KingOfSpades
Community Member
- MBTI
- INFJ
In my mind I think a real and genuine "completeGuy" doesn't worry about having sex or "scoring" with a pretty girl at a club or something. I think being a completeGuy means embarking on your life long journey of fulfilling your purpose....putting your energy into your life's work...conventionally, you might say "building a career" but I think the word "career" is very limiting. Maybe you are interested in photography and spend three years traveling the world taking photo-shoots; or maybe you become a grad student to study physics, or any number of things. In my mind, it just means fleshing out who you are as a person and taking confidence in the little successes that will make up what you will do with yourself as you traverse your life.
In doing that, you kind of stop worrying about whether someone likes you or not. When you stop worrying about it, then by definition the anxiety goes away, right? Then you can get to know women just as other people and not always as "potential love interests" or "the one". then love just blossoms naturally.
That's kind of my approach to things. I get lonely at times (I haven't dated anyone in a while -- check the Valentine's thread, i think I'm not alone in that sense!) but, life isn't Hollywood. 100 years ago, everyone on this planet was pretty much set-up by their parents or lived in small towns with MAYBE 10,000 people, so you married the girl who lived down the road. Now, we live in mega cities with tens of millions of isolated, lonely people. I think loneliness comes with the territory of living in our modern societies.
It also depends on what you want in life. If you want to just marry anyone and start having kids, you can do that. It's just a numbers game at that point -- you just ask out enough people and really, at some point one of them will say yes. On the other hand, I would prefer to have genuine love in my life and not just a sterile and forced relationship -- but love demands freedom, too. You can't just summon it, it happens of its own accord. I've been in love once, but my sense from speaking with a lot of people is that feeling even that kind of romantic love, even once in your life, can be a lucky thing. Observing many married people (including my own parents) led me to the conclusion that marriage and love can co-exist (and a successful marriage is one where love deepens throughout life) but many people also get married for the wrong reasons and just because the other person has a pretty face or a lot of money. That seems like hell to me!!
If you're worried about being a virgin or something like that (and again, life isn't hollywood, sometimes you just never meet a sexual partner until college or after) then you should decide if you're just looking to have sex or willing to wait for love. If you just want to have sex, there are many many things you can do to have sex with someone pretty quickly, but it won't be in the romantic sense that you want and comes with all the health/personal risks associated with having sex with relatives strangers (and i'm talking about everything from clubbing to prostitution to using internet ads, etc. etc., i mean there's really a million things).
so you really just need to figure out what it is you desire. sometimes, all we want is just the attention and confirmation that we are attractive people! and the easiest way to get that is just to give it to ourselves, from ourselves
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