Merkabah

[Wyote]

Truth is, I'm very much a newbie when it comes to symbols...

Ah how exciting!

 

[JennyDaniella]

View attachment 48630​

HAHA

 

[Skarekrow]

Truth is, I'm very much a newbie when it comes to symbols...

 

[Skarekrow]

Sweet vindication!!

Doctors can be incredibly frustrating.
So it is now clear to me that for the past several years my Rheumatologist seemed less than convinced that what I have was truly ankylosing spondylitis despite it being diagnosed by the countries foremost expert on the disease...the family history...the genetic marker HLA-B27...the arthritic damage that is easily seen on any X-ray I’ve had...the fact that I responded to Enbrel for several years before it stopped working...IDK, being fucking disabled and in constant pain....the list goes on.
I could tell the last few times she seemed a bit off and I left feeling a bit perturbed.

Something like this -
(She would go through the list with me)...so you’ve tried Enbrel, Humira, Symponi, Remicade, and Cimzia correct?
Yes.
And only Enbrel helped you for several years but then stopped?
Yes.
Your body can form antibodies to these drugs after a while.
Yes, I know.
And all the other medications made you ill?
Yes, very...not only did they not help my pain, only the flare ups, they made me very sick and even more lethargic all the time...the Remicade put me in the hospital and the Cimzia almost did too, not to mention the bill I got for $16,000+.
(I think she though I meant 1,600)
Sixteen thousand?...(with bored expression)
Yes, 16,000 and some odd dollars...thank god I got the hospital to write it off.
Hmm?
So I wanted to also talk to you about my neck not turning properly lately...
(interrupts)
Why don’t we get the results of the MRI for your lower back and see if this isn’t just a mechanical problem?
(which infers that there is no inflammatory process or active ankylosing spondylitis and it’s a disk or something else)
Well, it’s not just a mechanical problem though otherwise why would I respond to the medication?
Well we don’t have any labs that show inflammatory markers, and though there is damage there has been no significant change the last time we had an X-ray in...oh...2017...lets get a new one.
Over 70% of AS patients do not have elevated ESR levels...and over 40% do not respond or cannot tolerate biologic meds....I have never had a high ESR level, I did respond to....but then did not after 5 years or so and tried all the others with only horrible side effects that have taken a heavy toll on me physically.
(no reaction as she writes this down)
(I know she was thinking if she cannot establish inflammation or changes to X-ray in the SI joints she is doubting the diagnosis without all the facts and past X-rays to compare.)
__________
She does her physical exam and measures how I bend and all the normal stuff that goes along with such a visit and go home instead of getting the X-ray and labs since I am tired as hell and pissed off.
I go in the next morning and get them done.
I check the online results and sweet vindication she can go and suck a fat egg.

This immediately set me off and triggered something deep inside me that was waiting to bust out.
Not only did it show -
Chronic asymmetric bilateral sacroiliitis with progressive articular surface erosions compared to 2017.
But higher up in the spot that I have been telling them for years and years and years hurts like a mother -
Chronic degenerative endplate sclerosis and large left-sided disc osteophytes L4-5..
And here...a note...from my Doctor -
Xray SI do show inflammation and erosions , no need to MRI this now. We should have you on biologics.
Excuse me?
You want me on what?
Those drugs that don’t work, make me very very ill and cost more than I could ever possibly afford to boot that we just discussed?
Surely you were listening weren’t you Doctor?
So now that you can see the inflammation...that guess what...still didn’t show up in my fucking blood work!!!
Now that I’ve done some kind of due diligence with you as a Doctor, to fucking PROVE to you because my history and previous fucked up X-rays were not good enough for you, but was for the federal government to put me on disability...it is not good enough for you even knowing that your blood tests don’t work, and your medications don’t work and make people sick.
Does anyone know how many years it takes on average before AS shows up radiologically?
How long a pathologic or arthritic process takes before it can be seen on an X-ray?
On average - 10 fucking years.
Which is why Doctors have to trust their patients when they say they are inflamed.
Unfortunately even amongst Rheumatologists, many are not very knowledgable about ankylosing spondylitis and I feel like I have to educate them each time I go.
Switching doctors would just have me going through this whole process again - prove it to me that you have this.
WTF?
Look at the X-rays!
A child can see it’s not right.
So knowing that it’s usually on average 10 years this is what they found in 2 -

COMPARISON: May 10, 2017

FINDINGS: Chronic bilateral irregular sclerosis around the

SI joints, again asymmetrically prominent along the iliac

side of the left SI joint. Erosive irregularity of the

bilateral SI joint articular surfaces appears progressive

since prior.

