How do you like being comforted?

[Tin Man]

Yeah, not big on the hugging, touching, warm cuddly kind of comfort. I appreciate the offer of physical affection, but appreciate it more when people get it that I need to think it through, and withdraw into my own headspace.

It's nice to have people there to talk to when I'm ready to talk. But I really can't stand it when people project their own feelings onto me and assume that since they like physical forms of comfort, I must like the same. Otherwise I must be deeply troubled and depressed. I'd rather a cold, unfeeling reaction to my troubles, than someone who can't see past their own emotions. Who can't just listen, and treat a person how they ask to be treated.

 

[infinite dreams]

Really depends on the situation. With work-related stress, I tend to withdraw because Ti normally provides me with a solution to whatever the problem is, and solitude is the surest way to get the most out of the function.

Personal sads - give me all the snuggles pls. Physical touch is muh love language. :holdtighthug:

 

[Eventhorizon]

For informational puposes Rye is not Single Malt. I am highly gluten sensitive and when I say that could kill me that is what I am refering to.
Perhaps you already took this into account, if so excellent post with a nod to you.
Related to the Rodham name? I simply cant imagine it tasting like anything other than corruption, sickness and selfishness. So, slightly worse than the cow manure I find myself walking through occationally these days.

 

[the]

With boobs.

In fact I'm feeling a kinda down today, forum women who are 18+. A little help?

 

[Happy Phantom]

Really depends on the situation. With work-related stress, I tend to withdraw because Ti normally provides me with a solution to whatever the problem is, and solitude is the surest way to get the most out of the function.

Personal sads - give me all the snuggles pls. Physical touch is muh love language.

:backhug::snugglyhug::hug4::holdtighthug::I<3u:

 

[infinite dreams]

:backhug::snugglyhug::hug4::holdtighthug::I<3u:

:I<3u:

 

[Nixie]

Not big into hugs. I actually say "generalized affection in your direction" to my hug loving brother instead of giving him a hug sometimes.

If I am really upset, a hug from someone I trust is really nice. Otherwise I prefer to mope by myself until I get over it.

 

[Tin Man]

Not big into hugs. I actually say "generalized affection in your direction" to my hug loving brother instead of giving him a hug sometimes.

If I am really upset, a hug from someone I trust is really nice. Otherwise I prefer to mope by myself until I get over it.

I'm going to steal that.

I might just email it instead. The less interaction to huggers, the better.

Edit:

@Free you mention anything about a possible love for hug smilies I will sue you for libel.

 

[Happy Phantom]

I retreat into solitude and silence with the exception of a few close people. I’m a private person and don’t like people knowing my personal business. Affection / hugs are accepted by a limited few. My children and a certain INTP I know.

 

[Lurk]

Really depends on the situation.

This should be an answer option on every personality quiz.

I enjoy comfort that is contextually appropriate.

With work-related stress, I tend to withdraw because Ti normally provides me with a solution to whatever the problem is, and solitude is the surest way to get the most out of the function.

God yes. ^ is the comfort I prefer at the moment

Personal sads - give me all the snuggles pls. Physical touch is muh love language. :holdtighthug:

I used to be very much like this.

 

[Pin]

Yeah boobs is a good answer for....
View attachment 41335

 

[Professor Snep]

 

[TinyBubbles]

it sounds weird but i like when people join in when i'm doing some random chore like washing dishes. if i'm upset i just don't have the words to explain it sometimes, but if we're doing some activity together it feels like we're close, and that helps me cope.

 

[wolly.green]

TL;DR Are you the type of person that likes to receive warm affection from your loved ones when you're feeling sad or distressed? Or are you more the type of person that likes to withdraw and into your shell?

Personally, I've always had trouble getting comforted because I like being the pillar of strength while the situation is still going on. I go into Ti-mode(sort of speak) and begin analyzing all the solutions to the current situation. I withdraw to my room and don't let anyone know what's going inside my head. I want to be the problem-solver not wallowing into sadness. Of course, that's not always optimal because people need the human connection and warm touch to let you know that everything is going to be fine etc but letting myself get vulnerable after the fact has always been my Achilles's heel. Not to say that I don't appreciate it, but it's sometimes difficult to just let go.

What about you?

