Men and women are different. And that's okay

Deleted member 16771 said:
Lol, yeah...

There isn't such a power difference that we have to account for nowadays for any of that kind of courtship to make sense, and yet there's a biological lag.

We're still wired up as if a woman would be entirely at our mercy and under our protection (and them too), when the state provides her with all the safety that she actually needs.
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The abolition of the family, Marxist indeed.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
I hope you don't get hurt.

I have faith, too, but I've seen a lot of shit.
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Deleted member 16771 said:
It's clear that you adore your wife, RE.

You mention her in ever second post.

I can empathise with that kind of focus.


But damn does it make me anxious on your behalf. I know you'll understand where I'm coming from here, and that I'm not trying to seed any doubt, but even so all I can think is:

'prepare for ruin.'
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And I thought I was pessimistic :P

Seriously though, if it were any other woman I might agree. But my wife has rather... unique circumstances. Fortunately due to the circumstances and her personality I can trust her implicitly.

As said in the Dating thread Brit created, I have a much higher bar for any other woman. I wouldn't trust the way I trust my wife with any other relationship.

But with her, I know I'm safe.

I can't go into the details because they are of a personal nature to myself and her. Maybe if she's willing I'll talk to you about it one day, but basically neither of us would be who we are without the other, we've survived together and surviving together breeds a form of bond you don't get if you haven't suffered with someone.

I do say if others had gone through half the stuff my wife and I had gone through, both together and alone, their relationships wouldn't survive. Very few could come through what we've been through, on many levels. And I'm not just talking the immigration, though that alone would break many.
 
Pin said:
The abolition of the family, Marxist indeed.
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Pfff. Yeah, I know right?

Even if its not between a man and a woman, a man and a man, family is damn important.

A strong family bond, regardless of who is in it, with individuals who love and trust each other is so valuable to children if nothing else.

Single parents can do well, and many will succeed, but its so much work and having a pair who can balance the duties of child raising makes it easier.

It also teaches how a child views relationships - health parent relationship means they'll strive for that. A bad one - they'll take the negative aspects into adulthood.
 
ReasonEnduring said:
And I thought I was pessimistic :p

Seriously though, if it were any other woman I might agree. But my wife has rather... unique circumstances. Fortunately due to the circumstances and her personality I can trust her implicitly.

As said in the Dating thread Brit created, I have a much higher bar for any other woman. I wouldn't trust the way I trust my wife with any other relationship.

But with her, I know I'm safe.

I can't go into the details because they are of a personal nature to myself and her. Maybe if she's willing I'll talk to you about it one day, but basically neither of us would be who we are without the other, we've survived together and surviving together breeds a form of bond you don't get if you haven't suffered with someone.

I do say if others had gone through half the stuff my wife and I had gone through, both together and alone, their relationships wouldn't survive. Very few could come through what we've been through, on many levels. And I'm not just talking the immigration, though that alone would break many.
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Are you prepared for the day when she gets bored of you?

I'm sure all of that is true, and I still believe in that kind of love, but I just want to tell you to start building the mental reserves now for when you lose it all in a heartbeat. Do not be destroyed when your whole world comes crashing down around you.

It's just a precaution. A contingency. Like building a nuclear fallout shelter.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Are you prepared for the day when she gets bored of you?

I'm sure all of that is true, and I still believe in that kind of love, but I just want to tell you to start building the mental reserves now for when you lose it all in a heartbeat. Do not be destroyed when your whole world comes crashing down around you.

It's just a precaution. A contingency. Like building a nuclear fallout shelter.
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She's worried of the day I get bored of her.

I know I can trust her and she has so much of her personality tied into me that seperating from me would be like losing the right hand side of her body. For reasons I can't say, I know this to be true.

Whatever happens I will survive. I plan for EVERY eventuality. I'm paranoid. I've got mild plans for alien invasion, zombies, the collapse of civilisation, the rise of extremists both left and right.

After the last 10 years of life I am not letting go unless death prys me away from the world with my cold dead hands, and even then I'm fighting that.

I will be fine. But I appreciate your concern.
 
ReasonEnduring said:
Pfff. Yeah, I know right?

Even if its not between a man and a woman, a man and a man, family is damn important.

A strong family bond, regardless of who is in it, with individuals who love and trust each other is so valuable to children if nothing else.

Single parents can do well, and many will succeed, but its so much work and having a pair who can balance the duties of child raising makes it easier.

It also teaches how a child views relationships - health parent relationship means they'll strive for that. A bad one - they'll take the negative aspects into adulthood.
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I completely agree.
 
ReasonEnduring said:
She's worried of the day I get bored of her.

