[INFJ] INFJs are freaking attractive

Thanks, I hate it.
Nice backdrop and web personality/presence though.
 
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Hmmmmm..... I've heard/read this before. So far, all of the INFJs I've known were attractive. The ladies, anyway.

But once we sit down and start having a "heart-to-heart", they seem to open up to me. I think they might sense that I don't like mystery.

In people, anyway. Come to think of it, I don't like any kinds of mysteries. Even in my universe. I'm driven to resolve all questions about the universe: why it's here, what I'm doing in it, what's it made of, what makes it tick, how far out does space go, what are atoms made of, and so on. I really don't like mysteries at all, and I wish someone would explain all of this to me, but no one has, so I had to make up my own explanations.

There is such a thing as "making yourself attractive". I see T-type ladies who would be stunningly gorgeous, if only they did their hair, put on some makeup and a nice dress. But some of them look like they just left work from the auto shop, hair a mess and wearing mens' clothing, raggy and baggy. I have a hard time seeing woman that way and thinking to myself, 'gosh, she'd really look great in my bed..." In fact, sometimes when women like that approach me, I feel like running away. But just to be polite, I usually don't.

My ex-wife, for example, was anything but mechanically inclined, but she never left the house in the morning without looking positively gorgeous. I don't think she even left the bedroom. Sometimes in the morning, I would see her in the kitchen and drag her back into the bedroom, even though she might be complaining about being late for work. I would be late for work too. But it was worth it.
 
My thought process depends on what I’m doing. At work no I don’t look gorgeous. I dress for comfort and my mood. I don’t go into spaces worrying or obsessing about my looks or what other people think about me. I like deep diving into topics I care about. I don’t like superficial conversations or superficial ways of looking at people or the world.
I think that type of way of thinking detracts what is important in life…. connections, philosophy, being authentic, and my own personal goals. Some days I care about what I look like, most days I don’t.
 
The fantasy ......

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Mareux - The Perfect Girl

Cults - Gilded Lily
 

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John K said:
@Hyacinth you justify the OP I think ❤️
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Thank you. I’m still working on accepting compliments. I think most of our “mystery” comes from the fact that we are so complex. Most of us INFJs only allow what we show people. Recently I opened up and all it taught me was how quickly I needed to shut back down and why it’s a mistake opening up. Truth is I relate by deep dives and in depth conversations yet all around me is talk about what I don’t care about…. the weather, football, and what people do as what defines who a person is. Their identity was solely linked to what jobs they do not who they are as a person.
I tried to show myself for the first time ever and I found who I was scared everyone away except for those not really good for me to be around and then I closed right back up again because lesson learned. Anyways our mystery is because we fit in everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. For Thinker types we feel too much, for feeler types we think too much.. are too logical, analytical, methodical in our approach and this leaves other types who are very much into placing ppl into boxes having no idea what to do with us. My sister recently revealed before I cut her out completely that she never actually ever knew me in life and I feel like a stranger and I pointed out that is because I was taught to protect myself by never opening up. Everyone taught me that as a way to keep myself feeling safe because early on I was programmed to equate feelings with being exploited and used, that’s not on me. I don’t open up to her because she has taught me it’s unsafe to do so. Her need for real sisterhood connection is overridden by her desire to compete with me. I’m not a competitive person so my secret was to hole up, go at life alone and ignore her each time she came to me looking for a fight for her insecurity issues. I only open up to people I actually trust not those looking to exploit my good heart.
 
