how to attract an INFJ guy?

Rezityletsopa said:
Morgain said:
Thanks for the responses

So I'm going to put my Avatar is profile picture, I think that is the most INFJ'ish picture I have. (I should only photoshop those hands away because they can seem a bit weird :becky:
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If you are referring to the picture of you with a hand touching a pressure point below your throat, rethink removing the hand. With a brief explanation of what it is doing it is very INFJ. I recall first seeing it and thinking, whoa that is cool. It seem spiritual and physical at once.
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that is so cool! That is EXACTLY my feeling about shiatsu and the only reason that I have studied it.
 
I've attracted a couple of INFJ guys.

Its the Dark magic that did it.

:m163:
 
Be prepared for awkward silences, self confidence issues, seeming lack of spontaneity, some brooding, and a precipitous into love for you.
 
I adore the concept of INFJ males but I don't think it would last long. I think we'd be too similar and I'd get bored.
:(
 
randomsomeone said:
We are complicated....but in a nice way. Most women I know around here would have no idea how to deal with an INFJ guy.
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O...okay :m168:

Wyst said:
randomsomeone is right. We are complicated. We're like idiot savants when it comes to relationships.

All the women I know are still 20-somethings just out of college. They have a lot of growing up to do.
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Rezityletsopa said:
Be prepared for awkward silences, self confidence issues, seeming lack of spontaneity, some brooding, and a precipitous into love for you.
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Idiot savants when it comes to relationships? Can't that apply to anyone, given their personal experience and personality/maturity levels? I think everyone is capable of losing their excitement (or spontaneity) in a relationship if they don't work at it or put in that effort.

I guess I understand where you guys are coming from; but why so much fear (for lack of a better word) and hoshposh (there I made a better word..if it isn't some variant of something at already exists and I'm too tired to remember) over having an INFJ boyfriend? Aren't INFJ guys just as likely to fall under those things as INFJ girls? Or even girls (or guys) in general?

What exactly in the relationship itself or in the INFJ guy himself, would make such a drastic difference from other relationships?
 
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Billy said:
Don't date an INFJ male, they're head cases.
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Especially this ^ one.



Seriously though, I think the easiest way to attract an INFJ male, besides being physically attractive in the first place (which applies to pretty much everyone AND you can't do much about anyway), is to be a nice person. The nicer a girl I might be interested in is to me, the more attractive I find her. That might just be me though, but I'm guessing it would work on other INFJ males as well. I have a theory that it applies to everyone, but then I see people who don't seem to care that much about that kind of thing.

If you find a guy that you like, invite him to something (like lunch) and have some good conversations with him. You might not get INFJ on your first try, as INFJ males are the 2nd most rare gender/type combination (with INTJ females as the most rare combo), but you'll likely get an INXX, and maybe you'll like them as well.

Also, ENXX types can be great at understanding a person on the inside, though they put the majority of their energies toward social interactions and much less on personal reflection.
 
midnightmelody said:
I adore the concept of INFJ males but I don't think it would last long. I think we'd be too similar and I'd get bored.
:(
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From my experience with INFJ girls, boredom is never the case. However emotional overloads do happen and might ruin the relationship. You will also be subscribed to long term without doubt.

Research shows that attraction works best when people are similar.
 
Really, INFJ guys are pretty awesome...especially if they're balanced. I have just run into a lot of cases where a woman really did not appreciate the inner workings of the INFJ mind/soul/heart and wanted to run right past that all or change it. That said, I have also run into two women (friends) who really did understand, appreciate, and adore the INFJ soul. That was pretty cool.

I agree...being nice/genuine does help. Being willing to slow down a bit and really converse is great, too. For an INFJ it seems real attraction is a pretty deep/soul thing and that can evolve over time into something very, very special.
 
Lady Shiori said:
Idiot savants when it comes to relationships? Can't that apply to anyone, given their personal experience and personality/maturity levels? I think everyone is capable of losing their excitement (or spontaneity) in a relationship if they don't work at it or put in that effort.

I guess I understand where you guys are coming from; but why so much fear (for lack of a better word) and hoshposh (there I made a better word..if it isn't some variant of something at already exists and I'm too tired to remember) over having an INFJ boyfriend? Aren't INFJ guys just as likely to fall under those things as INFJ girls? Or even girls (or guys) in general?

What exactly in the relationship itself or in the INFJ guy himself, would make such a drastic difference from other relationships?
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Really. It's not what we promote it to be. The complication, the basket case moments.. yes we have them. Really though this self-depricating talk is a diversion. Not a very good one though..

It's like trying to hide something in plain sight but minimizing it by making light of it (speaking self-depricatingly). When we make light of it, it doesn't feel as bad as it actually is.

