kind of society I live in.

Then again, it's not like I'm very good at reaching out and creating bonds. I moved into my first apartment a few months ago and had the idea of printing out a few flyers and stick inside the door of every apartment on my floor. It would say something like "Come meet your new neighbor". But I didn't do it because I've been too scared of people rejecting the idea and/or thinking I'm silly.

So anyway, the elderly man that lives right next to me is someone I've been thinking about talking to for a long time. His face is droopy and he always has a non-friendly look on his face. I've been trying to make eye contact to create some kind of neighbor connection, but he never looks back at me. I kinda decided he must be bitter and not wanting to meet new people. When I see him he is always alone and he looks lonely. I got him a thing of chocolates for Christmas but I didn't see him around and I was too scared to knock on his door to give it to him.

Here's the kicker: like 15 mins ago, I was coming from outside and he was inside the building and about to get in the elevator. I was sure he wouldn't look back and wait for me before he walked into it. But he did! I said thank you and when I got out of the elevator I had an idea. I stepped inside my apartment and grabbed a bag of Swedish chocolates that my mom sent me, and walked back out in the hall to catch him before he walked inside his apartment. I said "Excuse me, do you like chocolate?" and his whole face completely changed to a really friendly and happy one. "Who doesn't?", he said and continued to thank me.
And that's the whole story. It meant a lot to me and I hope it meant something to him as well.

I guess I'm asking for opinions on this. How do you start talking to someone just out of the blue? Should I have not cared about his grumpiness and knocked on his door earlier? What do you do when you notice a stranger being lonely?
I struggle with how I never seem to live up to what I want mysef (or anyone else) to be. I want to do a million things but I hold back out of fear.
 
I wouldn't have knocked on his door either because I'd be afraid of intruding... It was a good idea to reach out to him in a common area, though. I don't reach out to strangers unless they're crying in public or if they've tripped or something... I think just smiling and radiating warmth is enough. If you have a good attitude and genuine kindness it will radiate outwards.

Volunteering at a shelter or a food pantry might help you come out of your shell more too. We have a group of ladies who volunteer at the shelter I work at, they come in every few weeks with craft items and do crafts with the clients. I think that's an awesome idea.
 
If you bake banana bread, and bring it to your neighbors. Makes meeting them less awkward because if nothing else you can talk about bread. And Its a good way to get things started on the right foot.
 
Phoenix Down said:
If you bake banana bread, and bring it to your neighbors. Makes meeting them less awkward because if nothing else you can talk about bread. And Its a good way to get things started on the right foot.
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Unless of course your bread it terrible. I agree with acd, I would limit to common areas. Channel your inner extrovert and think unicorns and butterflies and just speak. Hi! My name is ---- I just moved in. Nice to meet you.
 
Yeah, just go meet him again and do some happy friendly small talk.

Sure it may be a bit hard to overcome the shyness and all the related fears, but he could become a great friend and it's worth it to take the risk. =)
 
Well it sounds like according to your aspirations you would have just given him the chocolates in the first place. I guess it seems like the human condition to keep to oneself in an environment where we're practically packed like sardines in a tin. It can be pretty depressing. Personally, I would also have a hard time approaching someone out of the blue and giving them a gift. I'm conditioned to be suspicious of random acts of kindness, and it's a shame as well as something that I try to struggle against (from time to time), but I think that it is a prevalent attitude, especially in more densely populated areas such as the metropolis in which you live.

Though it took an initial act of kindness from him in holding the elevator for you, you nonetheless showed some initiative of your own by choosing to reciprocate with more than just a cordial nod or a work of thanks. In the environment in which many of us live, this can be challenging, but it's cool that you were able to go ahead and try it. Hopefully it will serve to bolster your willingness to continue to do so. Of course, as you know, this won't guarantee you a positive response every time, but I think that it's important that you do not restrain yourself from continuing to try to get to know people because of the possibility of a negative outcome.

