Jar of Fears

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and I’m sorry but I’ve allowed him and everyone else to blame me for so long there isn’t any trust left. Especially when I’ve been controlled and pushed to do so when being abused and holding a past that no longer existed. So fear is a normal part of life for me. Every. Single. Day.
 
ExhumedMorrison said:
and I’m sorry but I’ve allowed him and everyone else to blame me for so long there isn’t any trust left. Especially when I’ve been controlled and pushed to do so when being abused and holding a past that no longer existed. So fear is a normal part of life for me. Every. Single. Day.
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I feel your pain. It's hard but don't needs to be forever, neither the end. Hope you can heal...
 
ExhumedMorrison said:
Yeah. I’m sure he’ll have his reasons why he did too. Don’t care. No offense intended towards you. “I honor your journey”
I’ve had jealousy, isolation, doors kicked in in my face. My children grabbed and things thrown at them, manipulation, screamed at for losing chargers due to being so post traumatic I couldn’t remember where I put it, tackled, prevented from leaving, suffocated for trying to and defending myself, etc etc.
Yeah. The post traumatic stress causes self blame. Shocking. And yeah. I’ve shut it off. There’s nothing left. So if you’re concerned I’ve told someone to protect their heart rather than encouraged them to not get to that point then I’m not sure of the implications That I appear to be implying. And no I don’t expect any justice system to be just enough to defend me and me kids with how much he manipulated it. So if I’m too defensive for this forum then that’s fine with me.
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Yes, unfortunately our choice is taken from us. I'm so sorry you and your children had to go through it, and are still dealing with it as you figure out how to move forward. You should absolutely protect your heart, and you should absolutely protect the hearts of your children. You are doing the correct thing, and what is true for some is not true for all, so in your case it makes perfect sense that you'd be wary of trusting just anyone. I hope for healing as you are given time and distance from being in that state. Perhaps, a salve can be in owning your own choices and standing up against the abuse. If you can take anything from this thread, please know that you aren't alone in it, and the reality of what you went through has a place here. You don't need to apologize for what you feel.
 
I feel weird in that the only fear I have on this list really even is a tangential one.

It isn't so much abandonment that I fear, but being insufficient.

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yokai said:
I feel weird in that the only fear I have on this list really even is a tangential one.

It isn't so much abandonment that I fear, but being insufficient.

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ESC and I recognized that pattern as well, and likely most of our fears can be wrapped up in a few core fears with others branching off as corollaries to the prior. As I mentioned in another comment, abandonment stemming from being inadequate is the most visceral fear I have (abandonment leading to fragmentation of others and of self). The others pale in comparison.

Thank you for sharing, Yokai.
 
This is such an interesting test. Sure, I may have mild anxiety about a handful, and a real fear for one or two, but under the right circumstances (in the moment of facing events, for example) most of us would be afraid, right? It's what you do with that fear that matters. Same with empathy, really. If the emotion causes you to curl up in a ball, it is a weakness. If it causes you to take action, it is a strength.

I also wonder that the patterns in the group will encourage those who don't fit the pattern to stay quiet.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
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I wasn't sure about 'The Unknown'. During my existential crisis ('why does anything exist?'), that particular jar would've been overflowing with dread - maybe it still would be if it wasn't kept at bay, or without life's distractions.
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The organization of how each jar was filled, is immensely pleasing to me for some reason. I appreciate it.

As for your latter statement, I think I've suppressed that until recently as well. Lately, dealing more so with moral ambiguity in the context of identity... so similar vein. I want to be good, but what does good look like, and am I fooling myself. That sort of thing.

Thanks for sharing, Host.
 
Asa said:
This is such an interesting test. Sure, I may have mild anxiety about a handful, and a real fear for one or two, but under the right circumstances (in the moment of facing events, for example) most of us would be afraid, right? It's what you do with that fear that matters. Same with empathy, really. If the emotion causes you to curl up in a ball, it is a weakness. If it causes you to take action, it is a strength.

I also wonder that the patterns in the group will encourage those who don't fit the pattern to stay quiet.
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I agree, Asa. It could be entirely circumstantial. We cannot know fully unless we were presented with it in context. I like to think of fear as a catalyst whenever possible. Perhaps, the flying insect will force me to move from a comforting spot and bump into someone interesting. haha. Who knows. : )
 
Anomaly said:
The organization of how each jar was filled, is immensely pleasing to me for some reason. I appreciate it.
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Welcome, convert, to the Church of PowerPoint.

As for your latter statement, I think I've suppressed that until recently as well. Lately, dealing more so with moral ambiguity in the context of identity... so similar vein. I want to be good, but what does good look like, and am I fooling myself. That sort of thing.
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There's a word I came across a while back which seemed to describe this overall sense - ambiguphobia. It seems to power a proclivity to existential dread at the top level, as well as the need for certainty in more everyday interactions and positions.

If there were a jar for that, some of my scary juice would be in it for sure.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Welcome, convert, to the Church of PowerPoint.
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Deleted member 16771 said:
There's a word I came across a while back which seemed to describe this overall sense - ambiguphobia. It seems to power a proclivity to existential dread at the top level, as well as the need for certainty in more everyday interactions and positions.

If there were a jar for that, some of my scary juice would be in it for sure.
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Haha 'scary juice'. Cute. Yes, it is likely one of my core fears. I am aware of influence, and personal responsibility. Sometimes, I overlook it, but in doing so I incur immense pain in the mistake. It's difficult. I long to be better.

Though, we can never be certain until we act. I am trying to find a balance there.

Something tells me you are too.
 
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Anomaly said:
ESC and I recognized that pattern as well, and likely most of our fears can be wrapped up in a few core fears with others branching off as corollaries to the prior. As I mentioned in another comment, abandonment stemming from being inadequate is the most visceral fear I have (abandonment leading to fragmentation of others and of self). The others pale in comparison.

Thank you for sharing, Yokai.
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Please, call me Eris. :3
 
How did you guys draw on the jars? I have a Mac by the way. I am wondering if this is some standard Windows app?
 
o2b said:
How did you guys draw on the jars? I have a Mac by the way. I am wondering if this is some standard Windows app?
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Mac too here. I used Gimp for mac. But if you have PowerPoint for mac, it works too.
 
Anomaly said:
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Also, you is a magnificent bastard. haha. Love your humor, Wy. Always have me rolling. <.< >.>
<3
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Haha I'm glad <3

Also I wouldn't count most of these as "fears" exactly, other than the big three.
But there is a certain level of hesitancy/caution/reserve that is or can be sort of instinctual with the others.
I'm not afraid of water exactly but I have every reason to be cautious considering I can't swim.

It was a really cool exercise though, thank you!
 
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