Long-term Crushes

What is a long-term crush? (years) Choose all that apply.

  • Just an attraction

    Votes: 9 30.0%

  • Love

    Votes: 5 16.7%

  • Obsession

    Votes: 14 46.7%

  • Fear of rejection

    Votes: 13 43.3%

  • Refusal to see reality

    Votes: 15 50.0%

  • Something else (please explain)

    Votes: 4 13.3%
  • Total voters
    30
thirdhalf said:
..You indirectly bring up a good point. You have had long term crushes but they didn't seem to get in the way of pursuing other love interests (going by your age these two crushes were happening concurrently). In this context a crush does not seem like a bad thing at all to have in comparison to the pin-point focus of some peoples crushes where nobody else including the world exists outside of that one singular crush.
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Yes, J.T. Crush started when I was 14, CR started when I was 15, I am now 31 and I can still swoon over both of these 2, but i have had 2 long term relationships in the interim.
 
say what said:
I think that people might mistake an attraction (but no desire to pursue that attraction) as a crush - where it's more just a recognition of attraction and chemistry.
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Just an attraction doesn't quite cover it. This is an ongoing desire/fantasy played out and pursued through various means such as manipulation. Chemistry or simple attraction would not include that type of chasing over years.
 
Have you had a crush or has someone had a crush on you for an extended period of time?
Yes on the first. Not that I'm aware of. I typically can spot when someone is interested.


How long is too long to hold onto a crush?
Anything past a year is too long. Fear of rejection can make you miss out on great things.

If a crush goes on for years, is it still a crush or is it something else?
It depends on the person, considering some only want what they can't have. Some are infatuated, some are generally interested but too shy or afraid of getting rejected. It truly is a case by case basis. Mine was ... genuine interest based on my perception of her. I was just too shy then to do or say anything. Oh well, we live to love another day. :)
 
Superlative said:
Just an attraction doesn't quite cover it. This is an ongoing desire/fantasy played out and pursued through various means such as manipulation. Chemistry or simple attraction would not include that type of chasing over years.
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Stalker?
 
Superlative said:
Just an attraction doesn't quite cover it. This is an ongoing desire/fantasy played out and pursued through various means such as manipulation. Chemistry or simple attraction would not include that type of chasing over years.
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I guess I'm not quite understanding what you mean by manipulation? To me, manipulation is never a healthy aspect of any relationship

What is your intention with a crush?

For me, a crush is something that you're too scared to pursue in fear of rejection...'I really like X, but they would never be interested in me'.
 
[MENTION=12050]Superlative[/MENTION] I understand what you are saying to an extent. I have several men that I have encountered over the years, that pop in my head once in a while. I wonder if they ever think of me. I look at their facebooks and their wonderful happy families, and wonder if i'll ever had that. I am genuinely happy these certain men are happy in their lives. My 2 long term relationships, I couldnt care one way or the other.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer. I'll always desire what I do not have, and wonder if I could've had it if I were not so picky.
 
say what said:
I guess I'm not quite understanding what you mean by manipulation? To me, manipulation is never a healthy aspect of any relationship

What is your intention with a crush?

For me, a crush is something that you're too scared to pursue in fear of rejection...'I really like X, but they would never be interested in me'.
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Just to be clear, I am not the one with a long term crush. I am a recipient and I also know another person who is a recipient.
 
Angela said:
[MENTION=12050]Superlative[/MENTION] I understand what you are saying to an extent. I have several men that I have encountered over the years, that pop in my head once in a while. I wonder if they ever think of me. I look at their facebooks and their wonderful happy families, and wonder if i'll ever had that. I am genuinely happy these certain men are happy in their lives. My 2 long term relationships, I couldnt care one way or the other.

Maybe I'm just a dreamer. I'll always desire what I do not have, and wonder if I could've had it if I were not so picky.
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I don't know if I would classify that as more than regular attraction unless you are trying to get close to them in the hopes they will finally choose you.
 
Superlative said:
Just to be clear, I am not the one with a long term crush. I am a recipient and I also know another person who is a recipient.
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oh, no judging!

I just think that we have different definitions of a crush.

I think that there comes an age where crushes are futile, and harmful to the person who has them.
 
say what said:
I think that there comes an age where crushes are futile, and harmful to the person who has them.
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That is my point. I wanted to better understand why they would hold onto a crush for years because it is not in my nature.
 
Superlative said:
That is my point. I wanted to better understand why they would hold onto a crush for years because it is not in my nature.
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Hope. Idealistic hope.
 
thirdhalf said:
Hope. Idealistic hope.
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something to daydream about. Its one of the few optimistic hopes I have. Most the time I irrationally tell myself that whatever I am going for wont work out, it wont happen. That's what constant disappointment does to a person.
 
Oh Lizzy Caplan. I'm starting to think that my 7-year crush on you isn't going to lead to anything.

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It's the clones man, the clones are coming and taking over. First the entertainment industry, next...the world!

*puts tin-foil hat back on*
 
i crush for ages on particular men who show interest in me. sometimes years, without that person having any part in my life. i dont know why, it just seems to be the way i am. i find it annoying and childish that i do this, but i cant seem to help it. the feelings do pass in the end though, its just a matter of time.
 
Some people have mentioned having crushes that evolve into friendships. I've never had this happen. In fact, I'm the opposite. I've had friends that I eventually realized that I had a crush on them. Most of my life though, I've had a weird relationship with romantic attraction of any kind. I always want to make sure the "crush" or whatever it actually is, makes since in the long-term. If I can't seem to find a logical "fit" with this person, I'm very good at killing the emotions. That said, when I do have a crush I'm extremely good at hiding it. This became a highly valuable asset to me as a teenager since I never found someone that I was attracted to that was also attracted to me until I was alost 18. However, because of this, I don't allow myself to crush often, but when I do, I crush for a long time. But once I figure out that even if the other person were attracted to me that it still doesn't make since logically, I do everything I can to cut ties with my feelings. For example, I attempted to do this with my INTP. I'll call him "M" for the sake of the post. "M" and I were friends for about 6 months when I finally allowed myself to secretly admit that I had a crush on him. However, I am leaving for grad school next year, so for me it didn't make since for me to get entangled in a relationship that may pressure me to limit my applications based on geographic locations. Therefore, I tried very hard to cut ties with my feelings, and I succeeded...for a little while. But then something strange happened - they came back. But I eventually figured out what some of his signals were that he was interested in me (he is very subtle, and I am romantically retarded, go figure), and th story goes on from there, but I won't go into detail about the space inbetween. But now I'm in a fantastic relationship with someone that job onky supports my goals, but together we have come up with an idea that might make them better while coinciding with his goals.
 
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