______________________________

This morning I get a phone call from her office assistant.
- The doctor wants you to go back on biologics immediately!
Ummm...no...(then proceed to explain that I JUST talked to her about how they make me sick without helping me and I still cannot afford them anyhow!).
- Oh, I will let her know, that’s no good.
Yeah, they’ve been very unpleasant for me...I am not opposed to medications like Celebrex, but I cannot and will not go back on biologic meds, I’m sorry.
_______________________________

Just WTF?
Like it’s some kind of emergency now...idiot....fucking idiot.
I’m the one who has been enduring the pain from these issues going on in my back for decades and now it seems that you were less than trying to give a shit!
Oh...now you have your radiographic evidence of active inflammation that takes fucking years and years to present so just the very fact that it hasn’t even been two goddamn years and there are such dramatic changes, yeah...should get you moving trying to fucking do your job and help me you socially retarded moron condescending asshole.
Where were you when I have been asking for you to please check this or that as it’s causing me great suffering?
Questioning my diagnosis.

So...no bitch...I will not be going back on that poison with side effects like cancer and heart failure and nervous system damage and liver damage and death.
And I get it...I understand the frustration and the stand off between Doctors and chronic pain/conditions and their inability to do anything past a point.
But that is not even an excuse
I fully expect to be taken very seriously the next time we meet or I will have some very choice words for her.
I’ve been asking for her help with my pain, with my fatigue, with the life altering issues and it seems that she thought I must be playing it up or something.
That infuriates me both as a patient and as a medical professional myself and a strong patient advocate.
There is no reason other than those she created, to not take me as seriously as she seems to be now that she has her precious X-ray changes!
Yes I am an INFJ, but I am an assertive one...when it comes to this shit, you should probably move out of my way.
I wish I could call her on the phone and childishly gloat at her I’m so pissed off still at having learned her true underlying thinking process.

I’m going to pretend nothing happened and we’ll see how she reacts...lol...I can already tell by the phone call she knows she fucked up.

 

[Skarekrow]

Feeling a bit better about it all today.
Was very down yesterday.
Take care all and much love!!!

(What are your thoughts on this bit of prose below??)









(How accurate do you think this is??)


​

 

[Skarekrow]

19 Lies Your Ego Tells to Keep You Safe (and staying small)

I sat there in my office chair for 15 eternal minutes…my finger shaking as I hovered my mouse over the SEND button…just SICK to my stomach.

I couldn’t do it.

I released a deep noisy breath from the shallows of my throat and cupped both hands over my face… and then ran my fingers through a long brown tangled mess of uncombed-overworked-entrepreneurial-hair.

I almost cried.
My throat was tight.

It felt like the death of me + my business.

“You’ll bother them.”

“They won’t remember you….you’re just spam.”

“Who do you think you are?”

“You. Suck. At. This.”

My inner, egoic chatter was brutal.

Yep.
That was me.

Sending off my first email newsletter of all time.
To 40 people.

A little dramatic?
Maybe.

But you’re lying, fearful ego will do just about anything to get their way….. be comfortable….be safe…. And keep the status quo.

I won’t ask you if you’ve been there or somewhere similar, because I know better.

We’ve ALL been there.
Immersed in fear.

Paralyzed by our own thoughts.

Lied to by your own self.
When I finally untangled my fingers from my hair… I looked up and caught the bullet points within my own newsletter that was glaring back at me…

Bullet point number 3 then SCREAMED at me.

It read:
“YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE.”
In that moment, it all became clear.

Here I sat, with a message from MYSELF.

(Duh right coach!?)

I AM stronger than I think.

This was NOT a lie.
It was indeed the truth.

My heart knew it.

And if I didn’t consciously get over the lies MY ego was telling to keep ME safe, then I’d stay small too.

In my heart of hearts I knew I was destined for something greater.

In that moment — I became more willing that I EVER had been… to confront the fears that held me back.

This time I took a cleansing breath.
And became still.

I thanked my ego for working overtime and for keeping me safe.

Awake to my own beautiful lies…. I clicked SEND.


Your Ego LIES. Here’s WHY.
Simple answer?
You’re human.

Your ego comes as part of the package of YOU.

And one of the biggest jobs of your ego is to protect you.

Nice, right?
In theory yes.

But ego sometimes acts like a warrior with a pack of swords on her back when you’re doing things like….errr…sending an email.

