I Like Pure and Calm Guys/Innocent Romance

I guess my emotions only go to the extreme ends. I'm either really hyper and emotional around a close friend, or quiet as fuck around people I don't care for talking to. I don't see any purpose in just chatting about stupid things and wasting time.

I'd like to marry my best friend. I've never gone from stranger=relatoinship, or even acquaintaince=relationship. Actually I did once, but I wasn't aware that he thought it was "dating," so I don't really count it. I only want to be in a relationship AFTER I fall in love, which takes anywhere from 1-3-4 years.

^ About my friend...well to be honest, I'm not entirely sure on how I feel about him yet. He always surprises me with his words/actions and I'm never really sure if he's who I think he is. I mean, sometimes, it seems like he just doesn't give a fuck about anything. As in "what happens, happens."Sometimes he doesn't take me seriously, or is insensitive...like teasing me about my chubby cheeks T__T or joking around if I talk about something bad that happened. Perhaps in his mind, he doesn't think it's important enough of an issue, so he'd only like to show concern if it seemed like a serious enough problem... He took this test and tested INTJ...so I guess it's just the "T" part of him. At the same time, when I seriously need help, he's there for me, and we have lots of fun convos. It's a wonderful complement because we can relate on how we see things, and while he's really rational, I provide the lulz and the imaginative stuff for him...so yeah LOL. I haven't talked to him at all about whether or not I like him, because the friendship is the most important thing to me, and I wouldn't want to do anything to make it awkward. Truly, I wouldn't mind if we just remained like this forever I guess...I mean, this is what a relationship would be like for me anyways. Actually, I've realized that all of my official relationships have been meaningless and lame..and it's my best friends who I have good memories with. Anyways, we both have many years of college/grad school ahead of us ^^; and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to get married until at least mid 20s haha. I hope our friendship lasts [usually my close friendships last like..a year, because the other person is also really emotional and we get into arguments] but I suppose it actually kinda helps that he's a bit stoic/unemotional lol. I guess I've also learned from my experience, so now I'm a better person than before. All in all, I guess we will see what happens. But really, I wouldn't know what I'd do without him x_x I live for people...not causes...which is rather unstable and unrealiable, but what can I do haha.
 
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DeadlyPacifist said:
I'd like to marry my best friend. I've never gone from stranger=relatoinship, or even acquaintaince=relationship. Actually I did once, but I wasn't aware that he thought it was "dating," so I don't really count it. I only want to be in a relationship AFTER I fall in love, which takes anywhere from 1-3-4 years.
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That seems exceptionally self centered and greedy. Is the guy supposed to wait around for 3 or 4 years without dating people while you figure out what you want?
 
[o_q];220582 said:
If I can get over the truth, so can anyone else. I don't say it to be mean, I say it to be fair. It's not my fault she chose to be biased.
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You may be somewhat interested in the "truth," it is most likely about eliciting an emotional reaction for your own personal enjoyment. The truth is far more complex than you make it out to be, and you should know better.

Or is it that her questions elicited an emotional response in you, and you acted on it?
 
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NeverAmI said:
You may be somewhat interested in the "truth," it is most likely about eliciting an emotional reaction for your own personal enjoyment.
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To be honest, it's not the emotions that I'm interested in, it is the result of introspection that I really want.

NeverAmI said:
The truth is far more complex than you make it out to be, and you should know better.
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You're speaking generally. Within the context of this particular "truth", people are either generally in denial for a reason, or they are not. I chose the one that made more sense to me. This truth suffices.
 
[o_q];220589 said:
To be honest, it's not the emotions that I'm interested in, it is the result of introspection that I really want.
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That is the WORST way I have ever seen to get an unemotional response, LOL. No offense!


[o_q];220589 said:
You're speaking generally. Within the context of this particular "truth", people are either generally in denial for a reason, or they are not. I chose the one that made more sense to me. This truth suffices.
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That makes sense, perhaps I misunderstand. :)
 
[o_q];220589 said:
To be honest, it's not the emotions that I'm interested in, it is the result of introspection that I really want.
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Hiding behind words does not obscure your intent.
You're speaking generally. Within the context of this particular "truth", people are either generally in denial for a reason, or they are not. I chose the one that made more sense to me. This truth suffices.
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Just because you can not see the attraction in romance does not mean that other people have to be desperate to want it. Your logic doesn't work as well as you think it does.
 
[o_q];220547 said:
Only because these are the only guys you can get/keep?
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Or maybe she just likes that kind of guys more?


Are you giving the rational approach a shot on this forum only because you can't "win" this kind of "discussions" on a forum of a much more rational type (or against people that care about the rational approach to this subject)? You should really try a less subjective thread for 'this'.

(Not that I'm saying that there are no rational INFJs (or ones that care about 'the rational approach') here, but only that this place is not famous for rational discussions about relationships.. that's why I like paying it a visit. :))

You're speaking generally. Within the context of this particular "truth", people are either generally in denial for a reason, or they are not.
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Well, this is just nonsense.

To be honest, it's not the emotions that I'm interested in, it is the result of introspection that I really want.
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You can do your introspection without provoking other people. You can bullshit all you want, but that question of yours can't be interpreted as anything other than a provocation since you didn't offer a single sentence to elaborate your view of "this particular 'truth'".



As for me, yea, I like that kind of girls too.
It's not that I'm not capable enough to get/keep any other kind but that I'm not attracted enough to them to even try harder.
 
