I am reminded of the story told by my Abnormal Psychology professor, about two identical twins. One twin grew up to be an international jewel thief. The other grew up to be a detective in Interpol. Biology is always there, dealing out the cards. But how you play the hand is up to you.
I just want to add to GracieRuth's point here.
I hear a lot of parents who are deeply convinced that their children are reflections of themselves or that they are great people because of how they were raised, that the morals taught and the way you treat them will shape their view of reality, and perhaps the genetic role of the parent's genepool. I see these parents' moods rise and fall. If their children are doing well in school, they are happy. If their children fail, their mood plummets, they are depressed, they do not feel like they are good parents because of the performance of their CHILDREN.
This is such a terrible point of view, a terrible reason to have children, and a toxic unhealthy attitude that will eventually lead to a person emotionally and mentally killing themselves over. Children are NOT reflections of their parents. No matter how well you teach a child, they are going to be their own person and grow and react the way that they see fit. Just because your child does well, it bears no meaning on who you are as a person. I've known crackhead parents who had children that were A+ students and some of the politest people ever, but their parents sucked, I would never want to meet people like that. I've also known people who gave the world to their children and they acted out, misbehaved, committed crimes and ended up in jail and the parents were devastated because they couldn't understand what they did.
The reason children became co-dependent is because parents are soo keen on their kids doing well that they meet every need, because if their child fails, they fail, because they measure their worth by their children. On the flip side, parents may be so keen on having good kids that they're the type that ram their beliefs down your throat and will do things to 'make sure' you believe the right things and do the right things, which is extremely unhealthy and harmful for both parties especially when they end up having a difference of opinion, the child is suffocation from their belief and right to think uniquely and the parent is brought to a place of shame because they feel 'betrayed' by their own flesh and blood.
It's a very unhealthy way to live and think.
Unfortunately it 's how most people live and think.
It's got to change.
) and gets the Darwin award (and it doesn't exclude them automatically from the left brain rationalization phenomenon). All this makes a discussion on this topic of little value, since the true underlying reasons for our decisions are never discussed.
