[INFJ] Help needed: how to approach an INFJ?

Each INFJ is different. I for one like people who can make an arse out of themselves, people present or not, although confidence and intelligence are key components about it.

I believe in your case that you think too much. If it doesn't go as planned, all the preparation will have been for nothing. So just go for it, and read her body language while you're at it. This will tell you how far you can go. Though you should also proceed with caution. Coming off too strong can also have a negative effect.
 
@INTP user - nothing like jumping into the deep end at infj forum.

I hope the language barrier doesn't prevent you from picking up on the humor.


Eventhorizon said:
Extreme caution and keep extremities close.
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This is because INFJs bite.

heiots said:
I don't think all INFJs would respond the same to a similar approach. Basic advice would be, like they mentioned, be natural. Be yourself. There's nothing wrong with texting or messaging her on Facebook. It gets someone's attention and lets them know you're there. Don't spam. Don't be rude.
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– Agree.

Just talk to her, or message her on social media. Be genuine.


If you get together it will likely be more complicated later. INFJs take a long time to open up and trust, and if you say something 'wrong' they will step back and put up barriers again, and you may not even know what you said, or didn't say. Try to trust the process.
 
INTP user said:
I suppose that I will see her in less than three weeks. I need to prepare a plan.

QUESTIONS:
1. How to approach her? There is no possibility to talk to her alone - she is always with her friends. My ideas:

a). Make eye contacts and than just grab her and talk to her. Probably everyone will know what is going on. I don't care but she might be embarrassed.

b). Pretend that she is needed for something. Still, her fiends will probably know what is going on.

c). Give her a paper with my number. Super silly.:fearful:

d). Write a massage on her facebook. Ultra silly.:fearscream:

2. Hugging and stuff. Are you instantly ready for hugs from a person you are attracted to? Or: how long should I wait? :p I suppose privacy is needed.

3. Is it easy to scare you with strong feelings? I see that for most girls our (INTP's) 100% Fe ON is off-putting. Is it better to "wear mask" not to show too much at the beginning?

Thanks for your help :yum:
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Oy, this is like looking in a funhouse mirror.

You are grossly overthinking this and making far too many flawed assumptions, but given that you're apparently a young INTP male that isn't surprising. I know because I was once one of those too. :grimacing:

To answer your questions all at once - You will scare the literal shit out of her by doing any of the things above. Grabbing? Unsolicited hugs? I understand you're probably new at this sort of thing, but simply put this is just creepy. ESPECIALLY to an INFJ who more than likely puts a premium on her personal space, especially around people she doesn't know well. Which brings up the obvious point - if you like this person (or think you might, based on how you seem to be very attracted to her) how about trying to get to know her better before you blast her with bad touch and unwarranted feely talk? In my experience, most Introverts (nevermind INFJs) like to get to know someone well before they can trust them enough to pursue a romantic relationship of any sort. If you're going to make an effort here, focus on getting to know her as a person.
 
… Ask her out? In person or electronically.

Once after a rowing class I took, my rowing partner asked me to go to a summer festival with him, and I just kind of froze - not because I didn't like him, but I had no idea that he would ask. I kind of feel bad now looking back because he was really nice about it, and thought that I didn't like him
 
INTP user said:
The main question - is this a good idea?
Look at her to make eye contact and take her from her friends. By grabbing I meant that I will e.g. [gently] grab her hand move her away. Nothing unexpected. Same situation for me would be a little uncomfortable for my younger self. There is some kind of pressure (presence of friends) hard to avoid.

Thanks, I will print two copies of hug permission form =)

I have to clarify what I meant in the beginning. As for me if I developed attraction [i suppose] I am ready for hugs. Even if I am talking for a first time. However, if you are not close enough - you can even be my sister, it is still not enough - it will make me uncomfortable. I don't like half-hugs, it feels like duty. I am just thinking ahead and wondering how it works for INFJs.
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If the trust is there, offer a hug, which in my case, I've had guys open arms to show they have a hug to offer, and I have the option to reject. Always give a choice, especially when you're both not close to each other. Until you are 100% sure both of you are comfortable with the level of contact, then you can move on. But, she'll let you know. It's different for everyone.

I would work on contacting her through social media and getting to know her better before "gently grabbing" her hand to take her from her group of friends. If you've never spoken, it'd be like, "Woah, who is this, and why are you touching me?"

INTP user said:
This is what I am planning to do. But doing it in presence of her friends is safe? She looks very shy so I am considering it as a risk, even if she is interested (I think she is).
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I think a little of the maintained eye contact is fine, but staring is annoying, and too much of that would rub a person the wrong way. Though I guess it depends on whether the liking is mutual. If she likes you, she'd appreciate the attention. If she doesn't, the prolonged staring would be creepy, irritating, and very uncomfortable for her. I would advise against that. But smile. Smile a lot if you want to, and most people tend to smile back. It's a relatively harmless gesture. I would pick smiling over staring.
 
Ask her out to a bar to have some drinks and then go to a club and dance! INFJ's are total social butterflies and love partying. Know all the most recent celebrity gossip. That's all they ever want to hear about. Be sure to know enough to constantly lecture her on it because they're lazy and want other people to fill in all the space in the conversation, like a 1 way street. Do this an u will crush it brah!

PS If u get her number TXT HER LOTS USE ALL CAPS N ABBREV8 WHENEVER POSSIBLE!
 
DareToFly said:
Okay, so...

It doesn't sound like you've ever even talked to this girl, yet you KNOW she is an INFJ??? Sounds legit. You don't even know her name....

