How long does it take for you to know someone well?

My sense is you’ve got this backward — only in a committed relationship do you have the opportunity to discover who someone is.
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I agree. There seems to be only deeper and deeper levels of knowing someone... many of which need committed focus to reach.

That said, I will say that for me "how long" is very much related to the quality and quantity of time you spend with them. My future husband (now husband) and I got to know each other infinitely more after moving in with one another... It was almost like we'd reached a plateau in our relationship and we needed that as a next step. There is nothing like sharing a home and daily life with someone for some intense getting to know.

For friend relationships it still takes me a painfully long time to get to the point where I feel like we're past the social shields.... I feel I am very much still learning there.
 
No measure of time can be used to accurately determine how someone is, acts, or does things. Sure, you might have a good idea, but there are various factors in which the person can change, or simply do not show their true feelings. Case in point, my uncle was a cool guy, nice, even liked kids. He dated a woman who had a child, and he bonded very closely with her. He was cool to hang around with, and he would take me to various places, (movies, stores, resturants, etc etc.) But one day, he got in a fight with my grandmother, as he was living with her at the time. He didn't say a word. Just up and left, and also left behind a real nasty letter that made even my grandfather cry. I don't even know where he is now.
 
Depends on the person and the nature of your relationship. Some people you can get to know (almost) everything there is to know about them in a matter of a week; others, you may know them for ten years and still haven't scratched the surface of who they are.
 
Depends. There are people who I have known for years but I have never cared to get to know them and then there are others that I felt close to after just one conversation.
 
kiu said:
I don't even know myself well. I would say it takes a lifetime.
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The internal critique can make it hard to accept yourself which I think is part of that problem. Also we are constantly changing so it is difficult to define who we are yet alone others.
 
You only see someone's true colours in the face of adversity...

How they react in what are stressful situations to them...

Only then can you tell whether they are honorable human begins or not!!
 
doesnt it depend on how open the other person is toward you?
 
I know people very well within about 5 seconds.

However, it takes a lot longer for them to consciously/deliberately open up to me - but then I don't really give many people the chance to do that.
 
Depends on how much is well. Some people I don't know much specific information about but I can feel the resonance of their progressing essence, some individuals are more difficult to read and a lifetime could not be enough.
 
Hmm..that's a tough question. It takes me 30 minutes to see if a person has potential to get to know more and about 6 months to fully know them
(if there is solid contact btw each other)
 
Carrie said:
How long does it take for you to know someone well?


i know this relative, but i keep hearing someone say it takes a while, to really get to know people and fully understand who they are. While others say, not very long. They learned to get to know the person pretty quickly. I'm wondering if this changes depending whether it's a friendship or relationship.

For how long should you spend time with someone to know who and how they are as a person before moving towards a long term committment? i've heard 6 months to a year is typical.
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i know what i feel i need to know about a person in about fifteen minutes or less.
i understand where someone is coming from, where they're at, and where they're likely headed.
however, it takes a lifetime to know a person intimately, because it's a work in progress.
they change, you change, situations change etc
the amount of time to spend with someone before deciding whether they're a good match should depend on how you feel, not the calendar.
 
You can never fully know anyone. People are inconsistent, and spiteful, and capable of things they themselves cannot even imagine. People can turn on a dime.
 
JGirl said:
the amount of time to spend with someone before deciding whether they're a good match should depend on how you feel, not the calendar.
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I agree somewhat but what if you feel you know someone but find out later that they are not who or what you thought. Are feelings are always the best way to judge how well you know someone.
 
Carrie said:
I agree somewhat but what if you feel you know someone but find out later that they are not who or what you thought. Are feelings are always the best way to judge how well you know someone.
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feelings are, for me at least, the best way to know if it's a good match. i don't mean whether i love them enough, i mean feelings of what is compatible, feelings of what that relationship could offer me in terms of lessons and experiences etc.
i could feel that someone would be a perfect match for me even if they were a relative stranger, based on what i feel from them. the 'day to day' of people is too random to predict how someone will react and how they will grow or not grow with life's experiences.
the best way for me is to go on what i do know that is concrete. at least for me. did i say that already? lol
 
It varies. It's easier if they are forthcoming, but I have to spend a substantial amount of time with them (typically months) to observe how their actions correlate with what they tell me.
 
purplecrayons said:
You can never fully know anyone. People are inconsistent, and spiteful, and capable of things they themselves cannot even imagine. People can turn on a dime.
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agree. Yeah, I think the expectation that you can fully know someone is a tad bit unrealistic. People are not always aware of what they are capable of. The assumption that I can know everything about someone in a few minutes has lead me astray a few times. I assume quite a bit from first impressions but later realised how one sided that was. And some people are great at making you see what you want to see; they adapt themselves to other people's impressions or expectations very well, to the point where it seems authentic and quite natural, but it's really far from who they are.
 
Carrie said:
agree. Yeah, I think the expectation that you can fully know someone is a tad bit unrealistic. People are not always aware of what they are capable of. The assumption that I can know everything about someone in a few minutes has lead me astray a few times. I assume quite a bit from first impressions but later realised how one sided that was. And some people are great at making you see what you want to see; they adapt themselves to other people's impressions or expectations very well, to the point where it seems authentic and quite natural, but it's really far from who they are.
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Exactly. I know I am disillusioned, but I have known people for decades that have betrayed me in ways I never saw coming. You can't know, no matter the hours, days, years you spend "getting to know" a person. There will always be things left to uncover. Reactions and decisions you can't predict... THEY can't predict.
 
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