As Jordan Peterson put it, sadness is a response to chaos. It causes us to shut down and really focus in on and solve what ever problem we happen to be confronted by. We feel sad when our partners cheat on us because it means there is something wrong with our understanding of reality. Since our survival depends on our being right about what we think is true, we have evolved to shut off and re-evaluate when something shows us that we are wrong.

When my grandad passed away, I did not look to anyone else for comfort. The first thing I did was try to figure out what his death means for my future. And once I sat on it for long enough, the sadness subsided.

 

[charlatan]

I prefer emotional comforting usually to intellectual comforting. I mean, if someone has a really obvious answer that I'm not aware of, that is appreciated too. However, as a rule of thumb, I think the quest for answers is never-ending, and it's more important to me to have the knowledge that people stably care/won't stop doing so. Under that shelter, I think I can eventually find answers if I bash my head long enough.

 

[Pin]

I find stoic philosophy comforting.

 

[hush]

I am not great at being comforted. If I reveal anything that might lead someone to comfort, it is typically days, weeks, months, years after that incident occurred. Before then, I just squish it down inside. After then, I just squish it down inside. I'll let it out eventually, in an effort to convince myself that letting things out is healthy, but I'll typically be unequipped to deal with any potential aftereffects. Like, I might even go mia for a few days after, before resurfacing.

It's easier to be there for people, than to have people be there for me, as far as this goes. And, despite creating an entire section just for hug emojis here, physical touch isn't something I do all that freely, irl. Despite that, sometimes I do lament my aversion to physical touch, and sometimes a hug is exactly what I need, but I can't recall a time I ever felt confident enough to ask for one irl, despite any despair I was feeling.

However... I still think hugs are magical things, and sometimes, all you need is a pair of arms around you to remind you that it's going to be okay. I might be shit at hugs, but I can still recognize that they are awesome. :holdtighthug:

 

[Lady Jolanda]

When I'm distressed, the best way to comfort me is to give me a hug, to hold me in your arms, to sit with me and to let me talk. It can take a while for me to start talking, so just tell me it's okay for me to take my time, and let me calm down a bit.
At the start, my emotions can overwhelm my rational mind. A part of me disassociates and is telling me to shut down.

I can express exactly what I feel (i.e, anxious, angry, sad), but I can't tell you why. So let me talk, even if what I say comes out incoherently, and then interpret it and reflect what I'm saying back at me, with empathy and understanding, and without judgment. Tell me you care for me, that what I'm feeling is *valid* and that it's all going to be okay.
Then, when I've let it all out and start feeling better, you can throw some inappropriate jokes my way to get me laughing and then brainstorm together to come up with solutions. And then, time to do something fun together!

I'm terrified to ask for support, but good at receiving it (and fucking relieved too) once given.

 

[Ginny]

For me there are different ways, changing from situation to situation.

The more emotional I am, the more severe is the wound, and the less I am likely to talk or listen. There are situations where I want nothing more than to be held (depending on how claustrophobic I feel), and others where I need the presence at a distance. Yet at others I am best left alone. I hate nothing more than to be asked at the wrong time "what is wrong". It can have unforeseen consequences for the inquirer, even if they are completely innocent.

In most situations, the best thing to do is just to take my mind off it. In others, I need someone to listen while I make sense of what is happening within me. I won't be interrupted or rushed, but I am open to discussion and explaination. Often, by explaining I understand myself better than by merely thinking about it. In those cases, I only realise the truth of it once I have put it into words.

In short, I do most of the heavy lifting, but the presence and support of someone else, someone trusted, helps me more than anything else.

In the end, it's best to get me to laugh. The kind of laugh will show if I am successfully comforted or not.

 

[charlatan]

Oh, yeah. I am happy with hugs, though I somehow think they're more for positive times than negative. Negative times are when I like just discussing what's bothering me more/some reassurance to calm my nerves. (I'm maxed out on Big 5 neuroticism.)

Before then, I just squish it down inside. After then, I just squish it down inside. I'll let it out eventually, in an effort to convince myself that letting things out is healthy, but I'll typically be unequipped to deal with any potential aftereffects

If you don't mind saying, do you let yourself feel the pain, or is that also difficult? Obviously the stuff you say is very consistent with enneagram 2, but I'm wondering how it compares with enneagram 7s, who often enough will actually repress the pain/reframe it some way. I imagine given e2 is image-centric, it might have a little more to do with admitting the vulnerability to another, but I also imagine to some extent, it might be hard to admit it to oneself as well (after all, image isn't only for others, but also for oneself).