Is submissiveness appealing?

[acd]

I think the issue is that we're taking it to the extreme. The question was do we find submissiveness attractive. So any form of submission would be applicable, wouldn't it? It wouldn't necessarily mean the person was submissive, just an action.

Viewing submissiveness in a partner is a statement I thought implied it was a personality trait.
Submissiveness is adjective (or a noun). Not a verb.

 

[That Girl]

What submissive actions do you find attractive?

I don't find it attractive in general but what's being described here is that people who submit to everything (i.e., are submissive people) aren't attractive. There is a difference between a submissive action, which I believe was what the question was referring to, and a submissive person.

 

[acd]

I don't find it attractive in general but what's being described here is that people who submit to everything (i.e., are submissive people) aren't attractive. There is a difference between a submissive action, which I believe was what the question was referring to, and a submissive person.

I edited and deleted that question. It's not relevent because I didn't read your initial post here. (Woopsidoodle.)
You can believe that was the question asked. I disagree, especially when it says, "In any way." Post nazi. LOL ;D (See my previous reply to this.)
You answer it like it's a question of ONE submissive action then. Alrighty!

 

[That Girl]

I edited and deleted that question. It's not relevent. I didn't read your initial post here.
You can believe that was the question asked. I disagree. (See above post.)
You answer it like it's a question of ONE submissive action then. Alrighty!

How is the question itself not relevant?

 

[Gaze]

Well . . . we can discuss the merits of both. It's fine to compare submissiveness as a personality trait v. submissiveness as an action.

 

[randomsomeone]

I think a certain type of submission could be attractive (or a positive trait) if it relates to an inner humility based on strength. In this case we might opt to submit to a spiritual ideal, laying aside our own ego/pride and being willing to learn in a more open fashion. In a similar way, we might also lay aside our own selves enough to listen to others, to let a conversation be guided by another's ideas, to participate, not in a guiding role but as an intentional listener. As I said, this kind of submissive act would be a kind of humility....a form of life perspective that holds one's own value and the value of others with equal regard. When seen as a sign of inner strength this could be attractive.

 

[anica]

I think a certain type of submission could be attractive (or a positive trait) if it relates to an inner humility based on strength. In this case we might opt to submit to a spiritual ideal, laying aside our own ego/pride and being willing to learn in a more open fashion. In a similar way, we might also lay aside our own selves enough to listen to others, to let a conversation be guided by another's ideas, to participate, not in a guiding role but as an intentional listener. As I said, this kind of submissive act would be a kind of humility....a form of life perspective that holds one's own value and the value of others with equal regard. When seen as a sign of inner strength this could be attractive.

^^This.

 

[Gaze]

I think a certain type of submission could be attractive (or a positive trait) if it relates to an inner humility based on strength. In this case we might opt to submit to a spiritual ideal, laying aside our own ego/pride and being willing to learn in a more open fashion. In a similar way, we might also lay aside our own selves enough to listen to others, to let a conversation be guided by another's ideas, to participate, not in a guiding role but as an intentional listener. As I said, this kind of submissive act would be a kind of humility....a form of life perspective that holds one's own value and the value of others with equal regard. When seen as a sign of inner strength this could be attractive.

Strongly agree, but today, we're taught to look at humility as a sign of weakness. I think it's a matter of perception. If someone sees a quality as a weakness, they will treat the person as someone with a weakness. If someone likes and appreciates the quality, and respects the person for it, they will likely respond differently.

 

[WaeV]

Not really. I'm definitely assertive, so I'll do what I think is right without necessarily waiting for others. In my group of friends at college I'm definitely one of the major deciders in that once we've narrowed it down to three or four options, I end up settling the matter. I would prefer that the group was more assertive, because when I make too many decisions for other people I feel as though I'm being too much in control.

I like people who are balanced-ly assertive. Reserve judgment when the outcome doesn't matter much to your person, but step forward and make a decision if others are floundering. Get your voice heard but sincerely consider others' opinions. I don't find having control to the exclusion of others appealing. Neither do I find being excluded from control to be appealing.

 

[acd]

Different interpretations I guess...

To be submissive connotes inferiority, in my opinion.

In a romantic partnership, that sort of dynamic is just gross to me.
I don't want to be in charge of anyone else, if I did--I'd be a parent right now.

If my boyfriend did everything I told him to do I'd be really wary and find that very awkward and creepy.

Being a good listener and a loving and courteous partner doesn't make one humble or submissive.

Being caring is not the same as being submissive.


I guess the term submissive just bothers me because I think of people who get themselves hurt trying to please others. Which is frustrating to watch.

 

[wonderer12]

I don't feel that a person who defaults to submissiveness is a person I want to have any sort of long term relationship with. Aside from whether it's attractive or not, it's very important to me that the people I trust are able to stand up for themselves, their rights, and what they believe in. If a person cannot stand up for him/herself, what is the likelihood that he/she will be able to stand up for me? This is why I don't trust a naturally submissive person to act in my best interest.

