INFJ Male + INFJ Female dating

I have a friendship with an INFJ male long distance and we both quickly dove into sharing a lot of information with one another and it turned into both of us being quite smitten with one another. Almost like the perfect friendship. I can definitely understand how INFJs would have an explosive connection and emotional attachment to one another. I do agree with what an earlier poster said, in that I have a harder time reading this person. They are so much like me that maybe instead of processing their patterns, I'm heightened to my own because it's a brand new and surreal encounter.

Has anyone connected or started anything platonic or romantic with another forum user here? How has that been?
 
selcouth said:
I have a friendship with an INFJ male long distance and we both quickly dove into sharing a lot of information with one another and it turned into both of us being quite smitten with one another. Almost like the perfect friendship. I can definitely understand how INFJs would have an explosive connection and emotional attachment to one another. I do agree with what an earlier poster said, in that I have a harder time reading this person. They are so much like me that maybe instead of processing their patterns, I'm heightened to my own because it's a brand new and surreal encounter.

Has anyone connected or started anything platonic or romantic with another forum user here? How has that been?
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I don't know if it is great but there's something ironic about f'ing ones self. All the love, appreciation, self acceptance, and potential physical attraction all rolled up into one neat little bundle of self glorification. I can't say its not appealing, or evening validating, but it does seem a bit narcissistic.

"Vanity, it always was my favorite sin!"
 
Scientia said:
Sorry, I am a bit cynical these days. Haha.
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selcouth said:
I have a friendship with an INFJ male long distance and we both quickly dove into sharing a lot of information with one another and it turned into both of us being quite smitten with one another. Almost like the perfect friendship. I can definitely understand how INFJs would have an explosive connection and emotional attachment to one another. I do agree with what an earlier poster said, in that I have a harder time reading this person. They are so much like me that maybe instead of processing their patterns, I'm heightened to my own because it's a brand new and surreal encounter.

Has anyone connected or started anything platonic or romantic with another forum user here? How has that been?
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I've met some INFJs here. It's been helpful. I feel like I can just be myself and they get me. It's like we speak a similar language. It is strange though. I'm not used to people accepting me so it can be an adjustment. But in a good way. Good luck.
 
@FreeSp1r1t do you think an INFJ with INFJ relationship is a bit narcissistic? Just curious about your reasoning, I don't see how it can be the same as fuc**ng yourself, just because there might be an easier connection in some ways. (possibly not in others though).
 
LittleLissa said:
@FreeSp1r1t do you think an INFJ with INFJ relationship is a bit narcissistic? Just curious about your reasoning, I don't see how it can be the same as fuc**ng yourself, just because there might be an easier connection in some ways. (possibly not in others though).
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That was an over simplification. I'm not saying it literally! Just saying that if you are an INFJ and you come home and are getting INFJ (at the end of the day) then you will be getting a extra helping of yourself (systemically, not personally). I'm sure their are plenty of INFJ-INFJ relationships that do just fine (per capita) it's just always seemed like it would be difficult to me.

And no, I've never been in that type of relationship but I have two daughters that are very similar and I know the depth of that kind of relationship (in a non romantic way).
 
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FreeSp1r1t said:
Just saying that if you are an INFJ and you come home and are getting INFJ (at the end of the day) then you will be getting a extra helping of yourself (systemically, not personally).
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Ha ha yes that's a thought...
 
People are seeking deep connection and to be understood. It is natural for an INFJ's interest to be piqued by another INFJ for these reasons. The truth is, despite types (whether we are talking MBTI, Keirsey, Socionics, etc,) we're all individuals, and according to philosophers such as Lacan, we all feel misunderstood at our cores. INFJs are rare, but that doesn't mean we are the only beings with such profound feelings. Finding someone who wants to understand you, and is willing to listen, is more important. Finding someone who wants to adapt, cooperate, compromise, be honest, open, and commit is more important. If an INFJ finds another INFJ like this, great! Many other types are just as capable of being good partners for us. Unfortunately an INFJ in the wrong headspace can be a shit partner for another INFJs (or anyone else), too.
 
I haven't dated an INFJ but I can say that the feeling of immediate recognition and friendship you can feel between INFJ + INFJ can be very strong. I made friends with an INFJ and felt that they were a great friend, a brother and a soul mate all rolled into one. I had never experienced anything quite like this anywhere else in my life.

Because the feelings are so strong and unaccustomed it can be easy to get carried away. Thankfully my friend, to their credit, maintained friendship with me, although I took things a bit overboard. :blush:Their good humour and kindness towards me was maintained ...whilst keeping their integrity and honesty about just being friends. Because of this I would say INFJ + INFJ have such an instant connection it doesn't hurt to try and keep things balanced and not go overboard too fast. It helps to have a sort of counterbalance to the instant recognition that can happen with INFJ + INFJ.
 
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I do not know yet for sure if I am an INFJ female, but I do seem to attract a lot of male INFJs to me for some reason. What is it about me that attracts them? I don't get it.
 
t56hg2bv said:
I believe there is a injury from childhood in most INFJs. It generally comes from parents that make them feel like their feelings don't matter. It's not always intentional as parents have their own issues and traumas from childhood and most do the best they can (there are exceptions). With that said, two similar injuries can be hard to work through in a relationship.

