INFJ Loneliness

[Hyacinth]

omg this is me. So relatable.

 

[AngelineIsTyping]

Ugh this is the worst, I so don’t miss those years. Here’s what I learned people don’t think like us so I no longer say how I’m feeling because it’s not safe to open up to anyone outside of this forum. I was in hindsight stupidly opened up to people since it’s my way of connecting with people and did so on regular social media as a way of trying to get healing for what was done to my child from a community that tried to get her to commit suicide and film it as she was doing so. They chewed me up and spat me out. Moral of the story is that other types could honestly care less what they do to us. Take the lessons that each of us go through on here and do the opposite as an INFJ because our hard lessons can come with the upper advantage of learning from our mistakes. I keep myself closed up now and meet people where they are at instead of where I’m at. Saves me a lot of grief in the long run. A lot of people are very much unsympathetic and will blame you for “being too soft” so protect your heart at all costs. It’s your greatest feature and deserves your safeguard. All love comes with risks but only open up as far as they do so that you won’t need therapy later cause lord I’ve had to spend a lot of money to get to where I’m at today but it was an investment in myself so that I could overcome all of my challenges in life.

Every time someone says to me that high school was “the best years” of their life, I want to fall off my chair laughing because high school was definitely not sunshines and rainbows, at least not for me. It’s kinda sad we have to meet them at their level and not ours. I think we should just let our waves keep roaring and drown them out because they’re not worth our time and attention. Like, make small talk every now and then but make sure that our thoughts operate at a different wavelength so that we can craft battle plans and creative exit strategies while they babble about the weather lol.

 

[Hyacinth]

Every time someone says to me that high school was “the best years” of their life, I want to fall off my chair laughing because high school was definitely not sunshines and rainbows, at least not for me. It’s kinda sad we have to meet them at their level and not ours. I think we should just let our waves keep roaring and drown them out because they’re not worth our time and attention. Like, make small talk every now and then but make sure that our thoughts operate at a different wavelength so that we can craft battle plans and creative exit strategies while they babble about the weather lol.

Right?!? Definitely not the best years. I mean you can meet them at your level but prepare for some backlash because that’s all I’ve gotten. When you meet them at their level they’re not as quick to tear you down from feeling threatened by you. In a perfect world, sure we could ask them to rise up to our level but it doesn’t happen. Each personality type has something to contribute and they excel in areas that we don’t so truth be told we all need each other but not everyone deserves the full you. Reserve that for those worthy of your time and attention. Our capabilities are rare and deserves to be carefully crafted and in the wrong hands it won’t be.

 

[QuickTwist]

I had a girl shatter my heart into a million different pieces, and it took me years to recover. The next year after she broke up with me, I developed psychosis. It was... bad.

 

[AngelineIsTyping]

I had a girl shatter my heart into a million different pieces, and it took me years to recover. The next year after she broke up with me, I developed psychosis. It was... bad.

Oof hope you’re okay now. I had a couple friends with mental illnesses and while I know that some don’t heal entirely, I still hope that you’re in a better place—I sort of have a vague idea of how terrible it can feel, especially when it comes to heartbreak. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but broken hearts take longest to heal.

I’ve recently gotten over a rejection and now I am weary of real-life boys’ intentions when they approach me. I squirm when their gazes linger on me for too long or when they name-drop me multiple times and act like we’re super close (by telling the group I texted them first while conveniently dropping the fact that THEY initiated 90% of our conversations, and by sharing how I sent them one of my novels but not how they practically begged for it), and I squirm even more when they smirk at my “smile, blush, look away” reaction, knowing that the group is watching. And don’t even get me started with “pretty” or “good figure”—a part of me is secretly flattered but another part is uncomfortable with being objectified. I’ve learned that there are boys whose egos are fed through how nervous I appear in front of them, who do the chasing but reverse it in group settings to make you look desperate.

Anyway, relationships are hard and sometimes people don’t make sense. I can’t think of any other way to describe it. Just want you to know that I’ve also been rejected, led on and manipulated by the opposite gender, so you’re not alone in this regard.

 

[QuickTwist]

Oof hope you’re okay now. I had a couple friends with mental illnesses and while I know that some don’t heal entirely, I still hope that you’re in a better place—I sort of have a vague idea of how terrible it can feel, especially when it comes to heartbreak. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but broken hearts take longest to heal.

