[INFJ] Help needed: how to approach an INFJ?

[INTP user]

Thanks for your responses!

My messages were infrequent so 11 months is not a big volume of information. Chatting is inefficient because you miss all body language information. When I meet someone in person I can quickly tell if I will like someone, via written messages it is much harder and you end up with an incomplete picture. I also didn't try to ask her out since a few months. To be specific I tried to ask out only one at the beginning but her response was that I she is sorry but she doesn't meet strangers. She didn't know much about me at the time. Generally I felt some resistance when trying to talk about the physical space. I decided to share more information, build some foundation and than try again to ask out. I simply plan to dwell in her mind and I hope one day it will be to late for her to turn back

My thoughts:

- she is extremely shy (this is my impression) and act passive (in many aspects). My guess is she expects me to act because I have much more information about her the she has about me
- I made my intentions rather very obvious. If she wasn't interested at all she could just act coldly and make it die naturally. She was evenly enthusiastic all the time - it is hard to guess if it is just kindness. After long (really quite long) time without me messaging her, she sent me something. Again, my intentions were obvious. If she wasn't interested in anything, it was perfect situation to escape the situation without drama. She not only initiated something, but showered me with compliments with intensity I never experienced in my life She should be aware of consequences.. I red that INFJs often seem to be cold when interested because of shyness and than desperately try to fix that.. than go back to acting coldly.
- no thoughts left

Correct me if I am wrong (I know you like it!)

 

[INTP user]

Just reread this whole thread. What a wild ride.

If I can provide such a wild ride, than I must be a great companion

 

[JennyDaniella]

Thanks for your responses!

My messages were infrequent so 11 months is not a big volume of information. Chatting is inefficient because you miss all body language information. When I meet someone in person I can quickly tell if I will like someone, via written messages it is much harder and you end up with an incomplete picture. I also didn't try to ask her out since a few months. To be specific I tried to ask out only one at the beginning but her response was that I she is sorry but she doesn't meet strangers. She didn't know much about me at the time. Generally I felt some resistance when trying to talk about the physical space. I decided to share more information, build some foundation and than try again to ask out. I simply plan to dwell in her mind and I hope one day it will be to late for her to turn back

My thoughts:

- she is extremely shy (this is my impression) and act passive (in many aspects). My guess is she expects me to act because I have much more information about her the she has about me
- I made my intentions rather very obvious. If she wasn't interested at all she could just act coldly and make it die naturally. She was evenly enthusiastic all the time - it is hard to guess if it is just kindness. After long (really quite long) time without me messaging her, she sent me something. Again, my intentions were obvious. If she wasn't interested in anything, it was perfect situation to escape the situation without drama. She not only initiated something, but showered me with compliments with intensity I never experienced in my life She should be aware of consequences.. I red that INFJs often seem to be cold when interested because of shyness and than desperately try to fix that.. than go back to acting coldly.
- no thoughts left

Correct me if I am wrong (I know you like it!)

Hi there, bud.

Hmmm, have you offered the idea on Facetiming or Skyping for a brief time? I mean if she isn't ready for a IRL interaction--- which is understandable considering you both still don't know each other too well---maybe Skype or Facetime can be a step forward? Or maybe a phone call?

I know you really like her, but I just want you to be aware to not put your hopes up too high considering you still don't know her too well considering the sporadic and infrequent messaging.

Honestly, it is still way too difficult to tell if she genuinely has the same reciprocation of feelings as you do.

Also it depends on the INFJ. Not every INFJ is the same. I myself when I like someone--- considering how shy I am--- I, unfortunately have the dumb tendency on hiding my feelings, and the other guy being completely clueless on how I feel about them due to fear of rejection or something of that nature; soooo it could apply to the same thing to the girl you like, but some other INFJs can be upfront too. It really honestly depends.

At the end of the day, I think you are putting waaaay too much thought and emphasis on this girl considering how slow things have progressed in the last 11 months. As I mentioned before; consider asking her if she would like to either doing a phone call, or Skype/Facetime sometime. Then go from there.

 

[Professor Snep]

I simply plan to dwell in her mind and I hope one day it will be to late for her to turn back

Correct me if I am wrong

You're wrong.

And you sound creepy.

Just stawp it, you're dwelling in your own dreams and it sounds like a nightmare.

 

[INTP user]

Hi there, bud.
Hmmm, have you offered the idea on Facetiming or Skyping for a brief time? I mean if she isn't ready for a IRL interaction--- which is understandable considering you both still don't know each other too well---maybe Skype or Facetime can be a step forward? Or maybe a phone call?

Good idea. I have to.. I will also try to include more physicality in conversation like photos to show things around me.

I guess this is inferior Se. When I ask about ideas, dreams and plans she will speak her mind. Physical aspects of life - she freezes. I guess it is similar to my Fe. I am afraid of social commitments - when someone expect me to join something and I feel like I will be trapped in it forever. Similar with hugs. For some reason xNFJs often try to hug me. If I am asked for it I will always refuse because it's like giving permission to hug me whenever they want. If I have nothing against or even want it I will always say NO. Hug, don't ask

In this case if I try to ask out, she is forced to be IN or OUT. Thank you for your ideas.

Also it depends on the INFJ. Not every INFJ is the same. I myself when I like someone--- considering how shy I am--- I, unfortunately have the dumb tendency on hiding my feelings, and the other guy being completely clueless on how I feel about them due to fear of rejection or something of that nature; soooo it could apply to the same thing to the girl you like, but some other INFJs can be upfront too. It really honestly depends.

I am totally sure she has the same tendencies. Of course it doesn't mean that she has strong feelings and it's happening this time.

At the end of the day, I think you are putting waaaay too much thought and emphasis on this girl considering how slow things have progressed in the last 11 months. As I mentioned before; consider asking her if she would like to either doing a phone call, or Skype/Facetime sometime. Then go from there.

Slow peace is totally my fault. It was also mostly one way conversation so it was draining for me emotionally. What I am doing is sharing some information, brake, more information, brake.. and so on. That gave some time to process it. Throwing everything at once would be to much. In my experience one year to decide if you really like someone is not that much time My approach is: I am interested, now it is your choice, do what you want to do.

Thank you again, I will try to do what you suggest!

 

[robert]

Simple answer with lots of patience and don't try to get them to "Open Up" you will only succeed in making them run. Best way to an INFJ's heart is to talk about their hobbies and passions.