Life is scary, life is hard.

[bagelriffic]

i think there is enough interesting possibilities and avenues that i haven't explored to keep me more than satisfied with staying home and avoiding the world of work and (as bernie taupin would say) haunted social cirlces. problem is that i feel obligated to help and contribute in some way, so i have to bite off more than it feels i can chew, which can sometimes feel exhilarating, otherwise id probably prefer the latter.

 

[TinyBubbles]

oh life. life. life. a million words could be said about life and still none could encompass the entire experience of it. it's true, life is scary and hard, but it's amazing and exciting too, it's so many things, at different times, i feel the best way to describe it would be as a journey. and i think it gets better along the way, because you're no longer swayed this way or that by momentary stresses, you come to understand, forgive and accept things that you couldn't have done before... difficulties lose their ability to shock and frighten, righteous anger gives way to a tempered, resolute acceptance... at least, this has been my experience... and then you start to regain the buoyant optimism of youth, and suddenly everything becomes an adventure

life is good.

 

[SPQR]

Ahem.

NO! No, no, no, and a million times no! Life is an adventure, and you mustn't give up because it's hard. In fact, it'll undoubtably be hard: that's part of the adventure. You can't have good moments without bad ones to compare them to. It'll be scary and difficult, but you should face the world! You can say that I think that way because I'm still young, but I don't care. When I'm old, I'll rest and hide from life if I'm so tired that I can't face it. Yes. In the very least, one must begin to seize life so that if exhaustion overpowers one, that person can say with absolute confidance, "I have at least lived a little. It is far more than most people can say."

...Of course I can only make big speeches and act cool like this so often.
Tomorrow, I'll probably go back to being pretty mellow. But today happens to be a good day, and I'll be damned if we're going to be stuck in our houses feeling sorry for ourselves.

 

[enfp can be shy]

Life doesn't have to be scary and hard, but people keep repeating that and make it so, for each other, like a bunch of delusional sado-masochists. I think there are better ways to keep things going than fear. Like inspiration and exploration. I don't count this as a personal choice you make for yourself; you depend on the culture you're living in. Currently it's still quite psychopathic, but it's getting better on the long run.

Life was naturally scary and hard, while living in wet cold caves, with wild animals eating us regularly. Then people kept re-iterating this in their cultures. They play the wild animals for each other, and it makes no sense anymore.

 

[NeverAmI]

Been looking for the pause button for years.

I guess that means: I enjoy participating in life, but sometimes I just wish other things didn't participate in mine.

Life is struggle, if it isn't then you probably aren't fully engaging life. The more you engage the struggle, the more you want of what life has to offer.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Open question: is part of the difficulty of life due to insecurity... I mean, do your regular chores/work/etc. get to you because you feel the pressure that if you neglect them your job/relationships/sanity/etc. might be jeopardised?

I ask because occasionally I feel very attached to my current assignment and I fear being re-assigned. When in the midst of attachment & fear I begin to find my work loathsome. Thankfully most of the time (in the last couple of years) I'm pretty detached about where I work and this in itself makes it easy to enjoy life.

 

[KazeCraven]

I've found that you can either step out of things and then not have things to do (but then things start to get boring) or you can step into things and then not be able to scale back when you want to (i.e. things start to get overwhelming).

There never seems to be the proper balance.

I suppose it depends on what the challenges are. Most 'challenges' are rather boring, as they just take lots of work, but I know I can do them easily if I take the time.

 

[NeverAmI]

Open question: is part of the difficulty of life due to insecurity... I mean, do your regular chores/work/etc. get to you because you feel the pressure that if you neglect them your job/relationships/sanity/etc. might be jeopardised?

I ask because occasionally I feel very attached to my current assignment and I fear being re-assigned. When in the midst of attachment & fear I begin to find my work loathsome. Thankfully most of the time (in the last couple of years) I'm pretty detached about where I work and this in itself makes it easy to enjoy life.

I am usually ok at separating work from play. However, now I am pretty much on call 24/7. Unrealistic demands for a short period of time until I get fired. With such circumstances, it is hard not to become generally more cynical and bitter than I already am. I roll with it. I enjoy observing how I change, and how my different actions influence people I have spent a lot of time interacting with.

