Irritated By People Who Waste My Time

Artemisia said:
I have noticed an interesting trend in my personality lately. Not only have I become more cynical and a defensive pessimist but I also seem irritated by anyone who wastes my time - and I don't mean in dating only.

I find myself being angry with telemarketers who waste minutes of my time asking me to verify things and how I am, blah blah. I also get irritated when I apply for a job and the recruiters don't get back to me or get back to me very late. Same with friends who take forever to reply to messages and calls and people who waste my time with boring stories of what their kids did etc.

In general my concept of time (I am 33) has taken precedence and I find that most things one has to deal with are BS. I don't do small talk and anything that gets in the way of my productivity or my goals for the future is a waste of time, I feel.

I wonder if this is an INFJ trait, a trait of people as they get older, or the trait of a bitter woman. Let's hear it.
Click to expand...
Hey Art,

I know exactly what you're going through. It sounds like it's time to take a breath, reset your aim and focus on yourself for a while. When I was getting irritated by the things you mentioned it was because deep down, I felt that I was falling behind and not having anything to show for my effort and trials in life. That was just me mind, not saying it's true for you. I got messed about by friends etc, planning meet ups at the weekend all week, only to be canceled last minute, like, last minute. As I'm headed out the door last minute.

Just decided to pull the plug and focus solely on myself for a while. I found that by taking stock of what I want in life and where I want to go and what needs to happen to get there, I started to care less about the little irritations in my day to day life.

I to was being hyper critical of things and people around me, which is usually the sign of a harassed mind.

This might not be helpful for you, but please take some time to yourself and take stock of your life and the people in it with total and complete honesty. I did, wasn't easy but I'm now more focused yet relaxed at the same time.

Hope it works out for you !

chin up.
 
Last edited:
Elis said:
Can be wrong here, but I think what @Jet was getting at was how to make use of the situation, not how to land the job. Hate the system, by all means, but if they're being professional about the interview then that's at least some first hand experience.
Click to expand...

And what if you have tons of experience with such interviews? Sorry but if I am out to search for a job (and my bills need to be paid), I don't want to waste my time gaining interview experience. I am already qualified for the job (which is why I am shortlisted for the interview). If I know ahead of time that they have already chosen someone for the job, I will just not waste my time interviewing. I have much better things to do.
Perhaps it is an age-related issue. I do realize that younger people in their teens and twenties need more experience in such things, but someone who is over 30 has probably been through their fair share of interviews and it is not the experience they seek but getting the actual job.
 
Artemisia said:
And what if you have tons of experience with such interviews? Sorry but if I am out to searching for a job (and my bills need to be paid), I don't want to waste my time gaining interview experience. I am already qualified for the job (which is why I am shortlisted for the interview). If I know ahead of time that they have already chosen someone for the job, I will just not waste my time interviewing. I have much better things to do.
Perhaps it is an age-related issue. I do realize that younger people in their teens and twenties need more experience in such things, but someone who is over 30 has probably been through their fair share of interviews and it is not the experience they seek but getting the actual job.
Click to expand...

I think that's a valid point and I can understand why that would be irritating. However, I refuse to believe that there is nothing you can learn. Learning is life-long and everything is perspective. You might not have to cut your teeth on how to interview, but you may find it beneficial to refine your skills. The other alternative is to simply get annoyed and sap your health. If there's nothing you can do to change your circumstances, might as well look for how you can benefit.

Generally, I find that it gets harder to interview later in life because you're interviewing with people who have a much narrower idea of what and who they're looking for.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jet
atree said:
I think that's a valid point and I can understand why that would be irritating. However, I refuse to believe that there is nothing you can learn. Learning is life-long and everything is perspective. You might not have to cut your teeth on how to interview, but you may find it beneficial to refine your skills. The other alternative is to simply get annoyed and sap your health. If there's nothing you can do to change your circumstances, might as well look for how you can benefit.

Generally, I find that it gets harder to interview later in life because you're interviewing with people who have a much narrower idea of what and who they're looking for.
Click to expand...

