love, fixation, -i obsess, obsessively, when i find joy- i've the recipe to create reciprocation

bananaphone said:
You can't make someone fall in love with you. They either do or they don't.
If you can delude yourself into believing that your tactics will make this person fall in love with you-- are you prepared to constantly maintain that facade?
It sounds entirely exhausting, not worth it, and destined for failure.
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People have their own will, but it's not just their own. You can persuade someone love you the same way you can persuade them to hate you.

Free will is an illusion. So is control.
 
o_q said:
People have their own will, but it's not just their own. You can persuade someone love you the same way you can persuade them to hate you.

Free will is an illusion. So is control.
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what do you mean luzi

help me understand your ways

what isn't an illusion these days

my heart is beating... i think
yes, and i breathe too, though i dont really think about it all the time

i can choose to hold my breath
but i cant choose to stop my heart
as far as i know...

i could end my life, but that's different

we come into this world and we exit this world
is this also an illusion?

are we allowed to discuss such things,
or is it just bad form?

you know, table manners...
universal, existential etiquette

we are here to do what...
live?

love is the only thing that makes sense to me

and we cant force another to make that choice
they have to see it for themselves, or it isn't worthwhile
 
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o_q said:
People have their own will, but it's not just their own. You can persuade someone love you the same way you can persuade them to hate you.

Free will is an illusion. So is control.
Click to expand...
You can persuade/manipulate someone...
But they won't love you because it's not the natural you--just an idea of who that person has grown to expect you to be.. and how long can anyone go on living like that?
So, that wasn't obvious at all in my post? I'm talking about honesty man!
 
so when u go on a date do u dress nice-ish or go unbathed?

this is how i see it, either i can continue to let my personality dictate the ways in which my life will lack, or i can let my personality's ability to digest and assimilate new information, such as social intelligence info, to make my own life better

Jana said:
ok, people, what is the problem?
Is it intersted in you in some other way than coming when he needs help?
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he has never asked for my help, not financially, emotionally, etc. he's just likes to hang out, we have common interests and pasts

Jana said:
I got the feeling that discussion started to be more about what someone said than about topic.
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i agree. It's like trying to discuss a program in C# with someone who doesn't even know how to turn on the computer. too exhausting.

bananaphone said:
You can't make someone fall in love with you. They either do or they don't.
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love is like the ocean, sometimes the waves are alive and sometimes they are not. he already loves me, even if as a friend

corndogman said:
I admit to trying to make myself more appealing.
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corndog man, this, I believe, is the conclusion to it all. it's ok to make one's self more appealing to others. perhaps i'm just overly obsessive, i don't accept defeat in anything, the only final factor is when i choose to lose interest and then even i don't know how to rekindle it...idk if that's good or bad, it's just how i am

o_q said:
You can persuade someone love you the same way you can persuade them to hate you.
Click to expand...
true that
 
What are some specific things you do to make this guy love you?
 
it's what i do to make himNOT love me, u see?

corndogman said:
What are some specific things you do to make this guy love you?
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lol i don't do stuff to make him love me, but i think stuff i do repels him

such as, i keep talking about moving to NY, which i plan to do, June 2011, so he's not sure what that means, from what he said

i don't form emotional attachments, m0stly i'm not very affectionate or demonstrate a physical contact/ cnnection unless it's a physical need

i don't respond to, "if you want to be my woman you have to...". i typically avoid these conversations

and why, WHY?

cuz i want a husband and kids, he wants a girlfriend to hang out and party with. i want to move it along or move along, u know? If he doesn't want that then he should just scoot out of the way and let me find it somewhere else, instead of leading me on and luring me. isn't that fair?
 
so if i do stuff to SHOW him i care...

corndogman said:
What are some specific things you do to make this guy love you?
Click to expand...

so i had to survey my actions and realize that it was my own actions that were affecting HIS behavior, so what if i make a real effort to do stuff that shows i care, vs. doing what i want n not realizing how it comes off? hence learning enough social cues that demonstrate true feelings...i'm so pathetic sometimes but idk what else to do sometimes
 
dj-elsa said:
lol i don't do stuff to make him love me, but i think stuff i do repels him

such as, i keep talking about moving to NY, which i plan to do, June 2011, so he's not sure what that means, from what he said

i don't form emotional attachments, m0stly i'm not very affectionate or demonstrate a physical contact/ cnnection unless it's a physical need

i don't respond to, "if you want to be my woman you have to...". i typically avoid these conversations

and why, WHY?

cuz i want a husband and kids, he wants a girlfriend to hang out and party with. i want to move it along or move along, u know? If he doesn't want that then he should just scoot out of the way and let me find it somewhere else, instead of leading me on and luring me. isn't that fair?
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Sorry, then how do you use your psych degree for what was your intention in getting it - - to have what you want despite your extreme introversion? Like what are some examples?
 
bananaphone said:
You can persuade/manipulate someone...
But they won't love you because it's not the natural you
Click to expand...
What exactly isn't the natural you.

just an idea of who that person has grown to expect you to be..
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be what?

and how long can anyone go on living like that?
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like WHAT?

So, that wasn't obvious at all in my post?
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What am I going to do with something you obviously meant? What you mean has no accountability, what you say, does. When I'm explicit, I am explicit for a very good reason.
 
first example: He, or theBeast, I'll call him, is very sociable and friendly. he owned a bar, has worked in music for like 15 yrs. So when i hang out with him, sometimes i have to meet new people.