When I get calls to help fix something that was broken by someone elses incompetence in a different company, I tend to get rather stern. I have been stern a lot lately...

I find that I am MUCH more willing and able to meet the challenges though when I am so busy, and have so much going on at once. I am more confrontational, I call people out when they are stupid because I don't have time for excessive diplomacy. When this insanity started with so much work for one person, I would see 5 people waiting for me at my desk and just sort of sigh, feeling resigned. I still get that way sometimes but usually I am much more stern. "You have 15 seconds to tell me what you need, GO!"

If I could keep myself at this level of activity at home, I can't imagine how great it would be. The problem is, I am not structured enough, not disciplined enough. However, I am getting there. I am so much more structured than I was 5 years ago, heck even a year ago. It is about changing my mindset, how I view things, and changing my primary motivator from guilt to passion.

My insecurities, and correlating guilt, got me doing enough to get by, but that was pretty much it. Getting rid of the causes of guilt made room for passion, and passion is so much more of a rewarding drive.

 

[sassafras]

Open question: is part of the difficulty of life due to insecurity... I mean, do your regular chores/work/etc. get to you because you feel the pressure that if you neglect them your job/relationships/sanity/etc. might be jeopardised?

That's a very good observation, FV. And yeah, I think 90% of the time when I feel like life is getting me down it is because of my own insecurities. It's never just a divide between telling myself life is good vs. life is bad. Often, it's my fear of incompetence and mediocrity, mixed in with a very complex dose of perfectionism, that interferes with the way I perceive things and that's what ultimately taints my overall quality of daily life.

Because consciously, I am VERY much gung-ho about how great life really is. Consciously, I know life is for the living and that there is so much I can get from it if I seize the day and follow my goals and desires. I've seen it, that's how I know it's true. Still, it's much difficult to put into practice. Still, like everyone else on this good planet, I am doing my best to reconcile the beliefs with the actions.

I

I find that I am MUCH more willing and able to meet the challenges though when I am so busy, and have so much going on at once. I am more confrontational, I call people out when they are stupid because I don't have time for excessive diplomacy. When this insanity started with so much work for one person, I would see 5 people waiting for me at my desk and just sort of sigh, feeling resigned. I still get that way sometimes but usually I am much more stern. "You have 15 seconds to tell me what you need, GO!"

Very much this. If I don't have time to dwell on my insecurities, I'm much more productive and I get a lot more out of life. I'm also much happier and I look forward to things much, much more when I'm busy (no matter how stressed I'll get when I get that busy). I'm beginning to think I'm probably a lot more suited to a faster tempo of life than I give myself credit for.

 

[Wyote]

As long as you know you are free, you will be happy. It's when you feel as though your freedom is in danger or you forget that you are completely free to do and be as you please, then you begin to feel fear.

 

[testing]

I've been through a few lives already.

Once upon a time, in a totally different life from the one I have now, I was on a cruise ship, sitting in a hot tub with my true love. We could barely afford the trip, it was the first time we visited the ocean together, and we were only able to go because we got a cheap deal at the last minute.

We were in an inside cabin at the very bottom of the ship which was approximately the size of a shoebox, with no windows and as dark as can be, which worked out very well for two people in love. We were lucky to even be on the ship, and we knew it. I love the ocean, and I could not have been happier.

It had been very windy and stormy (which begs the question, why were we in the hot tub risking death by lightning strike in the first place? but there we were...) and we were laughing and drinking some kind of drink with an umbrella in it. Ships rock a lot when they are in a tropical storm, it's really amazing how powerful the elements can be.

And another cruiser, a young man about 18 - 20 years old or so, came up to the hot tub too, and we smiled and tried to be friendly. He was in some kind of really pissy mood, though, because he sat down, got out immediately, and said "This water is too cold!!! This is the Worst. Cruise. ever!" and huffed away.

We just looked at each other and laughed.

Anyway, that is what I automatically think of when I think of the whole "Life is hard" question.

Yes, it can be hard,
I am not trying to belittle actual hardship.
...but if you think it is hard just because your hot tub is not hot enough, and there was a storm during your vacation, it may be time to take a deep breath, look around, and appreciate anything worth appreciating... or have an umbrella drink.

That is my story for the day and it is also what I try to do when life feels a little too overwhelming.

 

[Norton]

Life gets easier with practice. I've had a lot.