What is 'it', you might wonder? Exactly what Lady Shiori said. It's fear. At least, in my case it's fear.

I'm completely afraid I'll never find the her. So why try looking for her if I'm not confident the girl I'm currently interested in is really the one I'll wind up with? If I give it a shot and it doesn't work out, I've hurt someone and further reinforced the idea that I'm no good at realationships, I'll never find someone to settle down with, my fickle heart can't be trusted... and there you get the snow ball effect.

I don't think female INFJs are different from male INFJs in this respect. But I don't know any female INFJs that talk self-depricatingly about themselves, looking for positive reinforcement in the form of a compliment.

Really, the male INFJs, myself included, need to accept that they're imperfect, will never be able to get it 'right', and own it.. but they should not take responsibility for the actions and reactions of others in a relationship. I think this would free us up to being a little more bold, courageous, and strong for our ladies.
 
Wyst said:
Really. It's not what we promote it to be. The complication, the basket case moments.. yes we have them. Really though this self-depricating talk is a diversion. Not a very good one though..

It's like trying to hide something in plain sight but minimizing it by making light of it (speaking self-depricatingly). When we make light of it, it doesn't feel as bad as it actually is.

What is 'it', you might wonder? Exactly what Lady Shiori said. It's fear. At least, in my case it's fear.

I'm completely afraid I'll never find the her. So why try looking for her if I'm not confident the girl I'm currently interested in is really the one I'll wind up with? If I give it a shot and it doesn't work out, I've hurt someone and further reinforced the idea that I'm no good at realationships, I'll never find someone to settle down with, my fickle heart can't be trusted... and there you get the snow ball effect.

I don't think female INFJs are different from male INFJs in this respect. But I don't know any female INFJs that talk self-depricatingly about themselves, looking for positive reinforcement in the form of a compliment.

Really, the male INFJs, myself included, need to accept that they're imperfect, will never be able to get it 'right', and own it.. but they should not take responsibility for the actions and reactions of others in a relationship. I think this would free us up to being a little more bold, courageous, and strong for our ladies.
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*Taking of the ESTP hat for a moment*

You pretty much nailed it at the end there. The "basket case" in our relationships tend to be that we're afraid that we're not bold, courageous, and strong at all and it ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, if we've matured enough and/or found the right someone who helps us with this, we can be very good at making the lucky lady feel like she has someone who can be all that for her. This is because we like to idealize relationships, and when we're in one, we strive for perfection (which tends to be our other difficulty because it's hard for us to accept that we can't get that perfection).
 
Afrelen said:
*Taking of the ESTP hat for a moment*

You pretty much nailed it at the end there. The "basket case" in our relationships tend to be that we're afraid that we're not bold, courageous, and strong at all and it ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, if we've matured enough and/or found the right someone who helps us with this, we can be very good at making the lucky lady feel like she has someone who can be all that for her. This is because we like to idealize relationships, and when we're in one, we strive for perfection (which tends to be our other difficulty because it's hard for us to accept that we can't get that perfection).
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Agreed. INFJs can be their own worst enemy because we can't live up to our own standards. We're a textbook example of legalism.

"Because of all my relational failures, I'm not fit for a relationship at all until I get my act together".

Yeah, I can see some wisdom in that thought but it excludes grace, understanding, and forgiveness... all necessary for ANY relationship to survive.

If anyone doesn't agree with me, how about this. A 'confident' INFJ gets into a relationship... somethings happens.. they lose confidence, the have a basket case moment.. whatever.. are they now unfit for the relationship? Do they need to take a break until they put the pieces back together? I'd hope the answer would be a resounding 'NO'.

So what would this apply to INFJs (or any type) prior to entering a relationship? It doesn't. But INFJs can really let this rule them sometimes.
 
Morgain said:
Tomorrow I have a blind date with a guy from that website. He made it through my weird profile so I'm interesting to meet him!!

wish me luck and hope for me he is an awesome guy and not a mass murderer :m179::m162:and that he likes me :m153:
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Ahw, I'm very happy for you M! I hope it goes well. I will say my best "Please don't be Criminally Insane" prayer for you! ;)
 
If the girl I'm talking to now is anything to go by, be a sassy, independent smartass and I'll be all over you.

Last time I saw her, if I said something corny, she'd just say "good joke." She also called me a liar.

I might be in love. <333
 
J. Cardigan said:
If the girl I'm talking to now is anything to go by, be a sassy, independent smartass and I'll be all over you.

Last time I saw her, if I said something corny, she'd just say "good joke." She also called me a liar.

I might be in love. <333
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Oh good. I'm not the only INFJ male who likes sassy women.
 
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