INFJs and feelings of being alone, different, disconnected or lost

With the election, environment, economy and other overarching strains I really feel the pull to stay away from people. I've never been this extremely anti-social before. It is as if the more I get out there the harder I feel and it hurts more than before. That, I believe, along with any internal and daily stressors combines to make quite a stressful soup of emotions. Stop the world, cliche, I wanna get off kind of sums it up, but yes, I'll say it with a smile too.
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Yep.

Black Swan said:
I completely relate to this. I can't remember the last time I just clicked with someone and there was a smooth, vibrant exchange of energy. So, even my closest friends only see a few facets of my personality. I think it's almost more difficult than being truly alone, just acknowledging that there isn't someone that completely knows you and accepts you exactly that way
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Exactly. I feel the same way. Several people know facets of me but I feel like not enough to truly know me - where I can truly be who I am in all my splendor and complexity. It hasn't been often that I've felt that natural at-ease flow of conversation and being-with when I meeting people, so that is probably why most of my relationships (few as they are) are only partially satisfying. I long for relationships (platonic and romantic) in which I will feel that I am being me - all of me. But it seems to take a certain reciprocity in the other person for me to feel comfortable to be who I am. It's so strange - it's not as if I intentionally hide myself from others, it's much more subconscious - I simply respond based on who I feel they are, but without thinking about it. Sometimes I've felt frustrated in feeling that I can't effectively explain this to some of the more extraverted types of people or different personalities, who seem to enjoy random social interaction - or don't seem to desire the emotional depth that I do. I guess what it comes to is that while I like many people, I usually only truly enjoy spending time with very few. I hope it makes sense to you guys here.
 
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Soulful said:
Yep.



Exactly. I feel the same way. Several people know facets of me but I still don't feel that natural at-ease flow of conversation and being-with. Sometimes I've felt frustrated in feeling that I can't effectively explain this to some of the more extraverted types of people or different personalities, who seem to enjoy random social interaction - or don't seem to desire the emotional depth that I do. While I like many people, I usually only truly enjoy spending time with very few.
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Me too. I've tried to explain this to others. They actually call me secretive around my town. I'm just quiet. They don't expect it becuase I'll be perfectly friendly and nice to anyone I bump into, but I hate making people feel awkward. I've always gone out of my way to make them feel comfortable, although I'd much rather hide behind my books and computer.

I don't think my family (except my husband and kids) get any of this side of me at all. Somewhat sad, really. When I tell them I'm naturally introverted they just kind of look at me, like, huh? My husband was the first to see that side to me. I could finally breath knowing it was okay, although lately I have to wonder. I'm really getting more and more entrenched in my seclusive ways.
 
Soulful said:
Yep.



Exactly. I feel the same way. Several people know facets of me but I feel like not enough to truly know me - where I can truly be who I am in all my splendor and complexity. It hasn't been often that I've felt that natural at-ease flow of conversation and being-with when I meeting people, so that is probably why most of my relationships (few as they are) are only partially satisfying. I long for relationships (platonic and romantic) in which I will feel that I am being me - all of me. But it seems to take a certain reciprocity in the other person for me to feel comfortable to be who I am. It's so strange - it's not as if I intentionally hide myself from others, it's much more subconscious - I simply respond based on who I feel they are, but without thinking about it. Sometimes I've felt frustrated in feeling that I can't effectively explain this to some of the more extraverted types of people or different personalities, who seem to enjoy random social interaction - or don't seem to desire the emotional depth that I do. I guess what it comes to is that while I like many people, I usually only truly enjoy spending time with very few. I hope it makes sense to you guys here.
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Ditto, ditto, and ditto!

I understand all of this very well. I always morph my personality (within it's own limitation of course) depending on who I am around so I can interact properly, and not feel out of place. However, it is draining after a long time. There are olny two people (mabye 4), who I can be myself completly around. My mom, who is an INFJ as well. And my best friend Jeanne who is an ISTP. Those two just "get" me, and I dont need to put up fronts or morph anything. Everyone else I find draining over time because I can't be myself completly.

Of course because of my I letter, I'm naturally introverted, and like to shut put people to recharge. My mom always teases me and calls me a vampire or mushroom because I always have all the windows closed to block out daylight. I find lots of light draining. I see it as a parallel to people seeing inside of you without your permission.
 
Wow, reading all these posts has really opened my eyes.
"and I hate nonsense chatter"

"People gravitate to me so that they can share the problems of their relationships with me and I will show them their options and help them see how each of those decisions will play out." (its not like we asked them to come and talk)

How old are you Holysmoke? Does this happen when an INFJ gets older? "I'm really getting more and more entrenched in my seclusive ways."