 

[Gaze]

I believe that making our way in the world today takes everything we got. Taking a break from all of our worries would sure help alot.

I mean wouldn't it be nice to get away?

Sometimes you just got to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna go where everybody can see that all of our troubles are the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name.

Cheers!

I agree. It's better to be busy and get the gears moving and worry... than sit around and do nothing and still worry about not doing anything productive with ourselves.

Yep. Quite true.

I largely feel trapped by it.

I feel almost as if I'm "stuck" in a weird place where I can't grow, and often have nothing to do, simply because I haven't applied myself as much as the majority of people. It's like the world is very much "all or nothing." You either take on all the extra stuff you need to get ahead, or you just do the bare minimum and find yourself in a dull place where all the decisions are made for you, and you rarely have anything to do. It's like they don't offer a reasonable middle ground where you can just take on some things but on others. They insist on giving you almost nothing, or giving you too much to handle. And of course, I would never take the second option due to my risk-averse nature. Never have, never will.

I was never trained or prepared to handle this modern world, where everything is dependent on social connections, and you have to be able to use your cell phone while doing other things, like driving, which is scary by itself.

I just expected to be able to find a job where I do something for 8-10 hours, and then go home. I don't like this messy thing that a lot of people expect now where you're on call 24/7, and expected to be committed, invested, innovative, and competitive. I literally can't cope with or even comprehend that world, and that's why I'm stuck off in a small corner of it with few options.

I do what I have to in order to get by, nothing more, and nothing less... that's always been my motto. They won't get me spending a lot of energy and pushing myself like an idiot. Certainly not unless they actually offer me something more substantial than vague, empty promises.

Can relate.

Yeah, and Extroverted. If you have a "real job" you have to be prepared for it to be the primary priority in your life it seems. If you dare have a life that isn't all about "living to work, working to live" you get a lot of people talking about your lack of commitment behind your back. Or they just fire you.

I decided I couldn't handle that and gave up on it. I don't want my entire life to revolve around my work.

Agree. I'm worried about the last point especially right now.

I used to be one of those individuals that used to hate life and found the world very scary to live in. But now, I'm getting sort of comfortable with who I am and what this world can bring me. I still get anxiety attacks and all sorts of weird things from who I used to be in the past, but thanks to my persistence and introspection of what exactly was making me so fucked up and depressed, I've grown to cope and be more grateful for the things I have.

Some people may think that I'm full of shit speaking like this, since most of my posts can be quite negative sometimes, full of sarcasm and existentialist garbage and that's because for a long time since I can remember, I identified with that state of mind. I felt lost and so disappointed with the world at large and always idealized of how I was going to save it. I felt so angry all the time and all I wanted to do was to crush everything around me. I may still do this from time to time but not because I really feel that way, but because it became a habit to be that person.

Life is a school, we come here to learn lessons. Each event should be seen as a potential teacher. When somebody is yelling at you, that person has the potential to teach you the virtue of patience. So you're enemies can become your source of growth sometimes moreso than you're friends. I guess it all comes to perspective, you decide what reality you want to see. If you want to see life as a scary place, then it will become that scary place.

Good points.

Life doesn't have to be scary and hard, but people keep repeating that and make it so, for each other, like a bunch of delusional sado-masochists. I think there are better ways to keep things going than fear. Like inspiration and exploration. I don't count this as a personal choice you make for yourself; you depend on the culture you're living in. Currently it's still quite psychopathic, but it's getting better on the long run.

Life was naturally scary and hard, while living in wet cold caves, with wild animals eating us regularly. Then people kept re-iterating this in their cultures. They play the wild animals for each other, and it makes no sense anymore.

Agree. Yeah, we keep repeating this mantra, "life is hard, life is hard." Maybe not realizing that by doing so, we're becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. hmm.

 

[athenian200]

Agree. Yeah, we keep repeating this mantra, "life is hard, life is hard." Maybe not realizing that by doing so, we're becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. hmm.

That actually reminds me of something. I know someone who often does really unfair, arbitrary things to people. If anyone says something, he just says, "Well, life isn't fair. Why should I be?" Basically, he actually thinks that he's doing people a favor by shoving the unfairness of life down their throat. Kind of like the opposite of "random acts of kindness."

