[INFJ] INFJ and youthful naivety. Confessions?

[Trifoilum]

Sometimes it's a truly lack of knowledge;

other times it can be a defense mechanism. A subconscious denial or refusal to think about it.

or a hopeful uncertainty ("Well this can be this horrible thing A or a less than horrible thing B-- SURELY IT IS B BECAUSE TO THINK OTHERWISE WOULD BE NERVEWRACKING")

Experienced all three.

 

[indigoINFJempath]

Many people can actually be afraid of their own feelings and emotions. This can be for many reasons, not the least of which is that society expects everyone to be "up" all the time to be productive or not to make others uncomfortable (rocking the boat).

I have finally faced the fact that I cannot hide from myself or my feelings and emotions. I face them fully no matter how raw and uncomfortable or beautiful and uplifting. I find that I cannot fully enjoy the high side of the emotional pendulum if I do not allow it to swing to the low side when appropriate. Life is a mix and I do not want to block my own energy.

I find that Tranquility is the mid-still point of the pendulum and I reach it only after my feelings and emotions have been fully faced and exhausted.

 

[Trifoilum]

Many people can actually be afraid of their own feelings and emotions. This can be for many reasons, not the least of which is that society expects everyone to be "up" all the time to be productive or not to make others uncomfortable (rocking the boat).

Emotions are volatile. It made people do crazy, inhumane, ridiculous, insane things. Sometimes it's things as small as, say; eating that food you're not supposed to eat; or not going to class; or -finally- telling off that stupid annoying co-worker. Other times it's more impactful things-- I'm talking about Vegas weddings, extramarital affairs, staying in an abusive relationship, hitting your spouse and children. And we're only talking about personal expression here-- not yet organizational.

And the irony being, the less we express our emotions; the more our emotional outbursts are going to .be uncontrolled, violent-- and the more we'll see our emotions as volatile, dangerous. Something to be feared upon.

Add the societal lashback you hinted there (whiny. crybaby. ungrateful idiots. evil. rioters. terrorists.) and-- yeah, it's very sadly understandable that people see their emotions as something scary and terrifying and uncontrollable-- and that repression is the best solution for them.

This is where I consider the naivety described here as our subconscious's methods to spare ourselves the............animalistic anger, as much as possible
Because the subconscious is aware of many things.

 

[indigoINFJempath]

Emotions are volatile. It made people do crazy, inhumane, ridiculous, insane things. Sometimes it's things as small as, say; eating that food you're not supposed to eat; or not going to class; or -finally- telling off that stupid annoying co-worker. Other times it's more impactful things-- I'm talking about Vegas weddings, extramarital affairs, staying in an abusive relationship, hitting your spouse and children. And we're only talking about personal expression here-- not yet organizational.

And the irony being, the less we express our emotions; the more our emotional outbursts are going to .be uncontrolled, violent-- and the more we'll see our emotions as volatile, dangerous. Something to be feared upon.

Add the societal lashback you hinted there (whiny. crybaby. ungrateful idiots. evil. rioters. terrorists.) and-- yeah, it's very sadly understandable that people see their emotions as something scary and terrifying and uncontrollable-- and that repression is the best solution for them.

This is where I consider the naivety described here as our subconscious's methods to spare ourselves the............animalistic anger, as much as possible
Because the subconscious is aware of many things.

The real irony, imho, is that when people think of emotions, all the bad ones come to mind without considering the good ones. The real issue is how to deal with emotions, not the emotions themselves as they are just messengers. Nothing can "make" anyone do anything - that is victim mindset and acting out is a CHOICE. But people choose to act out when they do not face the emotion and its message and sit with it or they find ways to numb out and block up their emotional body. Many people do not handle their emotions maturely and that is what causes a whole host of complexes.

 

[indigoINFJempath]

I lived with many thinkers growing up. They can be good at stuffing emotions which then come out in cruel ways when you least expect it. Zombies comes to mind.

 

[Trifoilum]

The real irony, imho, is that when people think of emotions, all the bad ones come to mind without considering the good ones. The real issue is how to deal with emotions, not the emotions themselves as they are just messengers. Nothing can "make" anyone do anything - that is victim mindset and acting out is a CHOICE. But people choose to act out when they do not face the emotion and its message and sit with it or they find ways to numb out and block up their emotional body. Many people do not handle their emotions maturely and that is what causes a whole host of complexes.

Precisely. But people who don't spend enough time with their emotions and feelings failed to see that. Failed to see that emotions are messengers. Failed to see the deeper, greater wound. So they lashed out to silence it, to feed it, to quieten it.

Actually I think what these people are repressing aren't particularly emotions.

Vulnerabilities.

Because a lot of these people also blocks a lot of positive emotions-- but it's the kind of positive emotions that made you look 'weak'. Like caring for your family, like being affectionate, like being intimate.

Of course...this is kinda off-topic, so. :|

 

[CosmicINFJ]

Precisely. But people who don't spend enough time with their emotions and feelings failed to see that. Failed to see that emotions are messengers. Failed to see the deeper, greater wound. So they lashed out to silence it, to feed it, to quieten it.

Actually I think what these people are repressing aren't particularly emotions.

Vulnerabilities.

Because a lot of these people also blocks a lot of positive emotions-- but it's the kind of positive emotions that made you look 'weak'. Like caring for your family, like being affectionate, like being intimate.

Of course...this is kinda off-topic, so. :|

Not off topic at all. I appreciate your thoughts on this.

 

[Catcool72]

This resonates so much. I just turned 21 and I feel as if I've reached a spiritual awakening and so many things I lived in and identities I took on from the afflictions and views of society has just wrecked me.

I was very ridiculed as a child and polar opposite from my father and all his family. But even in that I still knew I wasn't intuned with the world or society. I don't put blame on anyone but I grew up believing certain things about myself because of my nurture. In my nature I would just cry myself to sleep every night. As my faith plays a major role in my life from a young age and emotional awareness in my personality heightened my confusion.

I was molested by another older male cousin of mine and grew up wanting to kill myself because I knew that it wasn't me. Yet my parents would tell me I'm too much of a perfectionist to be straight and too emotional for a man. Things like wearing sandals defined you as a sissy and the whole ten yards and beyond of macho man crap. So I grew up asking God why he created me if he was just going to kill me. I forgot to mention their newly found religiousness that they were working through at that time. I managed until I was 18 and starting college and went out and tried to explore that sexuality. I never enjoyed it but I kept going with it trying to find the good in something that's just not me (and I'm not condemning anyone but in sex I never reached enjoyment (if you get my point))

I just had a lot of unrest within me and began journaling a lot and trying to figure why. All while pouring too much of myself into other people. And things just hit me. I was aware of reasons me why I lived through things so long and tried to believe things that of society that wouldn't even begin to define my inner life. And yeah I'm just working through all that now trying to get my mind back to that childish purity and awe within me and I've always been kinda passive or not full of myself so I just roles with the punches. Now I'm just trying to get past the not me into the is me and it's like not much difference but all the difference because personality and perceived sexuality is not the same. And I hope that doesn't sound condescending but it's like I'm finally free from that lie and I can at least have a solid direction. You know when something completely contrary to who you are has been beaten into you and it all turns out to be a lie you have a sense of redemption and freedom that goes with.