Steppencat
Newbie
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
I'm at university, and I have been for about three and a half years now, and all that time I have been living with other people in housemate or flatmate situations for about half of every year (the uni term times in the UK). In that sense, my 'home' at university has not really been my sanctuary or comfort zone because there have always been other people around to make me feel a greater or lesser degree of social awkwardness or anxiety. (I have suffered from pretty severe social anxiety, much more so in the past than now - and it's a great relief to see that I'm not the only social avoidant/anxious person here haha). As a result of this I think, most of the time I've been at university I have often spent most of my time studying on campus, simply because I can be in my own space there and generally not have to worry about interacting with people. But it's been a strange situation, never completely having personal space in which I can be completely myself and kind of hide from the world to immerse myself in my interests and recharge my introvert batteries, and I have periodically gotten into a kind of state of nervous exhaustion from this, where I just become really frustrated and tense and overstretched (though I almost never express my frustration to other people, except for people I confide in, like my mum), and I have had to just go home where I can spend long hours everyday walking in the woods, which are my true spiritual home haha.
Before I went to university I suffered a nervous breakdown, and for several years was living at home (with my mum and stepdad) trying to piece my personality back together and deal with daily attacks of profound existential dread, and I became incredibly socially paranoid and anxious, and any person I didn't know or was unaccustomed to coming into my space would seriously freak me out, I would have an anxiety attack whenever I heard a knock on the door. One time another guy who also suffered from social anxiety (my uncle is psychotherapist and he was one of his patients), came to stay with us, and I was in a state of terror for about a week beforehand.
Now I am much more used to people, although I often just feel a physical need to avoid people. I really look forward to (hopefully) being able to live in my own flat later on, because I feel that not having my own personal sanctuary is often very frustrating for me. But I do know that I have avoidant tendencies and am wary of letting them take over too much, because I do not want to become neurotic and isolated again. With regard to unexpected guests, I have a really hard time doing anything that might be perceived as rude or a rejection. I think that you have the right not to allow people to impose on you, especially when they turn it into a consistent pattern and have a manipulative or self-centred agenda, or do not consider your needs for personal space and so on. But equally, I do not think it is right to reject people outright as not worthy of your time. I would hate to hurt anyone, and I am often careful of other people's feelings to an extent that may not even be justified.
Also, I should say, in case I have given an unbalanced image of myself, that I often really enjoy the company of other people, and conversation, and I can be a very friendly and chatty person. Even funny. I just seem to have both sides to my personality, and can come across very differently in different situations, and my emotional and mental state fluctuates continually.
Before I went to university I suffered a nervous breakdown, and for several years was living at home (with my mum and stepdad) trying to piece my personality back together and deal with daily attacks of profound existential dread, and I became incredibly socially paranoid and anxious, and any person I didn't know or was unaccustomed to coming into my space would seriously freak me out, I would have an anxiety attack whenever I heard a knock on the door. One time another guy who also suffered from social anxiety (my uncle is psychotherapist and he was one of his patients), came to stay with us, and I was in a state of terror for about a week beforehand.
Now I am much more used to people, although I often just feel a physical need to avoid people. I really look forward to (hopefully) being able to live in my own flat later on, because I feel that not having my own personal sanctuary is often very frustrating for me. But I do know that I have avoidant tendencies and am wary of letting them take over too much, because I do not want to become neurotic and isolated again. With regard to unexpected guests, I have a really hard time doing anything that might be perceived as rude or a rejection. I think that you have the right not to allow people to impose on you, especially when they turn it into a consistent pattern and have a manipulative or self-centred agenda, or do not consider your needs for personal space and so on. But equally, I do not think it is right to reject people outright as not worthy of your time. I would hate to hurt anyone, and I am often careful of other people's feelings to an extent that may not even be justified.
Also, I should say, in case I have given an unbalanced image of myself, that I often really enjoy the company of other people, and conversation, and I can be a very friendly and chatty person. Even funny. I just seem to have both sides to my personality, and can come across very differently in different situations, and my emotional and mental state fluctuates continually.