Valid points, atree. I guess it is just a way to teach myself what to pay attention to. As someone else said in an earlier post, as you get older you realize that wasting your time on the wrong people, circumstances, etc. isn't worth it. It takes experience to realize this though.
 
Artemisia said:
And what if you have tons of experience with such interviews? Sorry but if I am out to search for a job (and my bills need to be paid), I don't want to waste my time gaining interview experience. I am already qualified for the job (which is why I am shortlisted for the interview). If I know ahead of time that they have already chosen someone for the job, I will just not waste my time interviewing. I have much better things to do.
Perhaps it is an age-related issue. I do realize that younger people in their teens and twenties need more experience in such things, but someone who is over 30 has probably been through their fair share of interviews and it is not the experience they seek but getting the actual job.
Click to expand...
Um...I'm in my 30s.

Academia like many fields is a lot about who you know. Which makes networking key. Go to an interview, make a good impression, get not hired with grace...few months down the road guess what they are asking you to apply for X a position they think you would be a great fit for. Or someone is talking and they recommend you because you made such a positive impression. Or maybe the person they chose turns their offer down or leaves or dies or whatever and they now go to see if their second choice is still available.

I certainly hope the sentiment conveyed in your posts (that I've read in my short time here) is not the same one that comes across in your interviews...being the best means jack if the people hiring do not feel that a candidate will not be a good fit for their work environment.
 
OMG Im already 30 and time just flew. Where is that guy with my fucking french fries. This is supposed to be fast food!
 
Jet said:
You as the smexy Deadpool only makes your posts all the more loveable!
Click to expand...
Gawd, these damn ENFP's and their pheromones!
 
I'm an ENFJ and I hate it when people waste my time as well. Most especially in relationships but now in friendships too. Sometimes its unintentional, which is forgivable I suppose, but some people know what they are doing and don't care about how it affects the other person. That really gets to me. One of my top pet peeves in the dating world has always been guys who waste my time. It sucks to invest my time, energy, emotions, and heart on someone who ends up wasting my time. I know maybe that sounds bad, but so it goes....
 
Last edited:
DareToFly said:
I'm an ENFJ and I hate it when people waste my time as well. Most especially in relationships but now in friendships too. Sometimes its unintentional, which is forgivable I suppose, but some people know what they are doing and don't care about how it affects the other person. That really gets to me. One of my top pet peeves in the dating world has always been guys who waste my time. It sucks to invest my time, energy, emotions, and heart on someone who ends up wasting my time. I know maybe that sounds bad, but so it goes....
Click to expand...

Eh, dating is another thing entirely. In a way you have to go through several time wasters in order to understand who is good for you and to realize what you need. Even when you do, things are not guaranteed. Lately, at age 33, I've been living my life as if I will not find someone to settle down with and expect to have my time wasted. You'd be surprised how when you expect the worst, anything above that makes you feel good.
 
Artemisia said:
Eh, dating is another thing entirely. In a way you have to go through several time wasters in order to understand who is good for you and to realize what you need. Even when you do, things are not guaranteed. Lately, at age 33, I've been living my life as if I will not find someone to settle down with and expect to have my time wasted. You'd be surprised how when you expect the worst, anything above that makes you feel good.
Click to expand...

Oh I totally agree that you have to go through several time wasters to find the right person. It always irritated me nonetheless when I thought about the time that was wasted though. I'm not the type of person who has ever liked going through guy after guy-- it's part of my personality. I have always needed more of a commitment I guess, and it always got on my nerves when I realized I had been dating the wrong person yet again, even if I was the one who ended the relationship. It still sucked.

p.s. Not that this applies right now, however. I'm currently dating someone who is extremely wonderful. Haven't seen any red flags. :)
 
DareToFly said:
Oh I totally agree that you have to go through several time wasters to find the right person. It always irritated me nonetheless when I thought about the time that was wasted though. I'm not the type of person who has ever liked going through guy after guy-- it's part of my personality. I have always needed more of a commitment I guess, and it always got on my nerves when I realized I had been dating the wrong person yet again, even if I was the one who ended the relationship. It still sucked.
Click to expand...