In that sort of case, it certainly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It really seems like human beings are the ones making life harder than it has to be for one another.

 

[Gaze]

That actually reminds me of something. I know someone who often does really unfair, arbitrary things to people. If anyone says something, he just says, "Well, life isn't fair. Why should I be?" Basically, he actually thinks that he's doing people a favor by shoving the unfairness of life down their throat. Kind of like the opposite of "random acts of kindness."

In that sort of case, it certainly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It really seems like human beings are the ones making life harder than it has to be for one another.

Yep, but it's like pulling teeth to get us to admit it. I think we've bought into the idea that if life is not hard, then things we have are not deserved or as worthwhile.

 

[testing]

Yep, but it's like pulling teeth to get us to admit it. I think we've bought into the idea that if life is not hard, then things we have are not deserved or as worthwhile.

Oh, this is so true. It's guilt with a capital G.

It seems similar to religious guilt - but it is not by any means confined to people who are very (or even at all) religious.

I know atheists who seem to think like this: "Unless you are miserable, poor, and downtrodden, you do not deserve one iota of happiness, and you are a borgeoise scum and a tool of the patriarchy, who is responsible for all the suffering in the world."

...and to me this is exactly the same thing as religious guilt, only with a different, secular, label on it, and it is hypocritical. Happiness is not built on the suffering of others.

Often people who think this way bend themselves into pretzels to justify any happiness they start to feel, and they sabotage it -- it causes them pain because they think a happy person=a bad person, and they don't want to be a bad person.

People seem to think if you're happy and/or able to enjoy some level of material success, then you simply must be some kind of swine who deserves to burn in hell. Even some atheists seem to think this way, though how they manage that feat of logic is beyond me.

Maybe I am the only one to have noticed this, though, and I am not sure I've explained it clearly. But I think I know what you mean.

 

[Gaze]

Oh, this is so true. It's guilt with a capital G.

It seems similar to religious guilt - but it is not by any means confined to people who are very (or even at all) religious.

I know atheists who seem to think like this: "Unless you are miserable, poor, and downtrodden, you do not deserve one iota of happiness, and you are a borgeoise scum and a tool of the patriarchy, who is responsible for all the suffering in the world."

...and to me this is exactly the same thing as religious guilt, only with a different, secular, label on it, and it is hypocritical. Happiness is not built on the suffering of others.

Often people who think this way bend themselves into pretzels to justify any happiness they start to feel, and they sabotage it -- it causes them pain because they think a happy person=a bad person, and they don't want to be a bad person.

People seem to think if you're happy and/or able to enjoy some level of material success, then you simply must be some kind of swine who deserves to burn in hell. Even some atheists seem to think this way, though how they manage that feat of logic is beyond me.

Maybe I am the only one to have noticed this, though, and I am not sure I've explained it clearly. But I think I know what you mean.

Yep, know exactly what you mean.

 

[DoveAlexa]

As long as you know you are free, you will be happy. It's when you feel as though your freedom is in danger or you forget that you are completely free to do and be as you please, then you begin to feel fear.

yup
Also, I'm just so tired and I can never seem to get a breath. I'm tired everyday all day since I was a baby, no joke. Doesn't make tackling life very easy or enjoyable. Think about how you feel when you've run on 3 hours sleep 3 days in a row, how happy are you then? I don't usually sleep that little, but thats how I usually feel. (And no, doctors can't tell me whats wrong).

 

[Wyote]

So, a more accurate thread title would be: Life is draining, life is exhausting.

Must be why I drink coffee and mountain dew every day. I still feel incredibly inefficient sometimes. Maybe if I upgrade to PCP I can really get some things done.

I think it's tougher now, with all of the things readily available at our fingertips... I get tired just thinking about all the things I want to attempt to learn/accomplish.

 

[NeverAmI]

So, a more accurate thread title would be: Life is draining, life is exhausting.

Must be why I drink coffee and mountain dew every day. I still feel incredibly inefficient sometimes. Maybe if I upgrade to PCP I can really get some things done.

I think it's tougher now, with all of the things readily available at our fingertips... I get tired just thinking about all the things I want to attempt to learn/accomplish.

I modern society is generally more mentally demanding/frustrating and a lot less physically demanding, which equates to less fulfilling.

But then, I never lived in another society.