How do you know if a person is an INFJ

...

8. He/she constantly brags about his/her MBTI and the uniqueness of his/her MBTI and stresses it as the main reason for his/her social misplacement.
 
This is all so true. I'm an infj and these all describe me to a T.
 
•They are not particularly expressive; they're often kind of matter of fact when they don't know you well, yet quite warm and friendly nonetheless. It's a strange, contradictory vibe overall. I wish I could explain it better.
•They rarely initiate coffee dates/lunch dates, but tag along with the group if you invite them and seem content (if not a bit shy) to be there.
•Take immense interest in you when you speak to them; ask you questions and seem to genuinely care about what you've got to say rather than trying to fulfill a social obligation/waiting for their turn to speak.
•Actually, they ask a LOT of questions and they're really good at getting you to zero in on an issue.
•In general, they're excellent at coming up with alternative perspectives on a situation and they have a very concise way of explaining things so that you understand.
•They are interested in promoting harmony and kindness, and thus usually find interests that encourage inner peace and positive thinking. Meditation, various New Age philosophies, Tai Chi, etc.
•They tend to be spiritual, if not religious. Even if they are atheist, they tend not to be militant about their beliefs unless they truly feel that religious organizations are harmful.
•They almost never talk about themselves in group settings. They let everyone else do the talking. They'll just listen and ask questions and prompt the conversation on.
•They make you feel like you can tell them anything, that they won't judge you for it
•They're usually the first to notice if something is off or that you're having a bad day.
•They identify with social justice issues.
•It's very difficult for them to speak badly or unfairly about other people. Even when they're angry at the person, they'll still try to consider the other person's points and try to check their own blind-spots. If they do fly off the handle and complain about the person irrationally, they will feel bad about it and tell you so.
•They sometimes can be a little controlling of their friends and manipulative if they don't want you to do something
•They are able to think ahead and anticipate solutions and potential pitfalls very quickly. For instance, if what you're planning on doing might step on someone's toes or what such and such a person might answer to a proposed solution, they will point it out to you.
•They don't volunteer many personal details about their life. They don't seem to find themselves too interesting/think they will bore others. If they do talk about themselves, they usually do it in the form of an example when they're explaining something.
•Their outward personality tends to be calm, kind, and even-keel. More outgoing, expressive types may find them uninteresting
•They fear being unappreciated and/or forgotten.
•They usually have some offbeat interests and alternative perspective on the mainstream. For example, alternative health & nutrition, EFT, Kendo, World Religions, etc. The INFJ I know was immensely interested in Early Christian Mysticism. She's Jewish and not particularly religious or even openly spiritual, but she loves everything and anything to do with the early origins of modern religions and their history.
•Unfairness and injustice bother them immensely.
•They think before they speak, but sometimes they miss out on opportunities to say what's on their mind when there are too many balls up in the air in a conversation
•They also hate bullying or people ganging up on one person. They will stand up for the underdog.
•Sometimes they're standoffish for no reason. Sometimes they notice this in themselves and apologize for it. Sometimes they don't.
•They slightly adjust the way they speak to different people; they're very good at getting on the same wavelength with others
•They're not keeners, but they will quietly offer help if they notice that you need it.
•They always felt older as kids. As adults, however, they often have a naive outlook on the world.
•They can be a little pedantic once you get them going on something. Or they will mom you in this subtle, grating way.
•They're amazing with their insights into relationships and they often give you very level-headed advice. And they're pretty thorough too. They look at all sides of the issue.
•Sometimes they can come across as know-it-all's or too in-control, so it makes them look like they're trying too hard or that they're too fake
•In their eagerness to help, they often end up taking over the project and even though they take opinions from the group, they end up doing things their own way. It's hard to call them out on it because you know the mean well and they're so nice, but its frustrating.
•If they like you and you speak fairly often, they'll do little things for you, like send you a joke or a little quote of inspiration to perk up your day.
•Even when it's clear they're nervous/upset, they will still try to make everyone else around them comfortable first
•They dislike it when people fight and will usually step in to diffuse the situation if they see a way to do it. Most people seem to listen to them because they've got this strangely calming presence.
•If they're really upset with you, they'll just withdraw for a while
•Sometimes they get too caught up in helping other people with their problems that they neglect their own work, or even their family.
•They seem perfectly aware when people are taking advantage of them. They'll complain and acknowledge that they need to do something, but they won't.
•They can be rather perfectionist.
•They tend to be interested in volunteer work/helping someone in their community/charities. Whether or not they go out and pursue it depends on their level of shyness. If you offer to do it with them, though, they are all over it.
•They're not particularly assertive and they seem embarrassed to ask for help from others
•They don't get attached to many people, but when they do attach to someone, they get a little too attached and clingy.
•They've got a long fuse when it comes to dealing with other people. Like, a loooong fuse. It takes truly a lot to make them snap.
•If there's a misunderstanding between you two, the INFJ will be the first to approach and explain the side of their story.
•Regardless of what they think of themselves, people tend to hold them in very high regard.
•They almost always appear deep in thought.