I know I can trust her and she has so much of her personality tied into me that seperating from me would be like losing the right hand side of her body. For reasons I can't say, I know this to be true.

Whatever happens I will survive. I plan for EVERY eventuality. I'm paranoid. I've got mild plans for alien invasion, zombies, the collapse of civilisation, the rise of extremists both left and right.

After the last 10 years of life I am not letting go unless death prys me away from the world with my cold dead hands, and even then I'm fighting that.

I will be fine. But I appreciate your concern.
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I'm glad to hear that, mate, and I'm sorry that I felt the need to say it.

Funnily enough a Prince Harry story has just cropped up in my newsfeed... It's clear that dude is doing everything for love, but I fear that her lifestyle demands are insatiable and he'll end up a hollowed-out wreck when she inevitably leaves him after destroying everything that was ever important to him.

It's an all-too familiar story.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
I'm glad to hear that, mate, and I'm sorry that I felt the need to say it.

Funnily enough a Prince Harry story has just cropped up in my newsfeed... It's clear that dude is doing everything for love, but I fear that her lifestyle demands are insatiable and he'll end up a hollowed-out wreck when she inevitably leaves him after destroying everything that was ever important to him.

It's an all-too familiar story.
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Indeed. I learned from my first girlfriend the realities of love and relationships. Later ones taught me lessons in self respect. Its a lesson every man will probably eventually go through, but the quicker you learn it and move on the better. Its a shame with many its a dragged out and painful event. I was lucky, I realised the gaslighting within a few months and managed to escape without any serious damage.

My wife is rare, as is our relationship and I'm well aware of it.

As for Harry... I fear as a Royal he may not have learned the lesson. Too much "Yes Your Highness". When you're that high up no one really treats you like an equal, and definitely not as a lesser.

Meghan has humbled him, and its a question of if she does a Diana or not in the end. She obviously never realised how difficult it is to be royal though.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
I almost never observe the same kind of obsession from women, especially in long-term relationships. In fact a lot of the time it seems that they struggle to stay in love, and have to convince themselves with a lot of mental gymnastics.
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It's odd how human biology seems equipped for a Hobbesian state of nature where to the most brutish of brutes go the spoils.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Yup. Shame to see him suffering such indignity like that. The SIMP of our times.

I'm not sure she would have done that to him if she loved him more than her lifestyle.
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Ugh. I hate that SIMP has become a thing.

The other to look at is Kate. She adapted to the role quickly. She'll be a fantastic Queen, and William a fantastic King.

Unsure on Charles, but we'll see.

Meghan is an American. Americans don't like being told what to do, unlike us British. Its Edward VIII all over again except at least its not the King this time.

If they don't want to be Royal that's fine. If they want to retire to the US and she stays true to him, all power to the pair of them. Time will tell.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
There was a time when I could have had a harem of married women.

I've seen the worst.


I just want my girl.
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You'll find someone.

Often people are in unexpected places. I never expected to end up in the US. Young me might have considered Europe somewhere, probably not outside the UK. But here we are.

Different cultures affect things as well. My wife is Catholic, which is obviously quite a family oriented religion. I am not, but to be honest it never comes up. We've discussed kids and agreed to give them all the options and pick their own.

If you want a more traditional relationship then its a matter of finding people who share that traditional view. Ironically, the religious often tend to be that.
 
ReasonEnduring said:
You'll find someone.

Often people are in unexpected places. I never expected to end up in the US. Young me might have considered Europe somewhere, probably not outside the UK. But here we are.

Different cultures affect things as well. My wife is Catholic, which is obviously quite a family oriented religion. I am not, but to be honest it never comes up. We've discussed kids and agreed to give them all the options and pick their own.

If you want a more traditional relationship then its a matter of finding people who share that traditional view. Ironically, the religious often tend to be that.
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Funnily enough I've been pulled towards the Catholic Church for a long time. I was talking to @Pin about that yesterday.

I'm agnostic, but it seems that everyone who becomes important to me is Catholic or has a Catholic background. It feels like some circle of completion that will occur sometime in the future.
 
Deleted member 16771 said:
Me too. All of that kind of talk leaves a sour taste in my mouth, but it exposes a truth that can't be ignored.

Cynicism is rarely rooted in fantasy.
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Mmm. True. But some men need to realise women aren't the be all and end all of life.

Build a life around yourself and that makes you more attractive.

Also as I said before - self respect and value. Don't be someone else's pawn. Be your own person. These guys think female attention is everything but it isn't. In 20 years, who will care. What matters is what lasts, and being a pawn of someone else isn't going to advance your life.
 
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