Overkill, my dear ego… (sheesh, settle down!)

But there is some risk there right?
And she doesn’t want that for you.

So, when you are trying to go full out, play a bigger game and be more successful in your life — your ego can be a little over zealous.

Let’s just rationalize and get clear on this for a moment.

Ego likes to keep you safe from:

Failure.
Success.
Being seen.
Being judged.
Not being approved of.
Not being loved.
Criticism.
Being wrong.
Being imperfect.
Risk.
Discomfort.

Pick your fear.
She/he will outdo themselves to make sure you don’t have to face it, and more so… FEEL IT.

Here’s What I Know:
Awareness is power.

What lies are you telling YOU that keep you from your dreams.
That sabotage your success in the name of staying safe?

I’ve been coaching for a lot of beautiful years — and I’ve narrowed down a list of some of the common egoic lifes, beliefs and all out doozy’s that keep you safe… and playing small.

If you’ve heard any variation of the thoughts below running wild in your mind — you are not alone.

It’s time to stand in your greatness — don’t you think?
Awareness is the first step.

Here we go… 19 LIES YOUR EGO TELLS TO KEEP YOU SAFE (and playing small)

1. I’m not smart enough: Hey, I’m all for learning new skills, doing what it takes + using that brain of yours (because when we use it, we get smarter!) But a belief that “I’m not smart enough” really is just a thought that protects you from failure. Now, I get it. Not everyone can be a brain surgeon. But chances are it’s not your passion. And the thing that IS your passion — you’ve already got most of the mojo for, and can learn what you need to go the distance.
   .
2. I’m not good enough: Good enough for what I ask you? For who? “I’m not good enough” is rooted in our need for approval. And I get it… the mother of the kid next door told you were a horrible human being for going out of turn with the lady bug toy. (whoops, that’s mine) and suddenly that rush of shame turns into “I’m not good”. And it’s a handy coping mechanism for the ego when she/he is up against something fearful, like change. Ego says, “Wait… wait…. Let’s examine the files. Turns out you’re not good enough, so let’s pause on that decision. Wouldn’t want to feel ashamed, or embarrassed or have someone tell you so — because that’s too painful. Now, let’s get back to watching that Friends re-run.”

