INFJ/ESTP compatibility

Motor Jax said:
is there any way around this? can we turn these weaknesses into strengths? or is it something that is just inherent in us all?
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 The solution is simple: don't worry. You really shouldn't base so much on your MBTI. An MBTI is only four letters, that just so happen to correspond to some fundamental properties of your personality. However, a personality is mostly your subtleties and nuances. You each have little things that are completely separate from your MBTI, and it seems that these things are the reasons you fell for each other. So what if somebody out there wrote something that says it can’t work? This person’s never met either of you, and is completely disregarding what most of a personality is made of.
Another huge advantage you two have is you actually basically understand each other’s thought processes through your MBTI. That description, for any validity it has, was written for people who don’t comprehend their MBTI. The metaphorical two people in the description are both trying to solve their problems in their own way, and just end up tripping over the other. You two are less likely to do this, because you understand and respect your basic differences. From what I read, you two have a beautiful relationship, and don’t need to worry about this.

By the way, MJ, I’m wishing you the best luck of finding a job!
 
Personally, I don't think I could ever get along with an ESTP. I mean, I usually dont get along with S's in general. The OLNY exception is (ironiclly) my best friend who is ISTP. She doesn't really remind me of one though. Were actually very similar.
 
Motor Jax said:
i am the INFJ male, CokeNut is the ESTP female...

in fact, we had the conversation just this past weekend (while we were doing some major yardwork at her parents house)...


...and i asked her, "what if the roles were reversed, with an ESTP male and INFJ female?"

Coke's immediate answer, "it won't work."

"why is do you think its not possible? i mean, we work out alright."

Coke states, "simply because of the gender roles of society. and in various societies, the women are raised to take care of the men. it would be too much of a strain on the INFJ female."


... she was getting at the point that the only we have worked out thus far, is because she is the ESTP female...
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I'd be inclined to disagree; I am the female in our INFJ/ESTP operation, and so far it's been working out quite nicely ;)
Honestly, I think it works out because we're delicate in different ways, but strong also in different ways. I can take all the strain in the world, as long as someone is there to back me and not judge me. My ESTP needs a whole bunch of physical and verbal reassurance, and once I know that it's "alright" to do that and I won't get judged, I can do it very well.
So he reassures me whenever I need it, and vice versa.

Actually, sometimes I think he's even more sensitive than I am. I think it's because he wears it on his sleeve; I keep it at the core.

He likes playing roles, though. He's all about his masculinity. I play it off for him a bit, but not enough to confine myself. We're both comfortable with it, I think :)
 
Food for thought, just in case you hadn't seen it already (oh, and it disturbs me):
The oracular INFJ may opt for the inventive ENTP, but also may go for a different kind of contrary, namely the ESTP. The ESTP and ENTP, to the casual observer, look pretty much alike. Charming, suave, urbane, humorous, witty, fantastically easy to approach, venturesome, even reckless. But one is out to invent, the other to promote; this is no small difference. It takes an inventor to make a mousetrap, it takes a promoter to make an enterprise. To succeed, the promoter has to be, in the best sense of the word, a con artist. He must be able to get people's confidence. Now why would a meaning-giver INFJ be intrigued by an entrepreneur ESTP? Because he wants to help the entrepreneur find his soul and his significance in the scheme of things. Similarly, why is the INFJ attracted to ENTP? Because he wishes to rescue this iconoclast from his seeming folly (and let's face it, most inventions are abortive, or still-born).
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I thought this interesting and wondered if anyone's relationship feels like this.
 
Directed to CokeNut & MotorJax: Do you CokeNut often flirt with other men? And if so, what do you MotorJax feel about that?
 
