How do you find good friends and relationships if you can't be bothered about socializing?

Asa said:
@selfHater07 - You haven't changed your user name yet. You deserve something better.
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Unfortunately I haven't yet managed to like myself.

Asa said:
Is online an option for making friends?
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I'd ideally like some face to face interactions.

Asa said:
One of my closest friends is like you. He is solitary. He's made a few friends at work, and most of his other friendships are via the web of friends he made when younger. I don't think he wants it any other way. He would like to meet a woman but he is unwilling to expand his social outings.

I think you need to compromise and go to some events if you want more friends and the potential to date. You don't need to stay long, and you can choose quieter events with fewer people.
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These days, deep inside, I'd actually like to go out and meet people, but I just don't know where and how to start. I'm in a relatively new city, I only know 3 people here and my German is yet far from fluent, so I have no idea where I can go for socializing which I can fit in and will enjoy. I have signed up for a meetup next week, I will see how it goes.
 
selfHater07 said:
These days, deep inside, I'd actually like to go out and meet people, but I just don't know where and how to start. I'm in a relatively new city, I only know 3 people here and my German is yet far from fluent, so I have no idea where I can go for socializing which I can fit in and will enjoy. I have signed up for a meetup next week, I will see how it goes.
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I had an idea, self. What if you took up photography as a hobby? If you can afford a SLR you can bring it with you to events. It is something to "hide" behind and pay attention to when you're feeling overwhelmed by people, or help break the ice because people may approach you to talk about photography or your camera. It's so much more interesting than hiding behind a phone. You could potentially meet people by asking to take their pictures on the street or at events, or asking people to pose for you (once you get OK at it). If you set up an Instagram or Flickr you could give that account as a contact point if people want to see the pictures, then follow back people who interest you and start up small conversations. It would be something interesting about you that may attract people, too. It may be easier to make friends and meet women. People accept more social quirkiness from "artists", too.
You seem like the type who would enjoy the technical side of photography and excel at it.
 
Asa said:
I had an idea, self. What if you took up photography as a hobby? If you can afford a SLR you can bring it with you to events. It is something to "hide" behind and pay attention to when you're feeling overwhelmed by people, or help break the ice because people may approach you to talk about photography or your camera. It's so much more interesting than hiding behind a phone.
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Seriously good idea! Thinking about it, I’m really into photography and it’s provided me some good social experiences. It’s always good to have something you can chitchat more initially so further topics will flow naturally once you get to talk more with someone.
You’ve also mentioned you like doing things privately, but what about taking them to a social level? In order to connect with people you know are going to have at least something in common to talk about, you can try to do things you like outside sometimes.
Reading? You can try going out to bookstores and libraries.
Cooking? Cuisine events might happen once in a while, such as fairs, workshops or even taking a course on it.
Traveling? Agencies tend to have fairs on traveling abroad, living somewhere else, exchanges, professional matters, etc.
Connecting with people through things you enjoy doing make it less complicated. So try to think where would those people frequently go ;)
 
I hate to say it, but socializing and making connections and forming a network is WORK. Even fostering the friendships I already have is work. Finding time to meet up, carving out space to have conversations and catch up and everything else is work. As adults we all have our own lives, our own priorities, our own shit we need to get done and often times we don't have as much casual space to hang out with other people as we did growing up. Once you're in the age bracket where most of your friends marry and have kids it becomes even more difficult.

Finding new connections even for myself is challenging because it takes an additional amount of energy to build a new pathway with someone else that feels like we're connected in some way to the degree that we might actually want to put forth the effort to talk, even online. It just doesn't happen a lot. When I lived across the country I did make some friends, but very, very few. It's just a lot of work and to be honest, I wasn't interested in putting in that much effort because I had other things going on that were of a higher priority.

I can go out to any place and have a conversation with anyone at anytime with relative ease, but everything after that takes effort that I just don't feel like putting in most of the time. I think that's why it's better to have 1 or 2 places you go regularly where you may see some of the same people regularly because it frees up the effort it would take to generate those meetups otherwise, like going out for a drink or a meal or whatever. That's how I prefer to do things these days anyway. At least then the setting is provided for you. The rest is up to you.
 