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Hyacinth said:
Thank you. I’m still working on accepting compliments. I think most of our “mystery” comes from the fact that we are so complex. Most of us INFJs only allow what we show people. Recently I opened up and all it taught me was how quickly I needed to shut back down and why it’s a mistake opening up. Truth is I relate by deep dives and in depth conversations yet all around me is talk about what I don’t care about…. the weather, football, and what people do as what defines who a person is. Their identity was solely linked to what jobs they do not who they are as a person.
I did what I normally did which was to show myself for the first time ever and I found who I was scared everyone away except for those not really good for me to be around and then I closed right back up again because lesson learned. Anyways our mystery is because we fit in everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. For Thinker types we feel too much, for feeler types we think too much.. are too logical, analytical, methodical in our approach and this leaves other types who are very much into placing ppl into boxes having no idea what to do with us. My sister recently revealed before I cut her out completely that she never actually ever knew me in life and I feel like a stranger and I pointed out that is because I was taught to protect myself by never opening up. Everyone taught me that as a way to keep myself feeling safe because early on I was programmed to equate feelings with being exploited and used, that’s not on me. I don’t open up to her because she has taught me it’s unsafe to do so. Her need for real sisterhood connection is overridden by her desire to compete with me. I’m not a competitive person so my secret was to hole up, go at life alone and ignore her each time she came to me looking for a fight for her insecurity issues. I only open up to people I actually trust not those looking to exploit my good heart.
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I think it must be a characteristic of many INFJs that they have a part of themselves that's impossible to share safely. It's important to have a secret garden deep within us that is totally private, or open only to very, very few - a garden where we can be fully ourselves. Even on a more superficial level, I think it's common for us to be involved with several different communities, all with different 'world views', where we blend in, sort-of, but each one not really being compatible with the others, so we fence them off from each other.

I was once described by someone in the forum as liminal - I think this is the situation of many INFJ folks.
 
Once you open up to anyone, they will inevitably find you less interesting/entertaining because most people are just interested in the mystery itself and not you as an actual person.
Finding those people that appreciate your whole being is the real trick.
As well as accepting that your own uniqueness isn't particularly special, besides the fact that it is you, truly, and that is plenty enough.

Also what @John K said, very important.
 
John K said:
I think it must be a characteristic of many INFJs that they have a part of themselves that's impossible to share safely. It's important to have a secret garden deep within us that is totally private, or open only to very, very few - a garden where we can be fully ourselves. Even on a more superficial level, I think it's common for us to be involved with several different communities, all with different 'world views', where we blend in, sort-of, but each one not really being compatible with the others, so we fence them off from each other.

I was once described by someone in the forum as liminal - I think this is the situation of many INFJ folks.
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I can appreciate that. I too have been described as liminal as well which has caused some issues with those trying to force me to “pick a side”. I would say I can’t do that as I can logically see all sides to an issue so asking me to pick one side or another goes against everything that makes me, me. If you are looking for someone to look at you as being 100% correct I can’t provide you with what you need, I can only approach you saying I understand your point of view and it’s very much true. I’m not being fake, I’m not sitting on the fence unable to choose a direction to take, it is because I really do see every person’s take on a position so therefore I understand everyone at a depth that they may not even understand themselves not merely by looking at the topic itself but as that person as a whole and what makes them, them and why they think the way they do, and not only that but why they are so passionate in their stance. I am a nonpartial person in a very complicated world.
 
Hyacinth said:
I can appreciate that. I too have been described as liminal as well which has caused some issues with those trying to force me to “pick a side”. I would say I can’t do that as I can logically see all sides to an issue so asking me to pick one side or another goes against everything that makes me, me. If you are looking for someone to look at you as being 100% correct I can’t provide you with what you need, I can only approach you saying I understand your point of view and it’s very much true. I’m not being fake, I’m not sitting on the fence unable to choose a direction to take, it is because I really do see every person’s take on a position so therefore I understand everyone at a depth that they may not even understand themselves not merely by looking at the topic itself but as that person as a whole and what makes them, them and why they think the way they do, and not only that but why they are so passionate in their stance. I am a nonpartial person in a very complicated world.
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One of the problems, particularly in people-facing work roles, is that because you are on the edges of different spheres, people think they can use you as a conduit for their disputes because you are engaged with each side. That's fine if it's something that's part of your role and you want to do it, but otherwise it stinks - they can jolly well out their own disputes .......
 
John K said:
One of the problems, particularly in people-facing work roles, is that because you are on the edges of different spheres, people think they can use you as a conduit for their disputes because you are engaged with each side. That's fine if it's something that's part of your role and you want to do it, but otherwise it stinks - they can jolly well out their own disputes .......
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Well what always helped me was I was able to quote the business’s rules in most forward facing customer driven roles where policies specifically stated no religion or political discussions were allowed then I stuck to the same policy repeating over and over again until they eventually got the message and left my teller window. Got me out of about 80% of my awkward encounters.
 
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