*Good* thread. I like these conversations - it helps me balance my own thoughts about my ESTP Mom. I love her, but we miscommunicate/misunderstand each other so often it's not even funny. :(
 
lorkan said:
Directed to CokeNut & MotorJax: Do you CokeNut often flirt with other men? And if so, what do you MotorJax feel about that?
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I don't tend to flirt with other guys, and if I do, I don't really notice it. Jax tends to be pretty arrogant about things like that ... you know the She-Coming-Home-With-Me attitude.
 
lorkan said:
Directed to CokeNut & MotorJax: Do you CokeNut often flirt with other men? And if so, what do you MotorJax feel about that?
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she does flirt, yes. but i don't think its something she can help... she has an attractive personality. she also says she knows when she is being flirted at. this is where we are different. i may flirt, but if i'm being flirted, i am totally oblivious to it and she will point that fact out later to me...

how do i feel about it? heh, it doesn't really bother me... we are both flirtatious in our own ways...
 
CokeNut said:
I don't tend to flirt with other guys, and if I do, I don't really notice it. Jax tends to be pretty arrogant about things like that ... you know the She-Coming-Home-With-Me attitude.
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hahah... yea...

like i stated before, she doesn't do the flirting on purpose... its just her personality that draws people...
 
so... how can i put this..?

i have found the INFJ is stubborn and set in his ways... being with an ESTP who tries to give advice and be there, the INFJ had already narrowed things down in his mind that there is only one alternative to everything, mainly to get to the end result, and not paying attention to the road to get there... the ESTP seems to be more detailed oriented on how to get there instead of the end result...

the ESTP tends to need more Fe, a concept foreign to the INFJ where everything is more internalized... the ESTP also makes their own social structure, whereas the INFJ sees the social structure before trying to merge into it...

the ESTP may be there for support, for which thanks is hard for the INFJ to express... but the INFJ feels very strongly about the relationship and will most likely trust the ESTP... but in times of trouble, stress, or turmoil the INFJ will be trying to gather a sense of self-worth... which would also become to great for the ESTP to stand...



... and like in my case, she would leave... :(
 
ESTPs are cute but grate my brain after prolonged exposure. Teenage ESTPs are insufferable. I find ESTPs over 25 much more tolerable to be around...but then, that applies to just about any type. *shrug* Lol

I had a friend in high school, a ESTP cheerleader, who I got along with (we were fond of filming stupid movies together--she did the editing, I wrote the scripts and thought up the angles for shooting). It was alright, but I couldn't talk to her about anything deep without the conversation derailing into bubblegum subjects...or back to herself. Ahhh, she was SO fond of talking about herself.

All the ESTP males I know are players.
 
:( for Jax and Coke, I don't know what to say. I just hope you both find what you're looking for.
 
Thanks Lurker.

He really is my other/better half and I hope that when enough time passes we can be there for each other ... I don't know how INFJs deal with breakups. ESTPs tend to grieve a bit then move on, and we are always open to staying in contact with the ex. I usually need some time away, just to clear my head and heal my heart, then I am ready for whatever. I hope some of me has rubbed off on him.

I know INFJs have a desperately hard time understanding ESTP, in fact I think some members of this forum dismiss us completely as insignificant, or selfish, but we are real people and our reality is just different from yours.

This forum is one of Jax's retreats and I asked him if he would want me to stop posting, but he seems ok with me being on here. He is hurt and he has a right to be, and he needs you guys, his friends, to support him ... All I ask is that you not judge me too harshly as no one really knows the underlying circumstances. What I will say is that ESTP is less likely to try to "save" something that is failing .... we are doers, not builders ... and in some cases, such as in relationships that is truely the most detrimental aspect of our makeup.
 
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my feelings are more along the lines of, "oh, ok. whatever..." (or should i just say indifferent..?)


-----edited for privacy purposes-----
 
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I don't see you as 'types', just two people that I like and enjoy very much here. I'm sorry things aren't going the way you both hoped. ack I don't know what to say. Cyber hugs to both of you.
 
tks sumone.. we're both on skype now...

maybe another INFJ can understand this... but she can't... but i told her that its not that i'm really indifferent, but more like 'emotionally shutdown'...
 
I've been emotionally shut down like that and then later on got hit with a damn burst of repressed emotions. I hope that won't happen to you.
 
Well its obvious that we have different ways of coping ...

I would much rather we keep ALL personal communication private ...

NOTE: I don't mind talking about our private posts, just that the actual words said shloud remain private unless and actual quote is need for clarity.

thanks for editing Jax, I appreciate it.
 
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