1. I’m not beautiful enough: Let’s face it. There is a lot of comparison going on out there… I’m not beautiful, I’m not thin or I’m not fit enough and I’m afraid to BE SEEN are all part of this nasty set of lies. You’d be shocked if I told you just how many entrepreneurs I work with that won’t do a live stream, or do a video, or get their pics done because they aren’t beautiful enough, or have such a fear of being seen… flaws and all. It’s a handy way to stay small, isn’t it? Because if you’re hiding, you’re not living life or doing business to the fullest. (and here’s a thought for you, most people LOVE real people they can relate to, not airbrushed cover girls. What if you believed that instead?) YOU are enough, right now. Just sayin’.
   .
2. I’m not worthy or lovable: I was about 14 years old and sat in a Weight Watchers meeting with my mom. I’ll never forget one of the ladies there, pouring her sweet heart out… I almost cried. She said — I’ll get my ears pierced when I lose 25 more pounds. I remember thinking — what? Why not now? Through my coach eyes I know the answer. She had set up prerequisites for self love and worth. I’ll love myself and reward myself when I’m 25 pound thinner. When I’m WORTHY of it. (kind of bleeds into the above, doesn’t it) I imagine that she didn’t allow the rest of the world to love her either. “I’ll be worthy or lovable when…. “ fill in the blank. Is a trap. And keeps you small. This is by far the most important work you can do in your journey to creating your empire. It’s layered. It’s deep. And you’re worth it.
   .
3. They will think I’m crazy: Truth is…they might. They might have all kinds of thoughts about you. They might judge you. They might talk about you. They might think ALL kinds of things about you. In fact, it’s not just “might”. They WILL. You’re probably like, “Lori, c’mon that’s not very comforting!” Well, I’d rather have you get comfortable with the fact that it doesn’t matter what they think…. Or even what you THINK they think. Because anything less halts your ability to move forward. I get it. Judgement is painful, and ego will outdo herself to escape it. But their opinions won’t give you a weekly paycheck, nor do they offer you your dream life.
   .
4. I don’t have time: I’ve got 4 kids, and very full business. And little “time”. But funny thing is…when I REALLY want something, I make the time. I somehow downright manifest the time. It shows up. But place change or something a little scary in front of me … and BAM suddenly I don’t have the time. It’s such a lovely reason (err excuse) … and such a great way to talk myself right out of going big and being GREAT. Sometimes you just gotta call yourself out on your own stuff. You’ve got the time, and you can make the time. End of story.
   .
5. That’s just the way I am: Somehow we got sucked into this belief that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Or that change isn’t possible. Like you have to throw your hands up in the air and surrender to the fact that you are just XYZ. Fill that blank in… That’s just the way I am… I’m….. (Scattered? Lazy? Unwilling? A pushover? A follower? Shy? Slow learner? Intolerant? Hate change?) Here’s what I know… you don’t have to define yourself by anything. And change is possible. As a coach, it’s all I DO know. Sounds cliche but change IS the only constant, thank goodness. And “the way you are” need not be used for an excuse to stay small anymore. Unless of course, that’s just the way you are. (wink, wink)
   .
6. It will never work out: You can see by now where this is headed… but a belief that says “that’ll never work out is just a fear of failure, or success for that matter. Ok — so I know you might be good at predicting an outcome based on your business savvy — but check in. Is this a thought based in intuition, in solid and savvy street smarts… or is it fear based and holding you back from taking a much needed leap? Don’t let your ego trick you either. Remember it will lie to you to keep you safe… so do a little soul searching when you hear yourself chanting the it-won’t-ever-work-no-way-no-how mantra. It could be a lie to keep you safe + playing small.
   .
7. I can’t: Here’s my take. You are stronger than you think you are! You can. And that includes sending emails, making cold calls + public speaking darling. All of it. It’s so disempowering to your psyche, and to your spirit for that matter to utter “ I can’t” under your breathe, or let that run rampant in your mind. “I can’t.” “I can’t.” “I can’t.” It’s a lie. What if you can? What if you just WON’T? At least own it. I won’t. That’s right. A least you stand in your power. “I can’t” is a lie. I won’t is power. Now…. I’m sure you can find some limit in which you really can’t do the impossible. You can’t eat bricks. You can’t morph into a shark. Ok… you got me. But let’s not nitpick. Look at what how you’re ego uses these two words to keep you small + safe.
   .
8. .I need to be perfect: This lie is SO slick. Why? Because you’ll never be perfect. Perfection is only a judgement, based on a set of preferences, expectations + circumstance. You’re ego can use this one over and over and over — because guess what? You’ll never be perfect. So you’ve got all the padding you’ll need to stay the same, and keep your ego comfy. You’ll never be perfect to your ego… but if you do the work of dropping perfectionism — you’ll step into a new kind of perfect that will serve you. Perfect imperfection. And there is power in that.
   .
9. I don’t deserve it: What don’t you deserve? Money, respect, kindness, success? Somewhere along the line this notion of “deserving” got attached to personal qualities. Quite frankly, it’s a little screwed up. You deserve “it” only if you work hard, are good enough, smart enough, perfect enough, beautiful enough…. Maybe you deserve it because you “earned” whatever IT is. And who decides if you are worthy enough to deserve anything? And guess what. Your ego buys into this hook line and sinker — because here’s a great way to keep you small, and safe. “You don’t deserve it anyway. You were a crappy You’ll never amount to anything. You didn’t get the grades. You didn’t win the medal.” I mean really…. Who makes this stuff up? You are deserving. Since the day you were born. Of everything you’ve ever wanted. Guilt free. No paybacks necessary. (except when you’re inspired to pay it forward –which usually comes from a person who believes that everyone is deserving…and that’s a whole ‘nother beautiful story.)
   .