Socionics defines INFJ - INFJ relationships as "Identical.":

- "These are relations of complete understanding between partners but with an inability to help each other. Identical partners see the world with identical eyes, identically work out received information, come to identical conclusions and have identical problems."
- "Interaction with an Identical partner may quickly become boring."
- "If the two are introverts, one often subconsciously attempts to take care of the extroverted side"
- Good for self development - similar to watching a video of ones self.

Bottom line, it's hard to grow as a person when you're in an identical relationship.

Here's a link if you want to read the entire description on identical relations:

http://www.socionics.com/rel/idn.htm

Personally, I believe the depth of two INFJs could be highly insightful but also overwhelming and depressing. As a friend it would be great to get together occasionally so they could help each other recognize their feelings; however, as a partner I think it would stagnate and lack good challenge or growth.

Of course, I'm with an ESTJ, which is considered my dual (searched for one specifically when dating), and is identified as the most optimal. All of our external functions line up with corresponding internal functions of the other partner. Growth is optimal and we both get what we need. Yes their are still argument; there is a trade off for getting to experience all of that sensory stuff (lower intuition). SO, if I want to be understood at a deep level I can go to INFJs.com. :)
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t56hg2bv said:
I believe there is a injury from childhood in most INFJs. It generally comes from parents that make them feel like their feelings don't matter. It's not always intentional as parents have their own issues and traumas from childhood and most do the best they can (there are exceptions). With that said, two similar injuries can be hard to work through in a relationship.

Socionics defines INFJ - INFJ relationships as "Identical.":

- "These are relations of complete understanding between partners but with an inability to help each other. Identical partners see the world with identical eyes, identically work out received information, come to identical conclusions and have identical problems."
- "Interaction with an Identical partner may quickly become boring."
- "If the two are introverts, one often subconsciously attempts to take care of the extroverted side"
- Good for self development - similar to watching a video of ones self.

Bottom line, it's hard to grow as a person when you're in an identical relationship.

Here's a link if you want to read the entire description on identical relations:

http://www.socionics.com/rel/idn.htm

Personally, I believe the depth of two INFJs could be highly insightful but also overwhelming and depressing. As a friend it would be great to get together occasionally so they could help each other recognize their feelings; however, as a partner I think it would stagnate and lack good challenge or growth.

Of course, I'm with an ESTJ, which is considered my dual (searched for one specifically when dating), and is identified as the most optimal. All of our external functions line up with corresponding internal functions of the other partner. Growth is optimal and we both get what we need. Yes their are still argument; there is a trade off for getting to experience all of that sensory stuff (lower intuition). SO, if I want to be understood at a deep level I can go to INFJs.com. :)
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I was in a romantic relationship with my best friend for 6 years. It was beautiful and full of love and connection that was unlike any other. We had this understanding (unknown to us that we are infj at the time) like knowing yourself. It was difficult to end the romance but we are still very close. When we get together we bounce ideas off each other. Sometimes it's like reflecting in a mirror but when we talk we break that loop of thought because we are honest more than we are with ourselves. Its a beautiful relationship.
 
Scientia said:
@infjguy This is a problem I have noticed with INFJ guys. If they are immature, they can be incredibly hurtful. I know that I would not want to deal with this kind of thing in a relationship. I am surprised that you were able to apologize to her, especially on text. Maybe she was actually INFP?
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You just have to find one that's a man and not a boy. Don't write us all off
 
infjguy said:
I dated very briefly an INFJ woman. Problem was that I wasn't attracted to her enough :( Shallow I know but it's true. It was kinda awkward when we were together in person but over text it was like...wonderful. We'd write long texts and it would go on for hours. Some times it got pretty emotional actually because there was this intense harmony and understanding and we'd just dive deep into personal topics which was just beautiful. In person it felt awkward though. Like we both knew we had a lot going on inside. Had I been more attracted to her I think I'd have been able to push past awkwardness. Maybe I was awkward because I wanted to like her more than I did...but didn't. Hmm anyway I kinda ghosted on her and felt terrible about it. I really wanted her as a friend but didn't know how to say that. Stupid.
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Really hate to admit this cause I pride myself on not being shallow but it's true. I think I have to have someone in my life that can immediately stir that chemical reaction in me and get me out of my own head at times. INFJS like beautiful things. And the most beautiful thing created is a woman. And naturally we want the best. However a person's personality can make them seem prettier than they are but more often than not I meet girls who are gorgeous until I hear them talk. I've met some very beautiful women who to me are very unattractive.
 
I can see how INFJ+INFJ has the potential for great understanding and deep connection, but it can also be a recipe for disaster. Two people who have similar weaknesses and insecurities might understand each other well, but they can also end up making those aspects worse, or get stuck in mutual suspicions without finding a way out. Based on this I'm guessing that a young identical pair might end up in a volatile relationship, but once people have an understanding of the issues they have, it could be truly wonderful. I don't mean the issues need to have been solved, but at least the two need to understand what they are to be able to help each other.
 
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