The thing is that only a week ago he said he loved me and wanted to be with me. Then he got upset when I told him I didn't feel like he was really into me and started saying that no woman ever tells him what to do and he hates the fact that I am telling him how he feels. Two days ago he said he was frightened by the whole thing.
I just don't get it. Is this guy emotionally unavailable (he didn't seem this way) or is he simply terrified of being with a woman? If the former, why not just say it? The previous guy I dated was very honest with his unavailability and told me to not waste my time with him. I respected him for being upfront and we are still friends.
The thing is that the guy I am currently dating and I have been friends (albeit mostly long distance) for over 8 years. It would be interesting to see if my emotional message does in fact illicit an answer from him (my mom claims that he is probably ashamed of himself).
At this point I am considering dropping him as a friend as well.
If I told someone that I loved them and they told me that I didn't really seem into them, I would be agitated. You ask
"is he simply terrified of being with a woman?...why not just say it?". But in the paragraph before that, you told us,
"he said he was frightened by the whole thing." Therefore, he did 'just say it.' You're hearing him but you're not
listening to him.
And maybe you
are pressuring him. It would all depend on what you wrote in those emotional texts/emails. From reading your past threads, I get the sense that you are an 'all or nothing' type of girl and can flip your switch without notice. The sudden intensity of your ON mode could have been too much for him all at once. Most people (no matter how much they care for someone) would prefer to gradually work their way into becoming an item. When he talked about living together in the future and spending more time together, he probably meant
eventually and
over time. You 'warming up' was probably like going from cold to hot and he was overwhelmed.
Either way, calling him 'emotionally abusive' is a bit extreme. He said 'I love you' and you basically called him a liar, even though that's what you wanted to hear from him.
He is not the one sounding emotionally abusive there.
Anyway, the way I see it, men always seem to disappoint you, therefore, this is what you expect so you look for reasons to prove this point. Dont you see? There is no way he could possibly win.