INFJ Defenses

Mute withdrawl? This the same thing as when i am mad at my roomate, or a friend, or a family member I will just not speak with them at all? "the silent treatment"?

This is a good one, i was at my Brother's house and he made me mad, (he is an INTJ) so we left the gym and when we got into my brother's house my two brother's were watching tv and i was mad, so i actually just fell asleep rather than talk to my one brother.
 
Reading these posts . . . it's like watching the nightmare of my life live on in others . . .

I am a pro at the silent treatment. Stopped all communication once for one month with someone, am currently on day ten with my BFF b/c she was warned not to poke the bear . . . and I'm still snarly . . . (why do they insist on poking the bear? never poke the bear. the bear asked very nicely, too . . .)
 
ZenCat said:
It takes a tremendous amount of will to decide not to hurt somebody who may be pushing you into an aggressive response.
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Yeah, that's the crux of it for me. When I get in those situations where I feel cornered and forced to act aggressively as a last line of defense, I know I can say some hurtful things. Especially because of the whole intuition/empathy thing... I know I could say some really REALLY hurtful things, daggers that cut deep, or even kill (if I really wanted to). And I don't like to lash out wildly with that kind of power. I'll just end up regretting having hurt someone. So it seems like a better option to just to shut the hell up and take the blows ('cause I know I can take them), and wait a spell while I sort out the situation, and then try to re-address it in a less directly confrontational way. Plus I'd probably be sore from just the rawness of the emotionally heightened interaction, and need to run away to lick wounds the other person probably didn't intend to inflict or even know about.

It's funny though, in thinking about this I thought about times when I have been pissed at someone, fantasized about giving them a piece of my mind, come up with some real zingers, and then realized they probably wouldn't work because the person didn't see the world on the level I do. My most powerful and well crafted blows would hit nothing but air due to sheer... ignorance. Foiled again!
 
if it's with someone i care deeply about, and over a matter that i care deeply about, it most definitely will not be mute, and probably not withdrawal. i end up fighting for my cause.

if it's something that isn't going to affect my life in a huge way, but still irritates me, my defense is not to go mute, but distance myself emotionally from the situation and address the cold, hard facts. no more emotion - just isn't worth it. i'll still try to solve the problem though.

if it's something that i know won't change by any argument or discussion - that's the 'silent treatment/mute withdrawal/whatever, your life' time. :)
 
As an INFJ, I often go mute and gloomy when I don't know how to communicate. It just seems as if saying nothing at all is the best course of action. This is always misinterpreted, and then it's even harder to "get back to normal".

I really like being an INFJ, but it is very lonely and hard not being able to share yourself with the world. And when you do, they rarely comprehend what it is you are excited, worried, or marveling at. Which makes sharing or communicating intense feelings even harder as time goes on?

It's very lonely for me. Seems like a shame that we feel so much and share so little.

And I am "one of those INFJ's" that seem to have psychic abilities. Definitely empathic to the point that I cannot believe it myself at times.

It would be nice to talk to other people who can relate instead of hiding myself away and letting others talk about how weird people are that experience the things that I do. Makes me feel like a freak. So I just keep my mouth shut.

But I really want to share!! Guess that's why you are reading about it huh!
 
I will give you the silent treatment and spare you the angry yells. But ofcourse you just have to know why and keep bugging me and bugging me untill you really piss me off and then I let you have it... I guess I quit talking to people because they just don't get it and I am tired of explaining it to them. Good defense mechanisim. I feel that, I at times need to think my way through problems and arguments. And being distracted by your voice infuriates me..
 
I agree..

Yes, this is what I do every time. It's so hard not to, but I find that every time I do not keep my mouth shut I say something I regret because I am overflowed with feelings. I also believe when I become mute, I feel as if there is no reason to even talk about it and I choose not to open up, because opening up is what got me there in the first place.

I never think about the things I say when I feel hurt, betrayed, angry, sad, or disappointed, so muting myself is the best choice possible, I think.

oh and efromm... "you don't get it and I'm tired of explaining it to you" is right on target!
 
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rdeaf said:
As an INFJ, I often go mute and gloomy when I don't know how to communicate. It just seems as if saying nothing at all is the best course of action. This is always misinterpreted, and then it's even harder to "get back to normal".

I really like being an INFJ, but it is very lonely and hard not being able to share yourself with the world. And when you do, they rarely comprehend what it is you are excited, worried, or marveling at. Which makes sharing or communicating intense feelings even harder as time goes on?

It's very lonely for me. Seems like a shame that we feel so much and share so little.

And I am "one of those INFJ's" that seem to have psychic abilities. Definitely empathic to the point that I cannot believe it myself at times.

It would be nice to talk to other people who can relate instead of hiding myself away and letting others talk about how weird people are that experience the things that I do. Makes me feel like a freak. So I just keep my mouth shut.

But I really want to share!! Guess that's why you are reading about it huh!
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I can relate ...today I been gloomy all day. Everything seems perfect around me, but no one can really understand me and I feel so alone...

People tell me I must smile in my sleep, and I am so cheerful, but I dont feel that way inside....
 
mexymoo said:
I can relate ...today I been gloomy all day. Everything seems perfect around me, but no one can really understand me and I feel so alone...
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And you can tell when people are just humoring you! That's even worse I think.

Hope the gloom clears quickly for you.
 
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I either withdraw or attack right back. I tend to give the silence treatment usually (expecting one to "figure out" what's wrong, as if it ever worked... so lame!). Those are defenses I use with close family members; not with everyone, though. When I feel threatened or hurt by friends, I'll either defend myself during the argument, or simply disappear... the latter happens a lot! Then people will ask me where have I been, and I'd say something like "I'm just chilling at home..." (lame, again!) Go figure!
 
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When I am upset with someone, I usually will just flat out avoid them. I can not stand conflict. When it doesn't involve me though, I will talk alot and invaraibly become the mediator for the situation.

I usually go mute withdraw when I am, or am at risk or becoming embaressed in someway, which is VERY easy to do.
 
rdeaf said:
As an INFJ, I often go mute and gloomy when I don't know how to communicate. It just seems as if saying nothing at all is the best course of action. This is always misinterpreted, and then it's even harder to "get back to normal".

I really like being an INFJ, but it is very lonely and hard not being able to share yourself with the world. And when you do, they rarely comprehend what it is you are excited, worried, or marveling at. Which makes sharing or communicating intense feelings even harder as time goes on?

It's very lonely for me. Seems like a shame that we feel so much and share so little.

And I am "one of those INFJ's" that seem to have psychic abilities. Definitely empathic to the point that I cannot believe it myself at times.

It would be nice to talk to other people who can relate instead of hiding myself away and letting others talk about how weird people are that experience the things that I do. Makes me feel like a freak. So I just keep my mouth shut.

But I really want to share!! Guess that's why you are reading about it huh!
Click to expand...

*nod* I understand this completely
 
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