As I tend to have the presenting appearance of a street hood most of the time, I am not unfamiliar with being regarded with suspicion on the rare occasions that I am in a position to try to do something positive. One time I noticed a dollar that had been dropped on the ground outside of a grocery store. I grabbed it and approached the person nearest to it under the assumption that he might possibly have dropped it. As I addressed him and explained myself he didn't speak a word, scowled at me, shook his head and got in his car. On another occasion I noticed someone whose car was leaking fluid as he sat in it in the post office parking lot. Once again, as I tried to signal to him, I was met with a scowl and a look of the utmost irritation as the gentlemen barely cracked his window to address me. It turned out that it was just condensation from his air conditioner, but nonetheless it was a bit of a discouraging experience for me.

As a contrast, this kind of behavior can change from locale to locale. About a year ago, I happened to be attending a friend's wedding in Tennessee. Most of us were from California, and when we arrived, we stopped at the local grocery store to stock up on provisions. Well, when we got everything we needed and made it to the checkout counter, we were all feverishly trying to bag everything up, which seemed to take forever because of all that we had bought. Well, contrary to our fears at holding up the line, the checkstand clerk was not at all disturbed, and for all intents and purposes seemed perfectly satisfied to hear my friend's life story. Not only that, but none of the people in line behind us seemed annoyed in the slightest. It was all congratulations and/or complete indifference to the wait. Aside from the KKK etc., the place definitely had a warmth to it that is largely absent in SoCal culture.

So anyway, in light of the events that you related, try to keep that going. The world needs more of it.
 
I think what you did was lovely, particularly because I could have been that "grumpy" man. I'm very introverted and also shy, so I don't make eye contact with anyone I don't know and I don't feel comfortable speaking to strangers. I usually walk around with a very neutral, emotionless expression. But, if someone makes an effort to talk to me, I can open up and enjoy a conversation. If someone gave me chocolate, wow, I'd fall over with excitement! It's not that I'm particularly lonely because I have strong, close relationships with family and a few friends, but it's hard to overcome my introversion and shyness and expand beyond my current social circle. I'd like to, though. So, if that grumpy old man is anything like me, you did a good deed.
 
I think you handled this well....you saw a natural opportunity and seized upon it with sincerity. I think this works well as so many people put up intentional bariers to socialization these days...I would hate to cross a boundary unintentionally and be considered an intrusion. Being present to the moment and the little opportunities life presents is a reasonable approach.

I am far from grumpy, but I am "an old man living alone in an apartment." I think in this place one becomes accustomed to being overlooked and ignored, and so expectation of a warm reception is very, very low. Extreme apprehension is more common, and in any ways I can understand this. I tread lightly as to not cause alarm, but when the opportunity presents itself I am ready to avail myself to a nice conversation while being careful to respect the comfort level of the other. I run into this all the time here at home, at the little restaurant I dine at, at work, and on mass transit. I am fortunate in that, in spite of the social barriers that could exist, I have had/do have some wonderful friendships with people young and old but, again, I know my place and am quite comfortable in it. It's not necessarily a barrier.
 
Sonyab said:
Unless of course your bread it terrible. I agree with acd, I would limit to common areas. Channel your inner extrovert and think unicorns and butterflies and just speak. Hi! My name is ---- I just moved in. Nice to meet you.
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Well, I have neighbors and they really drive me nuts! They are the "Save the world NOW type of people. They do not like it when you start your car or work vehicle to go to work because it pollutes the earth. The driveway when it snows is 100% cleared and they even will melt the ice.
How would you communicate with these types of people?
 
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I really like the bread idea!

when I moved into this new place, I felt the same way, I wanted to get to know my new neighbours, but felt wierd knocking on their doors...

A friend of mine who knew some people on the street introduced me to some of my neighbours though and that was awesome. we ended up having a barbecue.

I'd start small, find a few that you'd like to get to know better, as many as your table will permit perhaps, and invite them for dinner or lunch or something [if you can cook that is].
 
I cant help you conversate with people, because i have yet to figure that out myself...but what you did sounds awesome and im sure it made both of you feel good, so do it again. give to the whole world : )
 
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