Asa said:
I had an idea, self. What if you took up photography as a hobby? If you can afford a SLR you can bring it with you to events. It is something to "hide" behind and pay attention to when you're feeling overwhelmed by people, or help break the ice because people may approach you to talk about photography or your camera. It's so much more interesting than hiding behind a phone. You could potentially meet people by asking to take their pictures on the street or at events, or asking people to pose for you (once you get OK at it). If you set up an Instagram or Flickr you could give that account as a contact point if people want to see the pictures, then follow back people who interest you and start up small conversations. It would be something interesting about you that may attract people, too. It may be easier to make friends and meet women. People accept more social quirkiness from "artists", too.
You seem like the type who would enjoy the technical side of photography and excel at it.
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Excellent suggestion. I have actually taken up more of a keen interest in photography recent, especially after realizing that I'm actually not bad at it(only with my Samsung though) and made an instagram account where I only put food and nature pics. Yeah, I've been thinking about buying a DSLR lately. I also happen to like fashion, so I can probably take up an interest in fashion pics as well. Thanks.
 
selfHater07 said:
Excellent suggestion. I have actually taken up more of a keen interest in photography recent, especially after realizing that I'm actually not bad at it(only with my Samsung though) and made an instagram account where I only put food and nature pics. Yeah, I've been thinking about buying a DSLR lately. I also happen to like fashion, so I can probably take up an interest in fashion pics as well. Thanks.
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Those are great ways to meet people. It gives people something to talk about with you and it makes you more interesting to people from a distance, when before, they'd have to talk with you to learn how interesting you are.
I'd follow an IG like that.
 
selfHater07 said:
Excellent suggestion. I have actually taken up more of a keen interest in photography recent, especially after realizing that I'm actually not bad at it(only with my Samsung though) and made an instagram account where I only put food and nature pics. Yeah, I've been thinking about buying a DSLR lately. I also happen to like fashion, so I can probably take up an interest in fashion pics as well. Thanks.
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Mind sharing the instagram or some pictures? Always interesting to check works of people. And yeah, with today's smartphones it's already impressive what these can produce, thanks to software post-processing.

For the DSLR, get a popular budget model or a cheap one on the 2nd hand market (ideally one with a lens) for around 200-300 USD. I got an older model 2nd hand myself, a Canon EOS 60D, it's still a proper DSLR camera and good as a starter kit. The lens is more important anyway, but as a starter setup the stock lens is good enough.

Ren said:
You'll only become more elitist if you continue hanging out in the anteroom *whistles*
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No worries Ren, I'll be doing one more update and then the stage is all yours.
 
Asa said:
Those are great ways to meet people. It gives people something to talk about with you and it makes you more interesting to people from a distance, when before, they'd have to talk with you to learn how interesting you are.
I'd follow an IG like that.
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dragulagu said:
Mind sharing the instagram or some pictures? Always interesting to check works of people.
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My Instagram is hedoni.faisal

dragulagu said:
And yeah, with today's smartphones it's already impressive what these can produce, thanks to software post-processing.

For the DSLR, get a popular budget model or a cheap one on the 2nd hand market (ideally one with a lens) for around 200-300 USD. I got an older model 2nd hand myself, a Canon EOS 60D, it's still a proper DSLR camera and good as a starter kit. The lens is more important anyway, but as a starter setup the stock lens is good enough.


No worries Ren, I'll be doing one more update and then the stage is all yours.
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Thanks a lot for all the advice regarding the cameras. Please don't expect any quality from my pics at all. (place the hiding face monkey emoji which couldn't find here :D) By the sound of your writing, I assume you are very good at photography, I don't think mine would be any match to yours.
 
selfHater07 said:
My Instagram is hedoni.faisal
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Those are some nice shots man, I like the ice tower and snail shots.
selfHater07 said:
Thanks a lot for all the advice regarding the cameras. Please don't expect any quality from my pics at all. (place the hiding face monkey emoji which couldn't find here :D) By the sound of your writing, I assume you are very good at photography, I don't think mine would be any match to yours.
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Nope, just did a couple days of research back thenn when buying my DSLR, I use it as amateur for some shots when selling stuff. And I mostly take pictures with my phone myself on travel.
 
I bought a Nikon D5300 a few years ago to take on photography. Have taken some beautiful photos with it, but it sits in its bag now, waiting for me to take it out and play lol. I take most photos with my phone, and only take the Nikon out for traveling and family shots. I got the entire kit and a few accessories for $699 but I am sure you could find one just as good or almost as good for a lot cheaper now. :)
 
Well Good Friends, as in the kind you can call on for help - I don't have many.

I invest more in family. I find blood ties are a good basis for reliable support. They help when I need it so whilst friends would be nice I can survive without too many close companions.

Beyond that, you kind of just have to get used to going out. Charities, events etc. Whatever you do that makes you happy you need to get out and do it because the world moves without us.

You can either opt in or isolate yourself but in the end its your own option.

Make sure you invest in yourself a bit first though. Get some self-respect because people who lack confidence don't project very well.

I didn't get that until my late 20s but the earlier you can do it the better.
 
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