Letting go of someone...

[blueflame]

When necessary you may have to part ways with the one that you are with, do you feel that (or how often has been the case) that you did it not to hurt someone or stop hurting them? Some of the threads started here indicate that we tend to be victims more often because of our introverted nature but that doesn't mean that on a one on one level we don't have our differences with our partners and it isn't always the other persons fault. I had the tendancy to keep them at a distance, let them in on my own terms which was turtle slow, then they would get mad because I had my on and off days emotionally and they felt I was holding back.

 

[Sriracha]

My biggest fault in previous relationships was not communicating my needs; thus I made the S.O. feel that everything was fine. I would do everything I could to make them happy, b/c I feared rejection if they could not fulfill my needs. I. could. not. talk. I was the heart-breaker in 95% of my relationships for this very reason. My now spouse had to pry me open. It took a very long time.

I don't attribute this to being an INFJ. I think this comes more from "if there is a problem, do as you are told and keep quiet" stemming from childhood. Anytime I wanted to talk about a problem with my parents it was seen as "back talking."

 

[blueflame]

Mine was the same way and I couldn't defend myself at times, hmmmmm I wonder....

 

[blueflame]

bump

 

[Radiantshadow]

That's usually how it works, because I come to realize we are not compatible...or I'm not trying hard enough to make my needs clear, as is often the case. I am learning to put my expectations and such out before too much time passes and things get lost in miscommunication. I deserve happiness and fulfillment as much as they do, anything less - "victim" behavior - seems dehumanizing. One can make their needs known without explaining and necessarily validating them to the other; mutual, unconditional respect for beliefs and wants is necessary before delving further, imo. Maybe? Dunno, I'm a little sleep deprived at the moment :/