This is my first post ever. I think I need to explain what I was speaking of. The above list is the best description I've ever seen on how I function as an infj. It is very insightful.
 
La Sagna said:
-They are not particularly expressive; they're often kind of matter of fact when they don't know you well, yet quite warm and friendly nonetheless. It's a strange, contradictory vibe overall. I wish I could explain it better.
Click to expand...
I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. I think INFJs are extremely expressive, but perhaps not blatantly so. INFJs tend to be really creative and because of this, expressive in the artistic sense. I think they can be very expressive about their opinions and their passions as well.
I totally agree with your second bullet. That is precisely how I behave.

Welcome to the forums and good job on your first post. (:
 
I think I'm getting more expressive as I get older, but I think that it actually is a pretty good description of how I have always been with people I don't know well, I have always been very reserved in that sort of situation, but with people I am comfortable with I am very expressive! I have only met other INFJs once (that I know for sure), and that was a group of us who gathered to meet other INFJs and I think overall that would describe that group well. The one thing I really noticed is that the ones who were relatively young were very idealistic and those of us who were older all seemed to be a little disillusioned, and that seemed to be across the board.
 
I don't think idealistic and disillusioned are actually antonyms as I don't think I'm the only person to be both well into adulthood.

When I first read the comment about INFJ not being expressive, I didn't understand it and I'm still not sure I get what was meant. It is probably the case that on the average, introverts are less emotionally expressive overall than are extroverts of similar types. I would not expect a perceiving dominant introvert to be "always on" when not specifically interacting with others. When they do interact, they may also be less prone to immediately overreacting.

However, I think that when INFJ do interact, the extroverted feeling does tend to come through. The emotional expression is extroverted. As the situation allows, their eyes and faces express their feelings. They also use emotional warmth to connect with others and to influence mood and convey importance of what they're saying. That things seem to come out with a weight to them is I think why INFJ are so often called intense--they are very engaging.

I think it's a given that INFJ are typically less emotionally expressive than ENFJ but I do think there's still a lot there--especially of you're looking for it.
 
Last edited:
perhaps by expressive it was meant, An INFJ will be open, but not volunteer information. Share what they want to share with whom they want to share it with when they decide to share it. Example being. Talking with someone, I said yoga has helped a back injury I had from a car accident. I was then asked is that why I started yoga? I simply said no. Of course I have a story of how I got started with yoga, but I did not feel like sharing it.
 
I don't think idealistic and disillusioned are actually antonyms as I don't think I'm the only person to be both well into adulthood.


I think you are right. It is because we are still idealistic that we feel so disillusioned. I think the difference is that the younger INFJs still haven't had enough life experience to reach the same level of disappointment, about people in particular, as some of us who have more experiences under our belt. I think the only reason that this was so obvious in this group was because we knew we were with other INFJs. I myself would not share my level of disillusionment with people in general because I would not want to taint their views on people and life because of my personal experiences, but I could sense that these people felt in a similar way that I did and we were trying to share our experiences as INFJs. I certainly didn't tell the younger people in the group that they're idealism was a bad thing or that they would be disappointed by life. I hope for their sake that they will not be.

I have to say that there is no way that I would have guessed any of these people to be INFJs without getting to know them well. I think it can be very difficult to identify us. There has only been one person that I have met that I was certain was another INFJ, apart for this group who were already identified.
 
[MENTION=4717]subwayrider[/MENTION]
I really think that, above all, the proof is in the pudding.

Whatever his/her inclinations, an INJ will exhibit clear INJ thought patterns. It is simply his/her essence, even if that person is going through some crazy phase where he/she is trying to be some completely different kind of person.
Click to expand...
From this I kind see that you really are an INFJ after all :)
 
LucyJr said:
[MENTION=4717]subwayrider[/MENTION]

From this I kind see that you really are an INFJ after all :)
Click to expand...

What's that supposed to mean?

At this point, I do not care either way. The label is used by far too many as a bolster for self-esteem. I guess it's to feel special and unique.

That said, -- and I've pondered extensively, and debated much with myself -- I do think it's a best fit. But I'm open to reproof because I'm more interested in accuracy than in feeling better about myself via aligning with some label.
 
subwayrider said:
What's that supposed to mean?

At this point, I do not care either way. The label is used by far too many as a bolster for self-esteem. I guess it's to feel special and unique.

That said, -- and I've pondered extensively, and debated much with myself -- I do think it's a best fit. But I'm open to reproof because I'm more interested in accuracy than in feeling better about myself via aligning with some label.
Click to expand...

My whole life I knew I was different. I could think and feel and see things that I knew other people could only dream of. Whenever I would try to explain my divine insights, I would invariably be sneered at or mocked or shunned by my lesser peers. I learned that in this world chock-full of the simple-minded and the morally bankrupt, I am superior; therefore, I suffer.

There are other types similar to myself -- such as the other NFs and the NTs. But I soon learned that even they could not understand me -- INFJ alone is free from the restraints imposed by social groups, restraints the ENFs have to contend with their entire lives, and which unfortunately taint their perceptions, which might otherwise be very original, deep, and unique, like my own. Of all the types, INFPs are closest to understanding me -- but let's be real, they only wish they were me.

