How old is too old? (Age gap in relationships)

I do not date men my age or younger. I have not been lucky enough to meet a guy my age who is mature enough to have a solid relationship. I prefer to date older, between 5-10 years older. I might even be persuaded to go older than that. It just depends on the guy and how well we click. It's different with women, though. We mature faster. So, when dating women I prefer them to be closer to my age. I still refuse to date younger. 22-26 is the preferred age bracket. I *might* consider 21 the girl was really fantastic.
 
I was in a beautiful relationship with a 20 year older woman for 8 years, which ultimately ended because I had reached a point in my life where I wanted children of my own. An age gap can be an interesting thing for the younger person. There is wisdom that comes with age and it rubs off on you. Added to that was the added responsibility I suddenly had. Within a year I was helping to raise a boy only 8 years younger than me, becoming a father figure, at age 19.

The environment fostered a great deal of emotional growth. The intensity of it. The drama. The chaos life threw at us and how we overcame it. How she did. She was an inspiration to me. I think that is where the greatest benifit, and greatest danger lies within relationships with large age gaps. I'm approaching 29 now, and for a while I had been looking for a new relationship. One where I felt on equal footing. One where both partners can grow together, and it was impossible for me to find that with any woman of my age. The only woman I considered more or less on the same level as myself was 14 years my senior. There were so many experiences forced on me before my time that generally women my age can't relate to me anymore as an equal once they get to know me. I'm just 28, and I find myself constantly slipping into a father like role now for women my own age.

Obviously, since I want children, I wasn't going to do go with an older woman again, so, I just went with it, the whole Daddy thing, and it's working out. I'm happy enough, and she is a kind, compassionate, intelligent woman, but if my own son or my own daughter were to follow me in my footsteps, I would try to persuade them to do otherwise. She is playing catch up, and it is going to be a while before we can grow together.
 
Well, I'm going to offer a fairly different opinion to some I've read....

I'm 26, and I am engaged to a 56 year old Divorcee. Now our circumstances are somewhat unique, as we first met, and fell for one another online through skype. I'm blind, and thus couldn't see his profile pic well enough, and I'm not the sort of girl who goes through the meaningless ASL chitchat, because I really don't care what age, location or sex you've got, I care about your intelligence and views, that is what I judge new friends on.

and he is intelligent and caring and a wonderful person to talk to, so we kept talking. I found myself getting up early or staying up late just so I could spend more time with him.


anyway, it got to the point where I needed to be honest with him about how I felt, otherwise, I didn't think my friendship was going to be entirely honest. I didn't know if he was married, had children, or anything, and I was setting myself up to be disappointed. it took me hours to get out what I wanted to say, and it turned out that he felt exactly the same, and we were so happy. Only then did it occur to me to ask how old he was.


that's when I found out. 55 at the time. Now, maybe, before I had feelings for him, I might have had an issue with it, and it never would have happened. but after it happened, those feelings are no less, I didn't stop loving him, it hardly even effected me. He's no less the man I fell for just because he's older than I thought he would be.

so now, my opinion is is that age, unless a question of legality is involved, is not so much a concern if you're both prepared to compremise, and if you both love one another enough that in your own hearts it doesn't matter. Love really does break down all barriors.
 
DevilDoll said:
I do not date men my age or younger.
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Not sure whether to be manically dissapointed or secretly relieved.
griffschen said:
so now, my opinion is is that age, unless a question of legality is involved, is not so much a concern if you're both prepared to compremise, and if you both love one another enough that in your own hearts it doesn't matter. Love really does break down all barriors.
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Well, besides your somewhat icky, mushy views, I have to say you're one of the few making sense.

It's perhaps the most honourable thing any creature can do, to say that they are capable of loving anyone.

I think about five people on the planet can say this, and depending on the day, I'm one of them.
 
Melkor said:
Not sure whether to be manically dissapointed or secretly relieved.


Well, besides your somewhat icky, mushy views, I have to say you're one of the few making sense.

It's perhaps the most honourable thing any creature can do, to say that they are capable of loving anyone.

I think about five people on the planet can say this, and depending on the day, I'm one of them.
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errrrrr....I think that's a complement....

I never used to be so mushy, it's a side-effect of having found the perfect person for me I'm afraid. I used to be hard hearted and I'd push people away so easily, even my partners, but not anymore, or at least I'm trying my hardest to be loving individual I really want to be.
 