I’ve recently gotten over a rejection and now I am weary of real-life boys’ intentions when they approach me. I squirm when their gazes linger on me for too long or when they name-drop me multiple times and act like we’re super close (by telling the group I texted them first while conveniently dropping the fact that THEY initiated 90% of our conversations, and by sharing how I sent them one of my novels but not how they practically begged for it), and I squirm even more when they smirk at my “smile, blush, look away” reaction, knowing that the group is watching. And don’t even get me started with “pretty” or “good figure”—a part of me is secretly flattered but another part is uncomfortable with being objectified. I’ve learned that there are boys whose egos are fed through how nervous I appear in front of them, who do the chasing but reverse it in group settings to make you look desperate.

Anyway, relationships are hard and sometimes people don’t make sense. I can’t think of any other way to describe it. Just want you to know that I’ve also been rejected, led on and manipulated by the opposite gender, so you’re not alone in this regard.

I can relate in a strange way, even though I am not a woman and don't have women fawning over me. I am sure it is different for you, but I have some social anxiety as well.

 

[Hyacinth]

Oof hope you’re okay now. I had a couple friends with mental illnesses and while I know that some don’t heal entirely, I still hope that you’re in a better place—I sort of have a vague idea of how terrible it can feel, especially when it comes to heartbreak. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but broken hearts take longest to heal.

I’ve recently gotten over a rejection and now I am weary of real-life boys’ intentions when they approach me. I squirm when their gazes linger on me for too long or when they name-drop me multiple times and act like we’re super close (by telling the group I texted them first while conveniently dropping the fact that THEY initiated 90% of our conversations, and by sharing how I sent them one of my novels but not how they practically begged for it), and I squirm even more when they smirk at my “smile, blush, look away” reaction, knowing that the group is watching. And don’t even get me started with “pretty” or “good figure”—a part of me is secretly flattered but another part is uncomfortable with being objectified. I’ve learned that there are boys whose egos are fed through how nervous I appear in front of them, who do the chasing but reverse it in group settings to make you look desperate.

Anyway, relationships are hard and sometimes people don’t make sense. I can’t think of any other way to describe it. Just want you to know that I’ve also been rejected, led on and manipulated by the opposite gender, so you’re not alone in this regard.

Omg you have NO idea how much I relate to this post. I have had the SAME EXACT experiences. It sucks my friend, truly sucks. And I would love nothing more than to say it gets better with age as men mature but sadly no. Some men stay stuck in the past and behave exactly like high school never evolving and always staying the same. Ask any older adult who has gone to a high school reunion and you’ll hear how these words are true. But the key is to focus on yourself versus finding your self worth in the personality types that won’t get or understand you and keep surrounding yourself with like minded individuals when days really get difficult for you. If I hadn’t in the days, months, and years leading up to today from my previous five years before now I likely would have ended up in a mental institute from all the stress bombarding me seemingly from every direction. The outside world is hard on us, anyone on this forum will tell you that.
It. Is. Hard. and without each other I think more of us would lose our minds. We are beat up mentally almost on a continuous basis by ppl who are either unwilling or unable to understand us and that shit hits hard (excuse my language) it’s just been solid hell for quite awhile for me so please excuse my passion to be heard on this post. I’m so unbelievably frustrated and annoyed with ppl sometimes. The judgmental glares, the whispers behind my back, I see it all but heaven forbid you call it out. The backlash is un-freaking-believable so as a woman you are forced to simply take it and I get so incredibly annoyed

 

[AngelineIsTyping]

I can relate in a strange way, even though I am not a woman and don't have women fawning over me. I am sure it is different for you, but I have some social anxiety as well.

Haha actually when I said “they” I meant “he” because I just experienced that kind of thing last night. I’m not used to being fawned over by guys and that was the first time any of them had been remotely straightforward. I didn’t use to consider myself attractive and desirable in high school because no boy ever did a double take at me, but I think for INFJs the older you get the more attention you receive from the outside world, whether positive or negative.

 

[QuickTwist]

Haha actually when I said “they” I meant “he” because I just experienced that kind of thing last night. I’m not used to being fawned over by guys and that was the first time any of them had been remotely straightforward. I didn’t use to consider myself attractive and desirable in high school because no boy ever did a double take at me, but I think for INFJs the older you get the more attention you receive from the outside world, whether positive or negative.

That's an interesting thought. I feel in my situation, I have become more gentle in my assertiveness, which doesn't really draw people to me, but makes me more known, if that makes sense? But, I will say, there are a few people who are drawn to me. It's just not on a wide scale as if I am some charismatic charmer or something like that.