Submissiveness as a conscious choice is a different story. As aforementioned, there are times when it is necessary to submit, and there are times when it is necessary to assert. Finding the dividing line between the two is one of my little personal battles. A person who can successfully and appropriately toggle between submissiveness and assertiveness is a person I respect.

 

[just me]

I would like to use martial arts as a brief example of the submissive person I can respect, though I may not be attracted about it. A guy can walk away from a fight by deescalating the situation as best as possible, even at the expense of being made fun of. By being submissive, in a sense, he is actually harnessing his power instead of using it. There are times when submissive-looking acts are admirable.

 

[Gaze]

I would like to use martial arts as a brief example of the submissive person I can respect, though I may not be attracted about it. A guy can walk away from a fight by deescalating the situation as best as possible, even at the expense of being made fun of. By being submissive, in a sense, he is actually harnessing his power instead of using it. There are times when submissive-looking acts are admirable.

This^^ which indicates that simply because an act is perceived as weak doesn't make it so. I'm not saying i wouldn't want someone to stand up for me, especially if they're a partner, but i think wisdom should prevail - i'd rather them step back from a fight or confrontation, especially if someone is in danger of getting hurt.

 

[That Girl]

I guess the term submissive just bothers me because I think of people who get themselves hurt trying to please others. Which is frustrating to watch.

I agree. It's difficult to see someone so subdued doing whatever their partner wishes of them. Once, when I was working ToGo at the Outback Steakhouse, a man pulled up in a truck with (I'm assuming) his wife to pick up the order. I went up to the driver side and he pointed to his wife, didn't say anything, just pointed. It turned out he wanted me to walk over to her because she was paying. When I came out the second time to hand them their food he made me go over to her again so she could take it, and put it in the back seat. She never said a word to me except to say thank you, and she actually looked to the man before she said it. I was so angry that I had to get someone to cover for me as I bitched to my manager for five minutes.

 

[the]

I do not like the word "submissive." I know some don't mind it at all, but it just sounds too much like slavery and servitude to me. Indentured servitude.

I am an equal, and the word "submissive" to me sounds as if someone in the relationship is more valued (more important) than the other.

Yes, I know - there is the D/s community that goes for that and such (I'm not comfortable with that either, my opinion) but I've always had issues with that. I may defer to someone if I think they're right or if I have to trust them, but I won't pander to some stranger or pander to someone who thinks its their right to dominate me.

what is D/s?

 

[SuperDruid]

"today, we're taught to look at humility as a sign of weakness. I think it's a matter of perception. If someone sees a quality as a weakness, they will treat the person as someone with a weakness."

I submissively agree with you here entirely.

I also agree with That Girl that context matters when discussing these kinds of things. as a kinky someone I can definitely say that both dominance and submissiveness can be highly attractive in a sexual context. Most non-kinky people probably recognise that in their own relationships anyway. Some BDSM folk speculate that the submissive is in fact stronger than the dominant, as the submissive can typically unselfishly love their partner and serve their emotional/sexual needs, whilst Dominants can often act out of a need for abject self-gratification, which eventually, ironically, diminishes and weakens them.

I think the whole submissive thing is paradoxical. As someone expressed, we can submit to another in conversation out of consideration for that other person's need to be heard etc. and in so doing become an ACTIVE not PASSIVE listener?? And so on.

 

[Gaze]

I also agree with That Girl that context matters when discussing these kinds of things. as a kinky someone I can definitely say that both dominance and submissiveness can be highly attractive in a sexual context. Most non-kinky people probably recognise that in their own relationships anyway. Some BDSM folk speculate that the submissive is in fact stronger than the dominant, as the submissive can typically unselfishly love their partner and serve their emotional/sexual needs, whilst Dominants can often act out of a need for abject self-gratification, which eventually, ironically, diminishes and weakens them.

I think the whole submissive thing is paradoxical. As someone expressed, we can submit to another in conversation out of consideration for that other person's need to be heard etc. and in so doing become an ACTIVE not PASSIVE listener?? And so on.

This^^. Well said.

 

[the]

I like active submission, i dislike passive submission. If someone wants to be dominant with me in a relationship, good luck with that. I am all for fairness, but decisions have to be made and I like to make them.

 

[Entyqua]

this is all going to sound sexual, and some of it will be...

In any healthy relationship there is going to be dominance and submission. Each partner will have dominance over certain things, its a game you play with one another...

Sometimes you need to have the driving force to accomplish something, and sometimes, you need to be backed up against a wall and told to do it...

thats just how it is...

 

[Entyqua]

this is all going to sound sexual, and some of it will be...

In any healthy relationship there is going to be dominance and submission. Each partner will have dominance over certain things, its a game you play with one another...

Sometimes you need to have the driving force to accomplish something, and sometimes, you need to be backed up against a wall and told to do it...

thats just how it is...

Oh...and the sexy or not sexy part... Sometimes I like to be tossed on the bed and dominated....but sometimes I like to dominate...So both are sexy to me