10. I’m not lucky: If you say so, then you’re right. If you’re not lucky… you get to hang out in the sad camp of the “unlucky ones”. Life just doesn’t serve up the good stuff to you. You know I’m the mother of 4 kids because I’ve got The Little Mermaids, Poor Unfortunate Souls song ringing through my head right now! Success only happens to the lucky, right? What then would inspire your ego to take the leap, ever? Because you’re not one of the lucky ones, your just doomed? Sounds like a pretty safe comfy place to be. Sounds like there’s no risk here. So, if you can relate just a little too much, check this belief. Listen — you create your own luck, and it starts with your attitude and inner conversation. Luck is combination of strategy and consistency and skill and mindset and conscious creation. Say this instead — “I create my own luck.”
    .
11. I’ll start tomorrow (or will start again or someday): If you are the king or queen of “I’ll start that XYZ project/program/goal tomorrow….” and it never happens…. you’re not alone. It’s yet another sneaky lie that you’re ego tells to keep you flying under your own BS radar…. And playing small. I say stop “starting”. And just be in motion, keeping promises to yourself and forgiving yourself when you don’t. “I’ll start tomorrow” is a mental loophole that offers your ego EASE (feel that? “Yes, I’m still going for it! I’m so doing this! Starting tomorrow!”) but happily keeps you in the same place…day after day after day….because you’ve always got tomorrow. Never “start”, and never wait to begin. Just simply continue from where you are, right now. Doing it better. Trying new things. Loving the journey.
    .
12. I just don’t have what it takes: So this. It’s a thing that people say when someone didn’t make it. “She didn’t have what it takes… poor thing.” Or from a place of righteousness… “He didn’t have what it takes. He’s not the best of the best.” Right? What’s the “what it takes” recipe anyway? Who makes that up? Who’s the expert? I can tell you — “what it takes” is not the same for everyone. And when you hide behind this egoic lie before you’ve even tried — well that’s just fear of failure. Before you believe it — question it. And then try this on for size… “I don’t know what it takes, and I can’t wait to find out.”
    .
13. It’s not the right time: I’ll tell you this…. It’s never going to feel like the right time to do something scary. To step outside your comfort zone. To CHANGE. Your ego will HIGHLY suggest you don’t… and “it’s just not right time” is a perfect chant to keep you from harm’s way. That cleanse you’ve been thinking about doing? I’m sure there’s a better time to get healthy. That business you want to launch? You’ve got too much going on to become wealthy +free. (again, wink! I like a little sarcasm don’t you?) Look — there will be a thousand reasons why NOW isn’t right… I get it. But don’t let this be the one that snuck up and bit you, and kept you from really creating the life you wanna live. My brother Josh would say, “When’s the best time to plant a tree?” Me: NOW. Him: 20 years ago. Ahhhh! I was a sucker and didn’t see that one coming. He’s right. Live in the now so you don’t look back and wished you woulda.
    .
14. I need to win the lottery: Ok… let me have a little chat with your ego before I go here… if you want to win the lotto, ok. No problem. You get to want what you want, of course. Let’s just be open to the power within for a moment, shall we? The thing inside of you that says, “I just need to win the lottery” just might be attached to a feeling of powerlessness and scarcity, because you don’t believe you can create or make a lot of money. And here’s the other kicker… the belief that you might win is all well and good — BUT it could keep you from creating your own financial wins…which requires getting into the mindset and action. I’m pretty sure with the right tools, the right opportunity, and the right coach you can hit your jackpot. Your odds of “winning” will increase big time by the way.
    .
15. I’m not responsible: Look, life doesn’t just happen TO you. You really are the artist, the creator + the inventor of your life and reality. I believe in a 100% responsibility model that says — I’m responsible for my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly as they say. To not take responsibility is give away your power. You’re ego will be comfortable, however. Because there is no challenge or change here. Because it’s easy to be a victim of life, versus the one who has to take responsibility for any perceived failure. And noticed I say perceived failure… in truth there IS none.
    .
16. I don’t know how: It was my last year of my Masters program and I had to fulfill a few electives. I chose Personal Development. (imagine that) We sat around an intimate table while my professor rolled out the expectations… he talked about vulnerability, and expression and trust. Then he started talking about the wave of the future. He talked about the world wide web. He said EMAIL would be the new norm. What is this? Personal Development or Star Trek? He expected us to stretch ourselves… and send EMAIL. I was like… SCOFF. I’m not doing that. I don’t wanna. This is ridiculous. I’ll never use this in my whole career. And to make matters worse…. I don’t know how. I remember scooting myself down to the college computer lab at least 5x to fulfill my requirements…. It’s safe to say that today, I know how to send email. I know how. But here’s the thing… my ego created a huge storm back then because she liked the status quo. Poor Dr. Ray. I should really apologize for being so difficult If not knowing how is your ego’s story… time to learn baby!
    .
17. I can’t afford it. THIS is the mother of all. If your ego is freaking out over anything… “I can’t afford it” to the rescue. It’s reliable as hell. Can get you out of almost any tight situation, right? And before you start pulling out your bank statements to prove your lack of wealth, know that I’m much more concerned about your the beliefs you hold, and the lies you tell yourself. I want you to stand in your power. Right now in this red hot moment you might not have an extra $5000 to invest in your business…. And you MIGHT say, “I can’t afford it”. But here’s the question, could you create it to afford what you want? YES.Stop saying you “can’t afford it” to yourself… and stop spewing that into the world. Truth is — you CAN afford it. You are working on affording it. You are clever and creative and WILL afford it. And I don’t care if it’s a huge business investment or you want to get healthy, or buy a new car, or grab that sexy new pair of heels (or berks). You CAN afford it. Empower your life and language with that and funny things happen… you might find yourself affording it.