 

[AngelineIsTyping]

Omg you have NO idea how much I relate to this post. I have had the SAME EXACT experiences. It sucks my friend, truly sucks. And I would love nothing more than to say it gets better with age as men mature but sadly no. Some men stay stuck in the past and behave exactly like high school never evolving and always staying the same. Ask any older adult who has gone to a high school reunion and you’ll hear how these words are true. But the key is to focus on yourself versus finding your self worth in the personality types that won’t get or understand you and keep surrounding yourself with like minded individuals when days really get difficult for you. If I hadn’t in the days, months, and years leading up to today from my previous five years before now I likely would have ended up in a mental institute from all the stress bombarding me seemingly from every direction. The outside world is hard on us, anyone on this forum will tell you that.
It. Is. Hard. and without each other I think more of us would lose our minds. We are beat up mentally almost on a continuous basis by ppl who are either unwilling or unable to understand us and that shit hits hard (excuse my language) it’s just been solid hell for quite awhile for me so please excuse my passion to be heard on this post. I’m so unbelievably frustrated and annoyed with ppl sometimes. The judgmental glares, the whispers behind my back, I see it all but heaven forbid you call it out. The backlash is un-freaking-believable so as a woman you are forced to simply take it and I get so incredibly annoyed

You know what sucked most? During the social event I was in, that guy (who I had previously met two weeks ago and at that time he asked for my number and mostly fumbled around me saying things like “I’ve come here many times but this is the first time I met someone like you” and offering to give me a ride home—at that time I hadn’t thought much of it but a week later Nikki and Steve, two friends from the social event, hinted to me that he had feelings for me) not only name-dropped me in front of my friends but also had the audacity to mention that I texted him a week ago asking if he was coming to the event (and FYI, my texts were cordial and nearly all our conversations were started by him).

I sort of had the feeling beforehand that something unusual would occur so yesterday night I decided to try something new. I wore a strapped dress that hugged my waist just right and revealed my collarbone and legs—not my usual style, which is casual/elegant—to bait him. I wanted to test if he was shallow or sincere. And it worked. I don’t know if I should be flattered or disgusted. Anyway… I showed up, and within three seconds he started calling me “pretty”. Then he asked the friend next to me if she’d read my novel.

My friend: (tapping her chin) A few?
The guy (I’ll call him H for convenience): She sent me her novel last time… what was it, a teenage romance?
Me: (cringing) It was a shorter novel… most of my other ones are manuscripts… and that was written three years ago so it’s totally different from what I write now. (Glances at my friend nervously)
H: (smirks) It was good… I asked DeepSeek to help summarize it because I’m not a really patient reader. See? (Slides over his phone for me and my friend)
Me: (face drops for a millisecond) Yeah. Sure.

Then when more people arrived: (I’ll be using pseudonyms in my retelling just in case any of these people stumble across this website)
Cate: Ooh, nice dress you’re wearing!
Steve: (leaning back in his chair) You wore overalls last week, right?
Nikki: (head snaps up) How come you remember what she wore? (Winks suggestively)
Steve: (looks away) I’m just… observant.
H: (silent, jaw clenched)

After a while…
H: Last week Angeline texted me asking if I was coming. I told her I was too busy.
Me: (freezes)
Thinks: “Why is he doing this?”

Later:
Someone brings up dancing.
Me: (tentatively) I did ballet in primary school.
H: (eyes rake over my body) No wonder you have such a good figure.
Me: (smile stiffly and look away, blushing and short-circuiting)
The table goes still. My friends laugh nervously. My face burns and my lungs forget how to breathe. I glance around, gauging their reactions.
H notices me and smirks.
Someone (Steve? Cate? Idk) changes the subject and I let out a breath of relief. But H’s eyes never leave mine.

Even later, I left with a friend of mine (since she suggested it was late and I told the table I would be accompanying her). I said goodbye to the others and H’s eyes lingered on me the whole time. Me or my body, I honestly couldn’t tell. And no, I don’t believe he had ill intentions. I think he was pushing my buttons on purpose because he wanted to test if I was the type to get easily flustered—and I was. He was more attracted to me physically than mentally (proof being how he was only intrigued by the summarized version of my mind). He was marking his territory because he smelled competition—which was unnecessary because I don’t think Steve had strong feelings for me. And since we were in a group setting, he tried to reverse the chasing to feed his masculine ego. And when he noticed my discomfort, the way I squirmed under his gaze and dodged the subject every time he flirted, he didn’t back off. He was smirking like he knew he was winning, and he was turned on by the idea of the “shy, enigmatic writer” that I displayed. But nope. Because those who “know”, know the truth. And those who don’t are oblivious. I don’t even know which audience he was performing for, because that was all that it was: a performance.

