Jar of Fears

[SpecialEdition]

Yessss!! There’s certain traumas that happen in life that show up symbolically. Like clowns represent fathers, spiders to overprotective mothers, heights to failure or even the direct fear itself, etc. it doesn’t leave out the direct fear but the symbolic reminder of what happened.

I have only one phobia and it developed only after a traumatic experience. It is difficult for me to feel fear about something in advance of it happening. I am not sure if that's how most people feel.

 

[Anomaly]

aye, much like that.

:3

the fear of the abuser... (my dad) where i've ended up going insane due to longterm and it's resulted in failure.
the fear of public speaking is kinda just anther branch of the same tree. Due to the bullying i experienced, i ended up getting really self conscious of my actions, and really scared of even performing publically... this resulted in my fear of people. as i don't know how they would react as all i know is failure.

Both instances are what imposed the fear of failure... and the fear of failure is prevolent... even though it is undermining and i am often not gonna admit it.

i must confess, i did use a similar thought of how you made it seem like water flow on yours, so i tried emulating water... however... it looked more like lines. lol

ExhumedMorrison left such an eloquent response I can scarcely do it justice, and out of respect to them, I can only point to their words as wisdom.

We are not the sum of our past mistakes and failures, but I think you're doing a lovely job of sharing of yourself despite what you fear. I have had the pleasure of knowing more of you due to your bravery, and I can only be grateful for the opportunity.

As for your latter statement, I think your intent was clear, and I appreciate the symbolism in it.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

I have only one phobia and it developed only after a traumatic experience. It is difficult for me to feel fear about something in advance of it happening. I am not sure if that's how most people feel.

I’m not too sure either. I’ve developed some that aren’t on this list either. It’s going to take years of therapy to get over it.
What I mean by irrational isn’t that it’s irrational to fear. It’s that fear in itself is irrational. It’s not quite that the person is wrong or their connections, but finding new ones is apart of what makes people unique and developing. I’m sorry if I spoke too soon.

 

[Anomaly]

View attachment 82490

About Failure: I don't have fear about failure as a part of the process of learning or getting new abilities, or even taking challenges. My fear is related to look behind in the end of life.

Thank you for noting the specification of how you relate to 'failure', Syn. I think there is a part of this underlying in me as well. Somehow, given your nature, I doubt you will look back with regret or shame. You love others well, and in doing so, you've learned to love yourself. Carving out your new path is going to be an adventure, and I'm glad to be a witness to it. I think you will continue living a beautiful life.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

ExhumedMorrison left such an eloquent response I can scarcely do it justice, and out of respect to them, I can only point to their words as wisdom.

We are not the sum of our past mistakes and failures, but I think you're doing a lovely job of sharing of yourself despite what you fear. I have had the pleasure of knowing more of you due to your bravery, and I can only be grateful for the opportunity.

As for your latter statement, I think your intent was clear, and I appreciate the symbolism in it.

No, thank you for giving me something to think about.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

I’m going to unfollow so I stop my jar of tears so others can feel more comfortable now. :X

 

[Anomaly]

I would think in that case it would be more a fear of being dragged under the bed than a fear of the clown itself, but that's just my interpretation. I could see how someone could develop a phobia to clowns if they had that experience though.

Yet, if a particular man dragged me under the bed, I wouldn't fear it, I would relish it. lol.

I suppose it is multi-faceted, and the components are just as transcendentally affixed to us as they are interwoven into our other fears. I am afraid of clowns because my ex-step-grandmother had an entire room of clown figurines. It was the room she forced me to sleep in when I was little. Their faces are etched into my mind. I grew weary in the way their over-pronounced smiles stretched and swayed in the dance of the moonlight glinting through the window, and I could never sleep in that house. I think the exaggerated façade is what I fear more than the entity itself. When I see a clown, I ask myself, 'Who are you really, beneath that mask?'. I think fear is as much a part of our experience as our perception.

 

[Anomaly]

I’m going to unfollow so I stop my jar of tears so others can feel more comfortable now. :X

EM, you are welcome here. Speak as much or as little as you like. You don't have to suppress yourself or your feelings, and you certainly don't need to make yourself small for the sake of others. I want to hear from you, please. I would like it very much if you shared whatever was on your mind or your heart.

 

[Anomaly]

Hoomans are interesting and beautiful.

ngl the idea of death isn’t that scary though of course as a human it would be natural to have questions, BUT I feel a little selfish for being afraid to die alone knowing someone may miss me, but yet fearing losing them even more.

I fear losing someone far more than I fear them losing me. Perhaps, we don't recognize just how much we influence others. I don't wish to project my inherent value, as it is difficult for me to grapple with, but it doesn't mean that I am not valuable to some. I imagine that this is the same for you too, EM. You have more influence than you know. You belong, and you are wanted. Some will be devastated in your loss due to this. Don't discount your worth for those in the proximity of your path of influence.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

I’m going to unfollow so I stop my jar of tears so others can feel more comfortable now. :X

You don't have to go.
Do you wish to?

I grew weary in the way their over-pronounced smiles stretched and swayed in the dance of the moonlight glinting through the window, and I could never sleep in that house.

Clowns used to scare me. And then, I found this terror delightful. It became a recurring joke among me & my sisters. And now they're not frightening anymore.

 

[Anomaly]

I have only one phobia and it developed only after a traumatic experience. It is difficult for me to feel fear about something in advance of it happening. I am not sure if that's how most people feel.

I think this is wisdom. You fear what you know. I'm sorry you endured trauma, and I hope that you never have to endure anything like it again.