So I hope you enjoyed these 19 LIES.
Sneaky little buggers, aren’t they?

Which one or two or three of these resonate with you the most?

Here’s some final words for you….

You SPEAK and THINK you’re life into existence.
If these words are floating through your brain and out your mouth – CHECK them.

Truth is — you can have the life you want.
The sooner you clean up these lies, the sooner and more effortlessly you’ll meet your goals and dreams.

 

[Ren]

Hmm... ISFJ second most narcissistic after ESTP? Nah. Unhealthy ones perhaps. Most healthy ISFJs I know are basically the least narcissistic people ever lol.

I feel like INFJ should be more around the middle of the triangle. A fair but not excessive dose of machiavellian, narcissistic and psychopathic

 

[Deleted member 16771]

(What are your thoughts on this bit of prose below??)

Looks like some people are playing different games to me. If your external game is more important than your internal one, your priorities are fucked to be quite honest.

Also here again Kant's categorical imperative seems to ring true, since the pattern of historical development has generally been towards less corruption and more stability. People like stability and abhor corruption. That's the 'cold hard reality'. Silly.

Hmm... ISFJ second most narcissistic after ESTP? Nah. Unhealthy ones perhaps. Most healthy ISFJs I know are basically the least narcissistic people ever lol.

I feel like INFJ should be more around the middle of the triangle. A fair but not excessive dose of machiavellian, narcissistic and psychopathic

Hmm, I'm sorry to play this card, but... I don't think there's a correlation between type and personality disorders. Actually, I bet there will be, but it's totally different to that and statistically insignificant in any case. For instance, based on big 5.correlates with NPD, the 'most narcissistic' type should be ESTP, but it looks like they got that right.

 

[Asa]

Oh, @Skarekrow, I wish I could take it all away. Your doctor sucks. I know this is a question you've already answered personally, but can you find a new one?

I'm stealing some of the stuff you've posted. LOL.

 

[Sandie33]

(What are your thoughts on this bit of prose

?)

Hmm, this certianly does get one to thinking. I may sound AAF, but, putting this in personal perspective, I don't lose.

The great thing about realization that this is all I have and I look at it all with gratitude. Accepting my lot in life, all outer things that is, and being greatful for what I have and not bothered by what I don't have. The one known fact for me is, they can't get inside unless I let 'em. They change the rules, the game, the outcome...I keep the same strategy, acceptance. Yep, I get frustrated because there is no material win for me, nor the average citizen either, but then again, I'm not average Feedback from the others and usually said with hate on their tongue is "I can't win with you Sandie." My reply is consistently, "Then stop fucking playing."

With all the crap I've experienced in this life, it gets weighed out with the understanding of the blessings contained within...within the experience and my reaction to them, and they're all blessings.

Without the strife I would not have known my inner strength.

As far as them, out there in the world, they can have it. I'll be content on my own little empire of dirt. They can scrap and fight for more, more, more. Greed may get them piles of money and treasure...but, they can't take it beyond the grave. Even if they trusted another human to bury or burn their treasures with them, where they are going material matters don't matter. Take the Egyptians for instance. With all their knowledge of an after life, embalming/body preservation, magical potions, incantations, prayers and priests, they did not keep their treasures...the grave robbers, looters and paleontologists have though. Because they could not take it beyond into the ethers with them.

How many a materially rich man must be locked into the otherside screaming "that sob has my x-ity-xxx!"
Greed, I believe, does follow one into the ethers, as does the beauty of love. It's all about choice.

The riches of character, integrity, love and compassion are indeed more precious than all the earthly treasures of gold. So I say let them---let them play their games, change the rules to suit themselves, bleed greed all over the damn place---I'll continue on, in my peace of knowing I played my game, my way, and I won.

Game over. ❤ ♡

 

[Skarekrow]

Hmm... ISFJ second most narcissistic after ESTP? Nah. Unhealthy ones perhaps. Most healthy ISFJs I know are basically the least narcissistic people ever lol.

I feel like INFJ should be more around the middle of the triangle. A fair but not excessive dose of machiavellian, narcissistic and psychopathic

I’ve seen several different versions that people have rearranged to various degrees.
I am not sure that there is anything to do with psychopathy for instance...perhaps you me and @Deleted member 16771 should redo it ourselves?