I LOATHE mtg new people, usually. Beyond the polite, hi my name is..., I get so bored with stupid mindless chatter. So I had to learn to show some kind of interest in new people, like by asking em questions n complimenting genuinely, other than being so obvious about my extreme desire to get rid of em.

one time, he took me to his bar when it was closed to the public to jam out with some of his friends, n i was so self-involved n rude, didn't realize what i did was rude but didn't even attwmpt conversation and made it obvious i had no interest in their musical taste


of course, that makes it hard for him cuz thwen he's in the middle
 
dj-elsa said:
first example: He, or theBeast, I'll call him, is very sociable and friendly. he owned a bar, has worked in music for like 15 yrs. So when i hang out with him, sometimes i have to meet new people.

I LOATHE mtg new people, usually. Beyond the polite, hi my name is..., I get so bored with stupid mindless chatter. So I had to learn to show some kind of interest in new people, like by asking em questions n complimenting genuinely, other than being so obvious about my extreme desire to get rid of em.

one time, he took me to his bar when it was closed to the public to jam out with some of his friends, n i was so self-involved n rude, didn't realize what i did was rude but didn't even attwmpt conversation and made it obvious i had no interest in their musical taste


of course, that makes it hard for him cuz thwen he's in the middle
Click to expand...


That doesnt sound as weird as you made it sound at the beginning. Best of luck with fitting in.
 
what if i "behave" ?

bananaphone said:
You can persuade/manipulate someone...
But they won't love you because it's not the natural you--
Click to expand...

your response extends far beyond my simple problem of my Beast.

what if i have to "behave" just long enough to accomplish my ultimate goal? for example, i'd rather be living in a hut with few material possessions other than what i need to make more tracks n art, very few visitors and lots of $$in da bank. right now, I have to teach at least to the end of this school year, which is soooo hard for me cuz i hate being leader and basically my job IS to be leader, and be polite to parents/cworkers, but i behave cuz i see my goal within reach.

everyone that knows me knows that i'm ready to leave my job, rather b in a hut in NY making stuff, but they appreciate that i make the effort to make it easier for them by "behavng", so the people i DO care about keep me around cuz they see how hard i'll work to protect their delicate realities. understand? so they know the real me, but love me cuz i'm willing to let my selfish self take a break while i play along for their sake
 
totally not weird. and i totally couldn't care less if i fit in or don't, if most people like me or they don't, or even if people like my music or DJing or if they don't

but for this one person, i DO care. i hear it every day, most people do have that sense of self-consciousness that i so seem to lack. i only play the game for the game is the means to the end...

well, overall, u said i'm not so weird so i guess i should just take that and run wit it

thank u for dedicating so much typing to my quest
 
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dj-elsa said:
lol i don't do stuff to make him love me, but i think stuff i do repels him

such as, i keep talking about moving to NY, which i plan to do, June 2011, so he's not sure what that means, from what he said

i don't form emotional attachments, m0stly i'm not very affectionate or demonstrate a physical contact/ cnnection unless it's a physical need

i don't respond to, "if you want to be my woman you have to...". i typically avoid these conversations

and why, WHY?

cuz i want a husband and kids, he wants a girlfriend to hang out and party with. i want to move it along or move along, u know? If he doesn't want that then he should just scoot out of the way and let me find it somewhere else, instead of leading me on and luring me. isn't that fair?
Click to expand...




Why can't you just move on?
Why does he have to be the
one to move along? You're
perfectly capable of walking
away.
 
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Umm yeah I would keep in mind that there are guys who will do and say anything to get laid or keep getting laid, especially if you are very physically attractive. It's a sad fact.
 
toska said:
Umm yeah I would keep in mind that there are guys who will do and say anything to get laid or keep getting laid, especially if you are very physically attractive. It's a sad fact.
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True, but committment-phobes are pretty easy to flush out. If you are looking for a committment, then don't waste your time with the committment-phobes...
 
toska said:
Umm yeah I would keep in mind that there are guys who will do and say anything to get laid or keep getting laid, especially if you are very physically attractive. It's a sad fact.
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I used to look down on this behavior, but now I see why they do it.

It isn't about right and wrong. In my experience, it's about people competing for power.

Guys who protest about the nature of women are sexist, while women who protest about the nature of men, are victims.
 
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dj-elsa said:
your response extends far beyond my simple problem of my Beast.

what if i have to "behave" just long enough to accomplish my ultimate goal? for example, i'd rather be living in a hut with few material possessions other than what i need to make more tracks n art, very few visitors and lots of $$in da bank. right now, I have to teach at least to the end of this school year, which is soooo hard for me cuz i hate being leader and basically my job IS to be leader, and be polite to parents/cworkers, but i behave cuz i see my goal within reach.

everyone that knows me knows that i'm ready to leave my job, rather b in a hut in NY making stuff, but they appreciate that i make the effort to make it easier for them by "behavng", so the people i DO care about keep me around cuz they see how hard i'll work to protect their delicate realities. understand? so they know the real me, but love me cuz i'm willing to let my selfish self take a break while i play along for their sake
Click to expand...
I was referring to you looking up "scientifically sound" ways to create love.... weird things like that.
Basically trying to mold yourself into someone he'd want.. but whatever. Have fun!!
 
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