The NTs, especially the INTs, I have found to be very intelligent and all those nice things, but they have their own shackles, imperceptible to them, that tie down their imaginations with a terrible weight -- namely, logic and knowledge. If not for this colossal shortcoming, they might be as wise and supernatural and omniscient as I am. It's a terrible waste, if you ask me -- they can build their little robots and play with their little calculators and construct weapons of mass destruction the likes of which the world has never seen -- but they still can't plumb the depths of the mysteries of the universe like I can, because, you see, I am by my very nature above the trifles that are logic and scientific knowledge. What need does an INFJ like me have for such frivolous things? Why, none at all.

I could never explain this difference to myself, the difference between myself and other people -- I just knew it was there. Then one day I came across a beautiful and ingenious system that could finally explain to me what I am and why I am this way. This system corroborated all the hunches I'd had throughout my whole life -- that I am superior and the rarest type of all. This system is the peerless Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and my type is INFJ, the rarest of all types.

Life is not easy for me, but this is a fact I have grown to accept after a lifetime of weary marching. I suspect I am the only true INFJ -- people on the internet claim to have gotten this result on their own tests, or through their own research, but I believe them to be wannabes keen on bolstering their self-esteem by associating with a rare and elusive personality type like my own. Will I ever meet another like myself? I cannot say. But I hope I do, because that way I will know I am not alone in this impossibly large universe, and to meet a mind on my own wavelength would perhaps allow me to, for once, connect with another human being.

But such an event would be miraculous, and I can only conclude that to harbor such a hope would be beyond sanguine. No, I am alone. I alone am unique. I alone am special. I am INFJ.
Click to expand...
I taken this post from "The experience of having a rare personality type". Few things that I see remain in my memory with such clarity, and you post reminds me about Arthur Schopenhauer writings.
And this post sound pretty much like INFJ to me. You explained very clear what INFJs are :
The NTs, especially the INTs, I have found to be very intelligent and all those nice things, but they have their own shackles, imperceptible to them, that tie down their imaginations with a terrible weight -- namely, logic and knowledge. If not for this colossal shortcoming, they might be as wise and supernatural and omniscient as I am. It's a terrible waste, if you ask me -- they can build their little robots and play with their little calculators and construct weapons of mass destruction the likes of which the world has never seen -- but they still can't plumb the depths of the mysteries of the universe like I can, because, you see, I am by my very nature above the trifles that are logic and scientific knowledge. What need does an INFJ like me have for such frivolous things? Why, none at all.
Click to expand...
To me, this was always true : INFJ are not bounded or limited by anything: the whole existence is in their "hands". They can see everything, truly everything:
but they still can't plumb the depths of the mysteries of the universe like I can, because, you see, I am by my very nature above the trifles that are logic and scientific knowledge.
Click to expand...
So from this, I see that you are an INFJ really, and it's also something else.
It's the way you give your post. You always start from the "back" and go front, or in other words, you start from what is fundamental, what is "the core" and then you raise to "the surface".
I really think that, above all, the proof is in the pudding.

Whatever his/her inclinations, an INJ will exhibit clear INJ thought patterns. It is simply his/her essence, even if that person is going through some crazy phase where he/she is trying to be some completely different kind of person.
Click to expand...
You see that? I mean you go right to the essence, and seeing the world in essence is pure INFJ mind pattern. It's not that is just a mind pattern, it's that only INFJs can truly see the essence, so obviously they thinking pattern starts from the essence of things.
My advice is to read Arthur Schopenhauer, you will be amazed at how much you will find yourself in his writings, especially the "genius existence".
So I hope I helped you in some way or another :). And of course, this is just my perspective :)!
 
It’s really great for me to read some of these posts and just completely identify not only with the message but the way the message is written. I've always felt, especially in text, that I have too much to say and I speak in paragraphs and now to see that in others where it is a complete thought -the beginning is addressed again in the ending and the middle is just funny little insights found in-between all connected to one another in some way. Lol and the backpedaling of, “But that’s just my opinion/perception/how I feel” hah is amazing to see in others speech as well as my own. I really enjoy reading the majority of these posts. I’m glad I found this site and I really appreciate the lot of you.
 
La Sagna said:
I think I'm getting more expressive as I get older, but I think that it actually is a pretty good description of how I have always been with people I don't know well, I have always been very reserved in that sort of situation, but with people I am comfortable with I am very expressive! I have only met other INFJs once (that I know for sure), and that was a group of us who gathered to meet other INFJs and I think overall that would describe that group well. The one thing I really noticed is that the ones who were relatively young were very idealistic and those of us who were older all seemed to be a little disillusioned, and that seemed to be across the board.
Click to expand...

Yes, people who don't know me well get me as "quiet one, shy". People who know me...well, I came across as too much intense sometimes.
 
Jana said:
Yes, people who don't know me well get me as "quiet one, shy". People who know me...well, I came across as too much intense sometimes.
Click to expand...

That's funny, I am told that I don't speak loud enough most of the time but I also get told that I speak way too loud when I am having a discussion with family or close friends.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top