Looks like some people are playing different games to me. If your external game is more important than your internal one, your priorities are fucked to be quite honest.

Also here again Kant's categorical imperative seems to ring true, since the pattern of historical development has generally been towards less corruption and more stability. People like stability and abhor corruption. That's the 'cold hard reality'. Silly.



Hmm, I'm sorry to play this card, but... I don't think there's a correlation between type and personality disorders. Actually, I bet there will be, but it's totally different to that and statistically insignificant in any case. For instance, based on big 5.correlates with NPD, the 'most narcissistic' type should be ESTP, but it looks like they got that right.

I have always liked Kant.
Yeah, it’s not the usual type quote I post but I found it interesting nonetheless, and it resonated with my teenage punk rock brain from long ago...stick it to man!
lol

I agree that mental illness probably doesn’t preclude certain types, but that more are prone to certain behaviors that lead to them perhaps?

Oh, @Skarekrow, I wish I could take it all away. Your doctor sucks. I know this is a question you've already answered personally, but can you find a new one?

I'm stealing some of the stuff you've posted. LOL.

It would really be pointless to switch at this point as now I have her FULL attention as a doctor...something people rarely get in all honesty!
lol
Thanks for your kind words and thoughts...what she did and how she behaved did suck - and the random survey sent in my email by that clinic got more than what they bargained for when they asked my opinion of that Provider.
Anyhow...AS is so difficult to diagnose that whenever anyone has symptoms that don’t fit perfectly in line with what little they do know, they start to question the diagnosis itself - which if you are a competent caring doctor should not change your treatment of a person coming to you for medical help.
All she had to do was look at my past X-rays...the fact the the biologic meds DID work for many years and relieved my pain should be the biggest clue that it is something rheumatologic in nature and any mechanical pain that exists now is because of the damage done by the arthritis.
I haven’t been in any accidents that injured my back or hips.
You are more than welcome to take any info you want - I have a lot more if you need it, let me know what?!
I won’t be seeing her anytime soon now anyway...it’s clear that all she has to offer is going back on the biologic meds.
And most docs actually make money getting kick backs for prescribing more expensive drugs under the guise of - medical research consulting.

"It's illegal to give kickbacks to a doctor to prescribe drugs, but it is legal to give money to doctors to help promote your drug. Some doctors make tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands of dollars a year beyond their normal practice just for working with the industry.”

ProPublica has a tool called Dollars for Docs that has a search tool that purports to show whether your health professional received drug company money.

Thank again!

Hmm, this certianly does get one to thinking. I may sound AAF, but, putting this in personal perspective, I don't lose.

The great thing about realization that this is all I have and I look at it all with gratitude. Accepting my lot in life, all outer things that is, and being greatful for what I have and not bothered by what I don't have. The one known fact for me is, they can't get inside unless I let 'em. They change the rules, the game, the outcome...I keep the same strategy, acceptance. Yep, I get frustrated because there is no material win for me, nor the average citizen either, but then again, I'm not average Feedback from the others and usually said with hate on their tongue is "I can't win with you Sandie." My reply is consistently, "Then stop fucking playing."

With all the crap I've experienced in this life, it gets weighed out with the understanding of the blessings contained within...within the experience and my reaction to them, and they're all blessings.

Without the strife I would not have known my inner strength.

As far as them, out there in the world, they can have it. I'll be content on my own little empire of dirt. They can scrap and fight for more, more, more. Greed may get them piles of money and treasure...but, they can't take it beyond the grave. Even if they trusted another human to bury or burn their treasures with them, where they are going material matters don't matter. Take the Egyptians for instance. With all their knowledge of an after life, embalming/body preservation, magical potions, incantations, prayers and priests, they did not keep their treasures...the grave robbers, looters and paleontologists have though. Because they could not take it beyond into the ethers with them.

How many a materially rich man must be locked into the otherside screaming "that sob has my x-ity-xxx!"
Greed, I believe, does follow one into the ethers, as does the beauty of love. It's all about choice.

The riches of character, integrity, love and compassion are indeed more precious than all the earthly treasures of gold. So I say let them---let them play their games, change the rules to suit themselves, bleed greed all over the damn place---I'll continue on, in my peace of knowing I played my game, my way, and I won.

Game over. ❤ ♡

That’s a great and positive way of looking at it all, thanks Sandie...you are always very good at that!
I very much agree with your overall sentiment!
Yes...I have been very much beyond playing games for some time.