Griffschen said:
errrrrr....I think that's a complement....

I never used to be so mushy, it's a side-effect of having found the perfect person for me I'm afraid. I used to be hard hearted and I'd push people away so easily, even my partners, but not anymore, or at least I'm trying my hardest to be loving individual I really want to be.
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I'm sorry for your loss.

Nothing is sadder than the death of personal logic.
 
is there an eye-roling emoticon here?
 
but...but...humouring people isn't in my nature! friendly debate is always more fun!
 
Griffschen said:
but...but...humouring people isn't in my nature! friendly debate is always more fun!
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Meh, it's okay.

I don't understand the INFJ's apparent glee with this sort of thing, so I can't expect you to understand this:
I really HATE falling in love.

It's paradoxical, isn't it?

Though it's true...

It has a few positive feelings, but the inadequacy, the embarassment, the confusion, and above all, the distortion of my personal logic, make it perhaps one of the worst and most difficult feelings one can have.
 
Really? it's the exact opposite with me, but then again, that's only this relationship.

the first few serious ones were honestly nothing but trouble and pain for me and they left me feeling spent and used and worthless.

but this one is totally different, in every possible way it could be different it is, and I can't wait to marry him.
 
Melkor said:
Meh, it's okay.

I don't understand the INFJ's apparent glee with this sort of thing, so I can't expect you to understand this:
I really HATE falling in love.

It's paradoxical, isn't it?

Though it's true...

It has a few positive feelings, but the inadequacy, the embarassment, the confusion, and above all, the distortion of my personal logic, make it perhaps one of the worst and most difficult feelings one can have.
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For one who apparently hates anything to do with love you talk about it an awful lot, and usually end your statements by alluding to how unlovable you are :/
 
April said:
For one who apparently hates anything to do with love you talk about it an awful lot, and usually end your statements by alluding to how unlovable you are :/
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Are we thinking of the same Melkor?

Hrm.

If you had half a brain, you'd know that I discuss love so frequently within this forum because it happens to be an FJ forum.
Apologies if you hadn't noticed this, but the title is right there.^

I am merely trying to educate you people, but don't worry April, you're far beyond hope, so I'll leave you out.;)
 
...what's wrong with marriage?

though in our case we're doing it for the wish to be together forever, and so we physically can be together forever.

Swiss law won't let a disabled australian with few qualifications in just out of niceness you know. we pretty much have no choice. their opinion is basically that if we love each other, we would want to marry, anything less just isn't serious.
 
I wouldn't know either way.

I missed out when I was a teenager, I missing out now too. 20-55 for me.

Why because I tend to attract older people, I just do. Unfortunately my single 50 something neighbor who I met at a yoga and nlp workshop thinks of me as a friend. And on the train my other 50 something friend said what am I really looking for, then she said find someone your own age. I'm open to the possibility. Speaking of which I was undeniably attracted to my infp friend who was a year older but unfortunately just gone out of a marriage, 34. Unfortunately I said one too many flakey things and she stopped communicating with me. Probably the bit about going from social jobs to less social jobs. And that bit about past life regression, I really shouldn't have said what happened there. I miss talking to her even if it was the best friendship I ever had. And I miss talking to my 18 year old friend, now 20.

Although these weren't relationships just friends I tried to relate somehow.
 
Melkor said:
Are we thinking of the same Melkor?

Hrm.
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Perhaps not. Many sides to Melkor, apparently.

If you had half a brain, you'd know that I discuss love so frequently within this forum because it happens to be an FJ forum.
Apologies if you hadn't noticed this, but the title is right there.^
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We discuss more than love here, and why would FJs be more prone to discussing love than other types? They're hardly the only ones with strong feelings.

I am merely trying to educate you people, but don't worry April, you're far beyond hope, so I'll leave you out.;)
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Oh, a life without Melkor's "education", somehow, I think I'll survive.
 
April said:
Perhaps not. Many sides to Melkor, apparently.



We discuss more than love here, and why would FJs be more prone to discussing love than other types? They're hardly the only ones with strong feelings.

Oh, a life without Melkor's "education", somehow, I think I'll survive.
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I think it's pretty obvious that not only are FJ's more prone to love than INTP's, but they're also more open and comfortable with openly discussing it.

Most of the romance threads on INTPforum get bashed you know, because we have better things to talk about.:)
 
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