INTJ and INFJ friends or foes?

Reon said:
Ehrm. Okay. I'm not trying to be rude but it seems like you're seeking them out rather than having a bigger number of sociopaths and narcissists (unless you're applying this term at your discretion and whims). Existing with them is fine but being friends with someone who will undoubtedly hurt seems intellectually and emotionally stupid/irrational. I've met individuals like me, it was coo. I met people who were unlike me, it was coo too. I don't think it's impossible to change how people perceive your personality or what your personality is but I think it's best to be authentic and real to yourself. And your inquisitiveness and your curiosity will get you hurt; it also gives off the vibe that you don't really care about your faux friend either, you just seem him as a problem, something to be solved. Idunno. Something just seems odd.
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I don't think I seek them out on a personal one to one basis. I just attend functions where the majority have personality disorders. I think the fact that I appear shy and naive attracts them. It's like predator/prey. Plus I'm a woman and the number of men outweighs the women so there is that issue. I would NEVER have a romantic relationship with any of them. I am not attracted to the type. You are right in my friend being a faux friend. I don't have any respect for him and by his behaviors and actions it is obvious he has none for me. I just tolerate him the best I can. He just cites being an INTJ as a rationale for his behaviors...but he is batshit crazy at times and I think it's indicative of a personality disorder and not type. I google INTJ and the word sociopath and a site said 60 percent of INTJ were sociopaths. It's like the polar opposite of an INFJ almost like a natural enemy but intriging all the same or maybe lower and non threating....it's like I don't value him because he doesn't value anyone but himself.
 
INFJs and INTJs can be great compliments to one another. However, they both have to get over the Te/Fi vs. Fe/Ti issue or else the relationship is doomed to eventually fail. Ironic too because this difference is the greatest strength of the pair, as it allows both types to cover each others' blind spots. Under developed people will not be able to accept the affront to their ego, and therefore miss out on the insights the other has to offer.

I have a few friends who are INTJs that I adore. I didn't like them at first, but now I truly admire them.

That said, I've also known some INTJs that I've instantly clashed with, and have some INTJ friends that I go back and forth between clashing with and being good friends.
 
^ Agreed.

But I must say, I wouldn't put any energy into getting past that hurdle with the guy she's talking about.
 
Lisabeth said:
I don't think I seek them out on a personal one to one basis. I just attend functions where the majority have personality disorders
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That just seems odd to me. Most events don't majorly attract people with personality disorders but, alas, I don't know your situation so I'm not going to comment further.

Lisbeth said:
. I think the fact that I appear shy and naive attracts them. It's like predator/prey. Plus I'm a woman and the number of men outweighs the women so there is that issue. I would NEVER have a romantic relationship with any of them. I am not attracted to the type.
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This event sounds particularly distasteful. I wonder why you participate. Also, I didn't mean to bring up the issue of romantic intentions if I did. Apparently it seems to be a big issue though. People like people who like them, sometimes it is best to not even put yourself into the situation because you risk deluding yourself.

Lisabeth said:
You are right in my friend being a faux friend. I don't have any respect for him and by his behaviors and actions it is obvious he has none for me. I just tolerate him the best I can. He just cites being an INTJ as a rationale for his behaviors...but he is batshit crazy at times and I think it's indicative of a personality disorder and not type.
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Ah. I see. If he's batshit crazy to everyone (as I understand from earlier contexts) then it wouldn't be a clash of personality types.
Ah. I see.

Lisbeth said:
I google INTJ and the word sociopath and a site said 60 percent of INTJ were sociopaths. It's like the polar opposite of an INFJ almost like a natural enemy but intriging all the same or maybe lower and non threating....it's like I don't value him because he doesn't value anyone but himself.
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[/quote]

I searched INTJ and sociopath and didn't find the site but honestly, it wouldn't matter if I did. Ignoring the obvious statistical implications the statistic brings up, saying that an INTJ is like the polar opposite of an INFJ doesn't really make sense....On a basic level, you could say they differ a lot, specifically in this instance about how to handle conflict, but to place them on the completely different ends of the scale seems rather arbitrary especially with personality thrown in. And, also, if you wanted to know if INTJs are or aren't sociopaths, it seems rather odd to go to an INFJ forum which has a particular lack of them as compared to others forums, to ask. But I'm probably just nit picking. And ah, I see. You probably should not value him for the sheer reason that he's an ass.
 
