INFJ and living alone?

Thanks for the advice, EloquentBohemian. After reading your definition of the difference between loneliness vs solitude, I think I may of had my wording wrong in my post. What I meant was that I don't like complete solitude. Sure, I really enjoy being able to go to my room and get away from everyone, but I like knowing that there's someone around who I can talk to when I've had enough of solitude (and that's what I'm lacking right now).

EloquentBohemian said:
But what you do have is freedom. :D
And that's scary.
You get to decide how your life goes without anybody telling you what to do or having anyone to give guidance. This is probably where the part of feelings come from.
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You wouldn't believe how relevant that statement is in my life right now. I finished high school last year and the change in lifestyle really came as a shock to me. Hell, I'm still getting used to being a considered an adult instead of a teenager. :lol:
 
Nemo, do you work/study mostly alone?

I ask, because part of my enjoyment of living alone is because it is a break from having being exposed to too much noise and too many people in the day.

Work/study is different from going to noisy/crowded places like malls (which I detest above all things), because you can be out of place and alone in malls, but not in most work-places or tutorial groups/laboratory sessions.
 
Problem solved. :) I think it was just a time hurdle I had to cross.

Flavus Aquila said:
Nemo, do you work/study mostly alone?

I ask, because part of my enjoyment of living alone is because it is a break from having being exposed to too much noise and too many people in the day.

Work/study is different from going to noisy/crowded places like malls (which I detest above all things), because you can be out of place and alone in malls, but not in most work-places or tutorial groups/laboratory sessions.
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I'm currently unemployed but I do volunteer work Monday to Thursday.

I hate going to malls too. I usually try to avoid going to malls unless I'm with a group of people.
 
I don't know if I can contain myself if I live alone.

- from a person who still lives with parents and siblings
 
Liv said:
CSDiva you should go for it if you can afford it!I also have a cat,boots and adores me and i adore him,im currently living back at home and making a long commute,(not that living with family is any easier!!)but once i can afford i hope to move on my own,it will be nice to have a place with just my things and the way i want it,the solice and privacy will be nice too!youre not an antisocial freak....but im beginning to wonder is it the infj's who age into eccentric old cat people?? ;)
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Yeah, probably. I have a vision of me when I'm considerably old and, to other people, it may sound depressing and lonely, but for me and maybe some INFJs, it'll be great to have all that freedom, feline company and space. I can definitely envision myself living alone with cat(s) when I'm older. :cool:
 
I heart my Fortress of Solitude. If I didn't have a place to recharge, I'd be EVEN stranger. And no one wants/needs to see that.

People take up too much energy.
 
I'm moving out!!! As of next week, I will have my own place!! Eeee!

I'm just a little excited. :P
 
INFJ and living alone

Congratulations, CSDiva!! You're going to love it! I remember my first night in the first house I bought on my own. My happiness woke me from a sound sleep and I walked naked into the living room where I sat in the dark for several hours, just reveling in all the space that was mine, all mine...

It's always been a conflict for me: my penchant for solitude and my fantasy of living happily in a large, non-traditional family. I was wise enough to know I couldn't tolerate a traditional family. I did fairly well as a single mom for a couple years, but I think my kids had a more stable upbringing with my roommate as part of the family.

Now that the kids are out on their own, it's my roomie and me and our aide, who is here from 6:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. five days a week and is very much a part of the family after 11 years. Then there are all the animals: two dogs and three cats. And now my bf is moving in if we can get a deferred loan to build him a room as an addition to the house. Of all the people I've ever lived with, I think he'll be the easiest (famous last words) because he too is solitary and we'll basically have separate living quarters. Still, if I didn't feel so strongly about getting him out of the public housing hellhole he lives in now, I would leave things as they are with the two of us being two bus rides apart.

The other thing about this madhouse in which I live is we have too many animals: two dogs and three cats and now that we have them, we're responsible for them.
 
Yes, I just got a full time job, so I'm very lucky and can move out.