*facepalm*
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Be yourself.
Next if a girl/woman thinks you think you are not good enough for her, shell think that (In her own way) as well.
Resolve to know right off the bat you probably will not spend the rest of your life with her. At this time you know little about her. Regardless of what you think you know, you know only what she shows the world and that is not anything close to who she really is. You could go out on a date and find out she's a raving lunatic.
Talk to her and be yourself. Sure there are things you can say that would be awkward but saying nothing at all is worse.
Oh and one last thing, if you wait someone else will probably get her and then there's no chance at all.
 
I will try to reply to some posts later. Now I will again quickly clarify something.

I'm not wearing glasses but that girl (if it wasn't her I have more options ;)) was staring at me last time. I didn't recognize her at firtst due to dyed hair. It was her who started eye contact. Another thing is that she remembers me after few months we haven't chance to see each other. I do not have wonder if she is interested - for sure there is something going on. It's just a matter of LOGISTICS how to approach her.

I haven't talk to her yet. How do I know she is INFJ? Laser eyes, Fe smile, ghost walk and elegant outlook.


Is she my future wife? In this case statistics should be used.

First MBTI type - 1,5% - I belive an INFJ is best thing I can get. There is no way I will take any Sensor. I am not interested in ENFPs. I like them but they are too flighty and do not value logical principles. ENTJs are too pushy and I am passive. ENFJ are cute, I love to be around them but it's always hard to find a topic to talk about. They also have too much friends. Other N-types are not fulfilling. INFJs are rare and hard to find in my natural environment. Probably except of churches.

Age - I can go for 10 to 20 years younger ;> The problem occurs when you want to meet them. I am not a teacher or something like that ;D Most times you need to be really quick at typing not to miss a chance.

Shared values - I want catholic girl. There are many reasons for that. I think it is
save to have some external rules to follow in case of any conflict.

Looks - even if I have found INFJ and she is in proper age, she still can be ugly (/not attractive enough) or atheist (nothing wrong with them but: no). Just guess how low is a chance of finding girl like this.

Plus there is a gut feeling: "yes she is".
 
INTP user said:
I will try to reply to some posts later. Now I will again quickly clarify something.

I'm not wearing glasses but that girl (if it wasn't her I have more options ;)) was staring at me last time. I didn't recognize her at firtst due to dyed hair. It was her who started eye contact. Another thing is that she remembers me after few months we haven't chance to see each other. I do not have wonder if she is interested - for sure there is something going on. It's just a matter of LOGISTICS how to approach her.

I haven't talk to her yet. How do I know she is INFJ? Laser eyes, Fe smile, ghost walk and elegant outlook.


Is she my future wife? In this case statistics should be used.

First MBTI type - 1,5% - I belive an INFJ is best thing I can get. There is no way I will take any Sensor. I am not interested in ENFPs. I like them but they are too flighty and do not value logical principles. ENTJs are too pushy and I am passive. ENFJ are cute, I love to be around them but it's always hard to find a topic to talk about. They also have too much friends. Other N-types are not fulfilling. INFJs are rare and hard to find in my natural environment. Probably except of churches.

Age - I can go for 10 to 20 years younger ;> The problem occurs when you want to meet them. I am not a teacher or something like that ;D Most times you need to be really quick at typing not to miss a chance.

Shared values - I want catholic girl. There are many reasons for that. I think it is
save to have some external rules to follow in case of any conflict.

Looks - even if I have found INFJ and she is in proper age, she still can be ugly (/not attractive enough) or atheist (nothing wrong with them but: no). Just guess how low is a chance of finding girl like this.

Plus there is a gut feeling: "yes she is".
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Ok, now this sounds just wrong.

However, feelings aside: If you think you'll like her and she also likes you, type doesn't matter. Your obsession over a specific type is therefore less than desireable. Also, "I want catholic girl" has a very neanderthal ring to it. I don't think you meant it that way, and it's probably my always wanting to read correct grammar, but anyway, you ought to use articles. In this case, you made it ambiguous: is it the catholic girl or a catholic girl?

In both cases, your list sounds an imaginary future world you have contrived as an ideal scenario. I can tell you now that it is not going to work like that. A person can't be reduced to a type, nor does anybody want to be. Futhermore, statistics shouldn't be used until you have at least talked to her. Otherwise you don't have enough data to go on, rendering your "statistics" from an empirical point of view meaningless.
 
INTP user said:
I feel so misunderstood in this world :confused1:

I am 99,5% sure that attraction is mutual. I know how to talk to INFJ. I know good topics, I am also good at making proper first impressions. I am just wondering if I will stop her while she is with friends will not make her uncomfortable.

Hugging point is about latter interaction.
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my own view on what you are explaining is this...
1- If as you say she is as interested in you as you are, she is dying for you to make a first step.
2 - Caution tho.. try to observe a moment where, as a real INFJ, she will be with friends but not really mixing in.. as if more lost in thoughts..
3 - Make sure she sees you approaching
4 - And the heck with her friends if they know that you are interested.. the important part is that SHE knows.. cause as an INFJ, unless it is said crystal clear to us.. we can't imagine that someone is really interested in us in a romantic manner and we always figure that people are just being nice to us..
5 - So what ever the excuse you will find to talk to her.. once you guys are free to talk.. tell her that seeing her smile makes your day brighter.. that her energy feels amazing to you... that you would really like if you could get to know each other.. ( even if online at first, she might feel more at ease that way )

Wishing you good luck and hope you see her again soon :)
 
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