Also in the OP he mentions Martial Arts, this would be something really interesting, Also the amish dude with the sign read up on December 12 2012.
 
I...feel something of the sort. I don't know if I would call it lost-ness; it's more of like a lack of sense of self for me. I know what I feel, what I want, how I see the world....and yet I don't. For everything I come to understand in myself, I lose that understanding, then regain it, but every single time it seems to be somewhat detached, somewhat surreal; less tangible than what others say they think or feel, in a way.
I think some of my S friends help draw me out of myself so I don't notice it as often. But when I'm in myself (that's the only way I know how to describe it; there's a distinct difference from when I'm viewing the outside world, when I'm caught inside my own mind, and when I'm in my mind but registering the outside world, kind of in the way of looking through glass like oceanic99 said) it's as if nothing's quite as solid as it should be. It's fine when I'm only lost in myself for brief periods, but if I am in myself for extended periods or too frequently, I begin to lose what I have navigated and what I have not, or what I am aware of, am fleetingly aware of, or was never aware of at all.
It's the strangest thing, that; there are times when the "real" world seems something less than real. There were times when I'd have to really think to grasp what goes on in the "real" world because the place in my head seems so much more solid, but less tangible and more dynamic, if that makes sense. There are times when I notice that I don't really remember the real world, or it's very dim, even if it was recent; I know it's not my memory specifically, but rather there was nothing for my mind to register, since I never really noticed anything in the first place.

How do you really describe it? I've become used to it myself, but once I start to think about what it is again, I'm mystified. I understand myself better than most; I am more confused about myself than most. But how do you explain that to someone who doesn't know? I've tried to get friends to read about INFJs to kind of have a glimpse at this dilemma, but I don't think they really get it; I don't think I seem that complicated on the outside.

I don't know. Lost-ness is probably the only way to really describe it.
 
Yeah I feel this too, like I always picture a lonely child sitting in a bedroom looking outside at all the other children that are playing and laughing and having a good time.
 
A Sense of Belonging

I'm not sure if anyone has ever asked this before (I'm new here). But anyway, I was curious to know if any fellow INFJs feel the same way as I do about this topic. Right now, and basically my whole life, I've never felt that sense of belonging. I don't know if it's because I'm still young or what, but I've never felt I truly belonged anywhere. Not with my family, friends, school. Of course I socialize and interact with people and hang out with friends, but I've never felt like I belonged with those people, my friends. I constantly feel out of place. Has anyone else ever felt this way?
 
Yes, very much so.
Welcome to the forum. You may feel that sense of belonging here, I do.
 
Lots of people feel this way.

You belong here. Welcome.
 
Yes, I do feel that way too... I feel like I just haven't found my place, environment, career, family, friends - of belonging. It is something that I am striving towards and something that I have felt missing for a large part of my life. The one place I ever felt comfortable was school - I'm not sure if I really felt that I belonged, but at least I felt comfortable, I had some sort of a niche and formed a large part of my identity based on that.
 
Me too. It's actually very rare for me to feel a sense of belonging, but I make an effort not to assume I don't belong, or am not welcome (which I think is a big trap we lay for ourselves).

As an example, I have discovered in the years since my mother died that my extended family (great aunts, cousins, etc.) absolutely consider me an important member of the family, they feel I belong, and they miss me a great deal when I'm not there. I had spent decades assuming I didn't fit in, didn't belong, wouldn't be missed. I was very wrong.
 
ZenCat said:
Me too. It's actually very rare for me to feel a sense of belonging, but I make an effort not to assume I don't belong, or am not welcome (which I think is a big trap we lay for ourselves).

As an example, I have discovered in the years since my mother died that my extended family (great aunts, cousins, etc.) absolutely consider me an important member of the family, they feel I belong, and they miss me a great deal when I'm not there. I had spent decades assuming I didn't fit in, didn't belong, wouldn't be missed. I was very wrong.
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Paradigm shift. How wonderful. Scary to think how much misperception we all have about our places in the world. :( Make me a bit sad, but ever optimistic.
 
Yes I get this very often. I usually try very hard to have people make me feel like I belong, or I will try very hard to force myself in. I just have a great desire to be friendly and close with everyone. Of course, the feeling of belonging is exceedingly rare. The olny person I always feel like I belong with is my mom. And that is simply because we are so very close.
 
Yes I too feel like i do not Belong alot of the time. The only place I feel belonged is my immediate family's places. My brother's and my mom's house.
 
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