To me, piece of mind is more important than money. But, everyone has different priorities.
 
There have been many roommate situations over the years that made me feel a bit trapped. I need some kind of personal solitude to escape to. On the other hand, I have had times in my life where I lived alone and felt isolated from all people causing significant personal pain. There were a couple of roommates that I was able to make friends with. I usually need some kind of structure in order to make friends because it is tough for me to improvise socially at first.

My sweety had to leave for a couple of months, so I am alone now. I miss him terribly. My ideal is to live with one person who is a kindred spirit. I love having a quiet hermit buddy. That's perfect.
 
I am an INFJ and I live alone. However....I ride the commuter train w/ people, work in a downtown setting w/ people, and dine as a regular at a place where I know lots of people. In light of this, living alone is a bit of a balance....I enjoy people and I enjoy the alone time.

Now, I do have 20-something kids that move in from time to time. Well, they used to...three of them got married this year. Anyway, my youngest son lives here w/ me when he is home from school and we do fine. I've tricked out my back room to be pretty self-contained so we can both get any alone time we may need.
 
I experienced a roommate for nearly a year but her and I found that we 'grew' into the roles, the bond becoming stronger with each passing month. I went back to visit her not long ago and I recall her saying something along the lines of, "I miss living with you, if you came home and you weren't in a good mood -- it was usually clear on your face or i'd ask, you'd say "nope, goin' to my room" and that's when i'd toss a cigarette your way and leave you be." The both of us also had the same ridiculous standards for cleanliness and desire to watch movie after movie. Oh, and chips and dip at 3am. I miss those parts of having a roommate you mesh well with.

The downside, and ultimately the cause for my moving out, was my roommate loved to party! Beer cans, glasses with cigarette butts (biggest pet peeve ever when you do dishes by hand, thanks!), spills, people sleeping over. I would feel so embarrassed waking up before everyone and having to walk out in the hall for the bathroom, I'd be terrified of running into somebody. Scared in my own home!

Once I caught on to my roommates affinity for dark rum and how it wasn't going to slow down anytime soon, I made the decision once that I wouldn't enable it and I stuck to it. I had come to feel completely drained, worrying about her at the bars, any men she would bring home, her emotional stress (I was her confidant) but that combined with the downtown atmosphere at 17, I eventually burned out. A feeling all INFJs are familar with: EXHAUSTION!

I live with my parents and sibling while I go to school now, I make them dinner twice a week but otherwise my space is respected. I'll be living on my own in a basement suite come next September when I transfer schools. I could not be more ready.

I hope your experience is all that you hoped for, CSD! Keep us posted!
 
anomaly said:
I experienced a roommate for nearly a year but her and I found that we 'grew' into the roles, the bond becoming stronger with each passing month. I went back to visit her not long ago and I recall her saying something along the lines of, "I miss living with you, if you came home and you weren't in a good mood -- it was usually clear on your face or i'd ask, you'd say "nope, goin' to my room" and that's when i'd toss a cigarette your way and leave you be." The both of us also had the same ridiculous standards for cleanliness and desire to watch movie after movie. Oh, and chips and dip at 3am. I miss those parts of having a roommate you mesh well with.
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Pretty cool! I had my youngest sister live at my place for a few months and it was rather awesome because she was responsible enough to hold up her end of the living arrangement (helping me with bills, mutually deciding things to get for the house) and we shared drugs and nobody ever wanted to impose on the other so we each had our space and were comfortable inviting each other into it. It was actually slightly more fun than living alone because I could interact with her whenever I wanted to, and yet without having to when I didnt want to.

It's good if both parties seek mutual compromise without forcing it on each other, or feeling forced into it by misunderstandings or one seeking dominance -- but its ultimately very very very difficult to find a very good roommate, sometimes even amongst good people, or those you know well.

Whats that saying? 'Familiarity breeds contempt' or something like that. Small peeves can easily magnify when they're not dealt with swiftly.
 
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