I am very much like you in that I'd rather focus on one guy and get to know him and become committed. However, we need the same commitment back and monogamous guys are in the minority these days. I have dated guys who were a lot older than me (and some came with baggage) and guys who were younger (some found me intimidating/were too inexperienced in life). My problem is that as an academic I am not around long enough in one place to get something going for good. It also doesn't help that I've dated a few guys I really liked long distance. Oh well. I guess if it's meant to happen it will.
 
CindyLou said:
I completely relate to this. I can get especially irritated with small talk.
Click to expand...
Maybe it the extrovert in me...but I don't understand how small talk is irritating. Its essentially the same as silence, actually it may be easier than silence since it is just mindless conversational scripts that require almost no thought.

Of course I do recognize that because of my field of employment and my children being my almost constant companions I do have a larger than average tolerance for many things.
 
Jet said:
Maybe it the extrovert in me...but I don't understand how small talk is irritating. Its essentially the same as silence, actually it may be easier than silence since it is just mindless conversational scripts that require almost no thought.

Of course I do recognize that because of my field of employment and my children being my almost constant companions I do have a larger than average tolerance for many things.
Click to expand...

It depends on where it is coming from. I don't usually mind the social niceties with strangers or acquaintances at all because it ends quickly. It is when people I know well like my friends or family members will small talk me as a replacement for an actual conversation or attempts to keep in touch that I start getting irritated, because it's a waste of time to talk for 15 minutes about nothing. It's so awkward. I walk away feeling like I lost precious time and it also makes me cringe lol

I avoid telemarketers like the plague. I never ever speak to them.
 
Artemisia said:
I am very much like you in that I'd rather focus on one guy and get to know him and become committed. However, we need the same commitment back and monogamous guys are in the minority these days. I have dated guys who were a lot older than me (and some came with baggage) and guys who were younger (some found me intimidating/were too inexperienced in life). My problem is that as an academic I am not around long enough in one place to get something going for good. It also doesn't help that I've dated a few guys I really liked long distance. Oh well. I guess if it's meant to happen it will.
Click to expand...

I won't even waste my time with guys who have commitment issues now. I think most people can tell pretty quickly I'm only interested in serious relationships. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship that has no prospect of going anywhere. lol
 
I never used to really have to use small talk a lot, because I wasn't ever really around people I didn't know.

Yeah, I think everyone would get irritated if they learned someone was purposely wasting their time. Butler some people have mentioned- I really think it's a lot to do with a person's perception. I'm a writer, so I've had to learn pretty quickly what to use my time for. A lot of people- new writer's especially -like to say that they just don't have time to write. But they do have time; look at me, writing this message... I could be writing an epic trilogy right now, but instead I'm replying to this thread! Some might perceive that as a waste of time, and they wouldn't be wrong. However, I personally get a lot of benefi out of reading other people's opinions and writing down my own thoughts. (Plus I'm not procrastinating writing, I'm procrastinating cleaning my room. Whoops.)

My very unclear point is that: You choose where your time goes, for the most part. Control the things you CAN control and stop worrying about the things you can't; because you can't control them! And secondly, you have more time than you think! It bothers me when young people (30 is not THAT old, trust me) are already putting themselves in their grave.

That's just my two cents, anyway. Maybe y'all have moved on by now.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jet
Artemisia said:
Have you ever interviewed for a position only to find out later down the road (after being turned down) that the committee already knew who they were going to hire BEFORE the interview?
Click to expand...
Ha! I actually interviewed 4 times for the same job with the same woman. After the 4th interview I gave up and decided she was a sadist. Pretty sure I'm right about that, but also I suspect that there were internal candidates each time. It's a big waste of time and effort for interviewees when companies/organisation's are playing lip service to filling a recruitment criteria.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top