 

[Synergos]

Thank you for noting the specification of how you relate to 'failure', Syn. I think there is a part of this underlying in me as well. Somehow, given your nature, I doubt you will look back with regret or shame. You love others well, and in doing so, you've learned to love yourself. Carving out your new path is going to be an adventure, and I'm glad to be a witness to it. I think you will continue living a beautiful life.

I'm glad to share my journey with you!

Maybe, in loving others, and being intentional, is more easy here. I'm doing same outside here. I have 2 friends that know the true 'San', like I'm here. But is not to easy when people doesn't inspire trust.
Maybe the bravura in opening the chest to others come from the fact that I had learned how to embrace my weaknesses, and understanding that I did my better, even that things had gone wrong.
Undoubtedly, I like the risk, as a young kid that loves his skate, and don't mind being skinned on his knee, on his hands, or even a broken arm sometimes.

"The salvation is by risk, without which, life is not worth it!"

 

[SpecialEdition]

I think this is wisdom. You fear what you know. I'm sorry you endured trauma, and I hope that you never have to endure anything like it again.

I have Ativan to help lol. It's a very, very specific thing that is well managed and doesn't control my life so it's not a bit deal for me. But when I think of fear, that's the kind of context I'm using.

Do I want to drown? No, I don't necessarily feel like it. But I can't conjure a visceral fear. It doesn't sound great, but I think I'd rather that than burning alive. Now if that jar was on the list...

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

I'm glad to share my journey with you!

Maybe, in loving others, and being intentional, is more easy here. I'm doing same outside here. I have 2 friends that know the true 'San', like I'm here. But is not to easy when people doesn't inspire trust.
Maybe the bravura in opening the chest to others come from the fact that I had learned how to embrace my weaknesses, and understanding that I did my better, even that things had gone wrong.
Undoubtedly, I like the risk, as a young kid that loves his skate, and don't mind being skinned on his knee, on his hands, or even a broken arm sometimes.

"The salvation is by risk, without which, life is not worth it!"

This makes me happy ^_^ I hope you can better be yourself in person more in the future. It definitely sounds like you will.
People don't inspire trust. Is it something that troubles you?
Our hearts are stronger than they seem.

 

[acd]

There is only one thought that terrifies me, and it's losing someone I love. The rest are things I would be afraid of in that moment, but I don't worry about them. I take precautions and feel pretty much in control to prevent a lot of what's on that list or at least I can prepare myself to deal with certain situations, like public speaking for example. Maybe what I fear are things I can't control, or things I feel I have no control over. Like losing people I love.

 

[SpecialEdition]

When I see a clown, I ask myself, 'Who are you really, beneath that mask?'. I think fear is as much a part of our experience as our perception.

For me it is "I don't know who you are but I will find out."

 

[Anomaly]

I have Ativan to help lol. It's a very, very specific thing that is well managed and doesn't control my life so it's not a bit deal for me. But when I think of fear, that's the kind of context I'm using.

Do I want to drown? No, I don't necessarily feel like it. But I can't conjure a visceral fear. It doesn't sound great, but I think I'd rather that than burning alive. Now if that jar was on the list...

I see. I've been abused in past relationships, and dealt with emotional and verbal abuse growing up, but I don't fear it. I think the reason is because I've proven to myself that I can survive despite going through it. Perhaps, it is messed up that I fear being abandoned more than I fear reliving abuse. I'm sure that is far more telling than I would like it to be, but it's there all the same.

I think the type of fear that causes a visceral reaction for me, is more so loss than anything else. The abandonment is akin to fragmentation. I can think of no greater pain than that, personally.

I am glad that your fear wasn't in the list, as some fears once dealt with should remain cast off and far from our minds.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

I'm glad to share my journey with you!

Maybe, in loving others, and being intentional, is more easy here. I'm doing same outside here. I have 2 friends that know the true 'San', like I'm here. But is not to easy when people doesn't inspire trust.
Maybe the bravura in opening the chest to others come from the fact that I had learned how to embrace my weaknesses, and understanding that I did my better, even that things had gone wrong.
Undoubtedly, I like the risk, as a young kid that loves his skate, and don't mind being skinned on his knee, on his hands, or even a broken arm sometimes.

"The salvation is by risk, without which, life is not worth it!"

Oh no. We’re getting into attachment styles now.

 

[Anomaly]

For me it is "I don't know who you are but I will find out."

Yes, in dealing with people, being highly perceptive is as much a gift as it is a curse. We all wear masks of some kind, but it's nice when you find someone who is willing to remove theirs without you having to do the work for them.

 

[Y1gtfmd74i5u]

N

I see. I've been abused in past relationships, and dealt with emotional and verbal abuse growing up, but I don't fear it. I think the reason is because I've proven to myself that I can survive despite going through it. Perhaps, it is messed up that I fear being abandoned more than I fear reliving abuse. I'm sure that is far more telling than I would like it to be, but it's there all the same.

I think the type of fear that causes a visceral reaction for me, is more so loss than anything else. The abandonment is akin to fragmentation. I can think of no greater pain than that, personally.

I am glad that your fear wasn't in the list, as some fears once dealt with should remain cast off and far from our minds.

It’s actually quite normal with abuse to feel that way and put yourself at more risk. I think my biggest step towards recovery has been to walk away from those things. It doesn’t hurt to say that you’re on a journey through your healing and it’s not abnormal to feel that way and know that others do it too. I fear the abandonment at times, but I fear more abandoning my kids or myself than losing my abuser.
Valuing your values and your feelings is a part of that and it okay to give yourself credit for noticing it.