Hope you are well, much love!

 

[Skarekrow]

Spoiler: Some laughs and some thinks....

 

[Skarekrow]

Spoiler: More things...

 

[Skarekrow]

Spoiler: Last two...

 

[Sandie33]

That’s a great and positive way of looking at it all, thanks Sandie...you are always very good at that!
I very much agree with your overall sentiment!
Yes...I have been very much beyond playing games for some time.
:3white::3white::3white:
Hope you are well, much love!

Thank you Skarekrow
Hanging in here, hoping you all are there too.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

All great stuff, man!

 

[Skarekrow]

Mr. Mistoffelees
by T. S. Eliot


You ought to know Mr. Mistoffelees!
The Original Conjuring Cat--
(There can be no doubt about that).
Please listen to me and don't scoff.
All his Inventions are off his own bat.
There's no such Cat in the metropolis;
He holds all the patent monopolies
For performing suprising illusions
And creating eccentric confusions.
At prestidigitation
And at legerdemain
He'll defy examination
And deceive you again.
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffelees' Conjuring Turn.
Presto!
Away we go!
And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

He is quiet and small, he is black
From his ears to the tip of his tail;
He can creep through the tiniest crack,
He can walk on the narrowest rail.
He can pick any card from a pack,
He is equally cunning with dice;
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice.
He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish-paste;
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it is merely misplaced--
You have seen it one moment, and then it is gawn!
But you'll find it next week lying out on the lawn.

And we all say: OH!
Well I never!
Was there ever
A Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

His manner is vague and aloof,
You would think there was nobody shyer--
But his voice has been heard on the roof
When he was curled up by the fire.
And he's sometimes been heard by the fire
When he was about on the roof--
(At least we all heard that somebody purred)
Which is incontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers:
And I have known the family to call
Him in from the garden for hours,
While he was asleep in the hall.
And not long ago this phenomenal Cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!
And we all said: OH!
Well I never!
Did you ever
Know a Cat so clever
As Magical Mr. Mistoffelees!



​

 

[Kgal]

Though “aliens” aren’t discussed in this thread much...
UFO’s and the “paranormal" do occasionally pop up on legit radar from legit sources.
Enjoy!

CIA releases 13m pages of declassified documents online

The documents include records of UFO sightings​

About 13 million pages of declassified documents from the US Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) have been released online.

The records include UFO sightings and psychic experiments from the Stargate programme, which has long been of interest to conspiracy theorists.

The move came after lengthy efforts from freedom of information advocates and a lawsuit against the CIA.

The full archive is made up of almost 800,000 files.

They had previously only been accessible at the National Archives in Maryland.

The trove includes the papers of Henry Kissinger, who served as secretary of state under presidents Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford, as well as several hundred thousand pages of intelligence analysis and science research and development.

Among the more unusual records are documents from the Stargate Project, which dealt with psychic powers and extrasensory perception.

Those include records of testing on celebrity psychic Uri Geller in 1973, when he was already a well-established performer.

Memos detail how Mr Geller was able to partly replicate pictures drawn in another room with varying - but sometimes precise - accuracy, leading the researchers to write that he "demonstrated his paranormal perceptual ability in a convincing and unambiguous manner".

One set of documents details results of psychic tests on Uri Geller, where he attempted to copy drawings made by researchers from within a sealed room

Other unusual records include a collection of reports on flying saucers, and the recipes for invisible ink.

While much of the information has been technically publicly available since the mid-1990s, it has been very difficult to access.

The records were only available on four physical computers located in the back of a library at the National Archives in Maryland, between 09:00 and 16:30 each day.

A non-profit freedom of information group, MuckRock, sued the CIA to force it to upload the collection, in a process which took more than two years.

At the same time, journalist Mike Best crowd-funded more than $15,000 to visit the archives to print out and then publicly upload the records, one by one, to apply pressure to the CIA.

"By printing out and scanning the documents at CIA expense, I was able to begin making them freely available to the public and to give the agency a financial incentive to simply put the database online," Best wrote in a blog post.

In November, the CIA announced it would publish the material, and the entire declassified CREST archive is now available on the CIA Library website.

Link - https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/collection/crest-25-year-program-archive



​

My ET entourage loves you for publishing this information!!!

 

[Skarekrow]

My ET entourage loves you for publishing this information!!!

I have much more if you want...you only have to ask me...



(Find you some good ET links!)

 

[Skarekrow]

​