Poison is poison. He's not your friend and you can't fix him. Of course, you can forgive but you can also distance yourself and move on to something more healthy.
 
i cannot stress this enough:

I LOVE INTJs
 
VH said:
INFJs and INTJs can be great compliments to one another. However, they both have to get over the Te/Fi vs. Fe/Ti issue or else the relationship is doomed to eventually fail. Ironic too because this difference is the greatest strength of the pair, as it allows both types to cover each others' blind spots. Under developed people will not be able to accept the affront to their ego, and therefore miss out on the insights the other has to offer.
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Well said.

Let me take a stab at the blind spots.

Some INFJs might confuse neutral logic with aggressive bluntness .

And some INTJs might confuse understanding how people interpret connotations with telling lies. Paying attention to how something is said doesn't mean that one is being dishonest. I think one could litterally say the same thing differently if need be.
 
I'm good friends with an INTJ, myself. We'd be closer friends if I didn't have trust issues, but I don't hold that against him. He's very much my speed when it comes to things, which is refreshing when my other close friend lives life in the fast lane and I can only handle his brand of awesome once a week.
 
Personally, I get along well with the NTJs because it's really easy to explain an idea to them. I get half way through my idea and they see where I'm going. It's easy because we're on the same wavelength, Ni.
 
Dragon said:
Are you sure he is INTJ? What you just described sounds like ENFP, not INTJ. They both have Fi and Te as two of their three dominant functions (and both are judging functions).

I have a really hard time imaging an INTJ rousing a group of people against someone with character assassination. ENFPs on the other hand: well, it is their second nature when they are angry. INTJs might lack empathy by INFJ standards (while they think we are too sensitive), but they never lack conscience.
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Ur post makes u sounds like an ISTJ.
 
Lisabeth said:
The group I was talking about is AA
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This probably explains your friend's behavior more than his personality type. Getting thru recovery is a difficult process and I would assume that there are underlying issues regarding why your friend behaves the way he has that have nothing to do with personality type and MBTI.
 
Lisabeth said:
. The kicker is he is fun to be around. I feel like I can truely be laid back and somewhat myself around him. So when it's good...he's just different...when it's bad..he's a psychotic sociopath without a soul. So what the hell is it with INTJs and their relationships with INFJ?
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How does this quote thing work - hope I did it right!

Anyway, I was with an INTJ for 3 years. AAAAGGGHHHH! He was everything I wanted and everything I hated. When it was good it was very, very good, but when it was bad it was soul-destroying! I so totally agree with your quote! When he was in a good place, he was the most wonderful man in the world. When he was messed up, it was all my fault!
Luckily, we ended up in therapy, where the therapist told me to stop blaming myself and told him to stop blaming me. I say luckily, because I listened and got out of the relationship pretty sharpish. He didn't listen. A year later and he can't even say hello to me. A year later and I couldn't care less :)
N.B. I'm sure not all INTJs are like that! But what you said rang so true with me :)
 
kiu said:
This sounds right to me. I try to reserve the 40% normally adjusted portion of my personality for this forum.
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I agree wholeheartedly [MENTION=3710]kiu[/MENTION] and I think that we, the forum members and I, pretend not to notice when you slip up and let the 60% out to play around here....
 
bahahahaha @above.

I know few INTJ and we (so far) have been doing well, albeit we sure have our differences (have steamrolled each other regarding different issues for that matter)

I don't think your friend's actions, like so many had said before me, can be described via MBTI, tho. Each person's madness are their own.
 
Dragon said:
Are you sure he is INTJ? What you just described sounds like ENFP, not INTJ. They both have Fi and Te as two of their three dominant functions (and both are judging functions).

I have a really hard time imaging an INTJ rousing a group of people against someone with character assassination. ENFPs on the other hand: well, it is their second nature when they are angry. INTJs might lack empathy by INFJ standards (while they think we are too sensitive), but they never lack conscience.
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This ^^^. My experience with INTJ's has been that we are friends. The Ni-dom bond is usually strong and we find each other interesting and generally coming from the same place (though in different manners). My GF is an INTJ and we share the same brain at times it seems! I don't think friendship and companionship can be defined solely by type though certain types mesh better than others. I think the INTJ/INFJ combo is a good one in most cases.
 
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