Entertaining.

Let’s just say I’m well prepared for college life.

 

[Hyacinth]

You know what sucked most? During the social event I was in, that guy (who I had previously met two weeks ago and at that time he asked for my number and mostly fumbled around me saying things like “I’ve come here many times but this is the first time I met someone like you” and offering to give me a ride home—at that time I hadn’t thought much of it but a week later Nikki and Steve, two friends from the social event, hinted to me that he had feelings for me) not only name-dropped me in front of my friends but also had the audacity to mention that I texted him a week ago asking if he was coming to the event (and FYI, my texts were cordial and nearly all our conversations were started by him).

I sort of had the feeling beforehand that something unusual would occur so yesterday night I decided to try something new. I wore a strapped dress that hugged my waist just right and revealed my collarbone and legs—not my usual style, which is casual/elegant—to bait him. I wanted to test if he was shallow or sincere. And it worked. I don’t know if I should be flattered or disgusted. Anyway… I showed up, and within three seconds he started calling me “pretty”. Then he asked the friend next to me if she’d read my novel.

My friend: (tapping her chin) A few?
The guy (I’ll call him H for convenience): She sent me her novel last time… what was it, a teenage romance?
Me: (cringing) It was a shorter novel… most of my other ones are manuscripts… and that was written three years ago so it’s totally different from what I write now. (Glances at my friend nervously)
H: (smirks) It was good… I asked DeepSeek to help summarize it because I’m not a really patient reader. See? (Slides over his phone for me and my friend)
Me: (face drops for a millisecond) Yeah. Sure.

Then when more people arrived: (I’ll be using pseudonyms in my retelling just in case any of these people stumble across this website)
Cate: Ooh, nice dress you’re wearing!
Steve: (leaning back in his chair) You wore overalls last week, right?
Nikki: (head snaps up) How come you remember what she wore? (Winks suggestively)
Steve: (looks away) I’m just… observant.
H: (silent, jaw clenched)

After a while…
H: Last week Angeline texted me asking if I was coming. I told her I was too busy.
Me: (freezes)
Thinks: “Why is he doing this?”

Later:
Someone brings up dancing.
Me: (tentatively) I did ballet in primary school.
H: (eyes rake over my body) No wonder you have such a good figure.
Me: (smile stiffly and look away, blushing and short-circuiting)
The table goes still. My friends laugh nervously. My face burns and my lungs forget how to breathe. I glance around, gauging their reactions.
H notices me and smirks.
Someone (Steve? Cate? Idk) changes the subject and I let out a breath of relief. But H’s eyes never leave mine.

Even later, I left with a friend of mine (since she suggested it was late and I told the table I would be accompanying her). I said goodbye to the others and H’s eyes lingered on me the whole time. Me or my body, I honestly couldn’t tell. And no, I don’t believe he had ill intentions. I think he was pushing my buttons on purpose because he wanted to test if I was the type to get easily flustered—and I was. He was more attracted to me physically than mentally (proof being how he was only intrigued by the summarized version of my mind). He was marking his territory because he smelled competition—which was unnecessary because I don’t think Steve had strong feelings for me. And since we were in a group setting, he tried to reverse the chasing to feed his masculine ego. And when he noticed my discomfort, the way I squirmed under his gaze and dodged the subject every time he flirted, he didn’t back off. He was smirking like he knew he was winning, and he was turned on by the idea of the “shy, enigmatic writer” that I displayed. But nope. Because those who “know”, know the truth. And those who don’t are oblivious. I don’t even know which audience he was performing for, because that was all that it was: a performance.

Entertaining.

Let’s just say I’m well prepared for college life.

I agree. Although I found college a lot easier than high school tbh. A lot more intellectual equals and less drama and mind games. I was invited to all sorts of college parties but I was a drab because I focused on my studies instead of partying A lot of good it did me though, my degree is totally useless to me now but I did enjoy college even if I went there getting a degree that hasn’t served me very well in life. Such is life. You live, you learn, you move on.