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No sense said:
Or maybe she just likes that kind of guys more?
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Define just
(I can't proceed w/o it)

Are you giving the rational approach a shot on this forum only because you can't "win" this kind of "discussions" on a forum of a much more rational type (or against people that care about the rational approach to this subject)?
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No?
But maybe your accusation is no better than mine.
The real answer: I'm bored at work XD

(Not that I'm saying that there are no rational INFJs (or ones that care about 'the rational approach') here, but only that this place is not famous for rational discussions about relationships.. that's why I like paying it a visit. :))
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Why eat a burger in Chinatown? What can I say, I don't pay attention to my surroundings, and I do things because I feel like doing them. It's just the way it is.

Well, this is just nonsense.
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It makes no sense, or you disagree with it?
Either I'll clarify my nonsense, or you'll prove me wrong.

You can do your introspection without provoking other people.
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You're either assuming people are being provoked, or that I intend to provoke.

You can bullshit all you want, but that question of yours can't be interpreted as anything other than a provocation since you didn't offer a single sentence to elaborate your view of "this particular 'truth'".
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You wanting elaboration is not something I can control.
I tend to believe that some people are going inquire if we aren't on the same page.
Yes I do expect people to get offended because I know how people are. The way I see it is:

  • I face the same reality as everyone else
  • I don't make many judgments. To me, things are what they are, it's up to you to see it as good or bad.

You probably assumed that "not being able to keep" someone, is an insult. Who said that this is a failing on her part? People are different, and being able to "keep" everyone is unrealistic.

As for me, yea, I like that kind of girls too.
It's not that I'm not capable enough to get/keep any other kind
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It's a complex thing, the dynamics of who we are VS how we feel about each other. But is it not apparent that certain types of people don't get along with others?

You can list all the reasons in the world, but fundamentally it all breaks down to "are Ys compatible with Xs?". I tend to believe that people think whatever makes them happy, and if not, this negative emotion is designed make them change their conditions for a greater happiness.
 
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[o_q];220745 said:
The real answer: I'm bored at work XD
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Me too.

[o_q];220745 said:
and I do things because I feel like doing them. It's just the way it is.
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Careful, that comes close to the definition of a F. :D



I think the overall idea here is that it doesn't make logical sense to go to a forum based on people that prefer to prioritize based on feelings, and make statements that could be easily "misinterpreted" by those people.

Everyone here knows you are smart enough to understand cause and effect and we are stating that your actions can be interpreted as irresponsible. You are free to interpret this analysis how you like, but the odds of interpretation are most likely against you.
 
NeverAmI said:
Careful, that comes close to the definition of a F.
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Doing what you Feel like doing doesn't make you F. How your decisions affect others, make you F/T.

NeverAmI said:
I think the overall idea here is that it doesn't make logical sense to go to a forum based on people that prefer to prioritize based on feelings, and make statements that could be easily "misinterpreted" by those people.

Everyone here knows you are smart enough to understand cause and effect and we are stating that your actions can be interpreted as irresponsible. You are free to interpret this analysis how you like, but the odds of interpretation are most likely against you.
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I'm aware, but I do what I want :)
 
[o_q];220745 said:
Define just
(I can't proceed w/o it)
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'Just' as in 'simply'.

But maybe your accusation is no better than mine.
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It isn't any better. That was the point.

I don't pay attention to my surroundings, and I do things because I feel like doing them. It's just the way it is.
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You should. It's not about you, you know? These people enjoy talking about their preferences and doing it in a carefree way without being judged. That's why they made a community of like minded people here.
That's the way you choose. There is a difference.

It makes no sense, or you disagree with it?
Either I'll clarify my nonsense, or you'll prove me wrong.
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people are either generally in denial for a reason, or they are not.
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Well, first of all did you mean 'they are not in denial' or 'they are not in denial with a reason'? Second, I disagree.
I am under the impression that NeverAmI wasn't speaking generally..
But then again, some INFJs just don't like arguing..

You're either assuming people are being provoked, or that I intend to provoke.
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I think you are provoking.

You wanting elaboration is not something I can control.
I tend to believe that some people are going inquire if we aren't on the same page.
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If you, basically, say that someone is unable to get/keep any other kind of mate (in a 'nice' way) you should make sure you are on the same page as everyone who reads your post.


  • I don't make many judgments. To me, things are what they are, it's up to you to see it as good or bad.
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Ermmm... Yes, you are making judgments..
To you things are as you see them. It might be the way things truly are or it might not.

But is it not apparent that certain types of people don't get along with others?
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Yes, it is.

You probably assumed that "not being able to keep" someone, is an insult.
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I don't know if I'm all screwed up, but your question to the OP didn't sound all that friendly.

These are nice people, dude! Don't troll here! :m107:

I'm aware, but I do what I want
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That's not very mature. How old are you?


Didya kill any threads around here lately?
 
[o_q];220547 said:
Only because these are the only guys you can get/keep?
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I..don't..really ... get why are you saying this. : | as no sense had said, your question sounds provoking. Forgive me if that's not your intention, maybe I am being oversensitive. :m176:

However so:
a) Causation doesn't mean correlation; not all statement of taste or preference imply ability or inability.
b) Assuming you're correct, How is it bad to tame/keep/have a relationship to those you -can- keep, as opposed to those you can't? Not all people (or INFJ, for that matter) are masochists.

I'll go and ask it directly : what's your opinion? :D
 
[o_q];220793 said:
Doing what you Feel like doing doesn't make you F. How your decisions affect others, make you F/T.
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Being concerned about the feelings of others could be attributed to Fe.

Fi doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how it affects others.
 
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No sense said:
If you, basically, say that someone is unable to get/keep any other kind of mate (in a 'nice' way) you should make sure you are on the same page as everyone who reads your post.
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This is why I dislike INTP's. Everyone says they are acting like a jerk and they say that the problem isn't them its everyone else.

On Edit: EVERY INTP I've ever met has had this problem :(
 
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