Like a dream

Endersgone said:
I've always felt that way, but the blending can be enjoyable... if you find a good person/group of people. There are very few people who know the "real me", if I can still call it that... I'm not even sure there is a "real me" anymore.
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i don't enjoy the blending in part of socializing anymore. i guess after all these years of not really fitting in, just blending in, i decided it wasn't really worth it.
i am the 'real me' when i am alone. i like myself best when i don't have to bounce off of another person.
 
JGirl said:
i have felt this way since i was 4 yrs old or so. i attributed it to my sense of separateness from other people - my different-ness was extremely evident to me as a very small child. i tended to watch how everyone else interacted, as i would actors on a stage, and took my cues from that on how i was supposed to be.
i still have many moments where things take on that surreal feeling. even when i'm alone.
it's nice to know someone else can relate to it.
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I have always felt a social separation from other people, but a universal connection with everyone and everything. I don't know how else to explain it.
 
sandra_b said:
I have always felt a social separation from other people, but a universal connection with everyone and everything. I don't know how else to explain it.
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yes same here! more with everything than with everyone though. i retreated into a fantasy world much of the time. i spent most of my time alone even though i had 14 brothers and sisters.
 
JGirl said:
yes same here! more with everything than with everyone though. i retreated into a fantasy world much of the time. i spent most of my time alone even though i had 14 brothers and sisters.
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Ahh, I only had one sister but she and I were close in age. I don't know. Hmm. It just is as it is I suppose. I don't even know how to make sense of it or explain it.
 
sandra_b said:
Ahh, I only had one sister but she and I were close in age. I don't know. Hmm. It just is as it is I suppose. I don't even know how to make sense of it or explain it.
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maybe that's just it - we've spent our lives trying to make sense of something using the accepted ideas of what is normal or expected, and we come up short or confused or just plain frustrated.
i've tried to explain it to my partner, this ability that i have of automatically knowing something and being correct. he accepts that it happens but he doesn't want to know about it.
 
JGirl said:
maybe that's just it - we've spent our lives trying to make sense of something using the accepted ideas of what is normal or expected, and we come up short or confused or just plain frustrated.
i've tried to explain it to my partner, this ability that i have of automatically knowing something and being correct. he accepts that it happens but he doesn't want to know about it.
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lmao like a dirty little secret. I've stopped worrying about it and trying to define it or explain it altogether. I keep myself to myself mostly! Except on this forum.
 
i feel like that rigth now, like if life was just a dream.
 
I feel disconnected, that realization that this is all a "movie" and that everyone is playing a part in it. I have woken up though, and disengaged myself from it.
 
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