how do you plan to discipline your children?

[Feelings]

heh heh, heh.

Nice.

 

[storm eyes]

.

When it's necessary I sit down and put her over my knee and I count to three and spank her once and it's over. It's never in anger so it's never misunderstood and she's not afraid of me. She's never been afraid of me. If you saw the spank you'd know that it wasn't threatening but just a physical punishment. Then I give her a hug and tell her I forgive her and love her and we move on. Time outs were traumatic for her. She was really upset and it seemed to really have more of a lasting effect on her than just a spank. It's really not a big deal.

Thank you for your honest answer. I never physically disciplined my daughter, which for her and I was the right choice, my Mum disciplined me a few times, I don't think it damaged me in any way, she never did it in anger either, nor did I ever feel it came from an angry place. My daughter really responded to time out, it helped her reflect, she is an INxP, I don't know if that made a difference or not.

 

[CindyLou]

Thank you for your honest answer. I never physically disciplined my daughter, which for her and I was the right choice, my Mum disciplined me a few times, I don't think it damaged me in any way, she never did it in anger either, nor did I ever feel it came from an angry place. My daughter really responded to time out, it helped her reflect, she is an INxP, I don't know if that made a difference or not.

I think that it helps that I am consistent when I do it and I don't just come at her swinging or slapping but always do it in the same way and same position that way playing around isnt' mistaken for punishment and she's not afraid of me in general. Lol. I always tell her first what is about to happen, and count so she knows when it's coming and then it's over. It gets the point across quickly w/o confusion. I think at two-ish the timeouts were just too confusing, she didn't understand and she was soooo upset, hurt and confused. They made me uncomfortable. If anything outside of spanking worked, I would have done it. But, at the same time the timeouts felt like the punishment didn't fit the crime, almost emotional abuse. So, when it comes to kids like my daughter I don't see how a confusing emotional punishment is somehow better than a quick physical one. I mean, I get a lot of heat from people when I mention that I spank yet they will put their two year old kids in a room and shut the door for periods of time (when a kid has no concept of time) or force them to sit in a chair and turn their back on them and ignore them. If adults do that to each other it's called emotional abuse, the silent treatment. It's hard to determine how to get across something to the real little ones yet keep them safe. We all do the best I can, sounds like you did a great job with your daughter. Being a parent isn't for the wimps or the weak, that's for sure.

And I wasn't trying to pass judgment on the timeouts either, just to clarify, just for my daughter it seemed too much.

 

[storm eyes]

This is why I like this forum, genuine discussion without the hackles up (thanks subwayrider ). I know my sisters used different methods from me that worked with their family dynamic, that is why I said it was not from an attacking stance, kids develop at different stages, in different ways. I never put my daughter in a room alone, it was on the bottom step of the stairs, I think one of my favourite recollections was going out to check on her, she was reading a book very vigilantly, upside down. ~laughs~ that stubbornness has never subsided. I do believe we learn with our children, I am thankful everyday for the opportunity to be part of her life, that may sound super fluffy but it is true none the less.