Wow, very complicated post and situation. First off, let me start by saying your are an INFJ for certain. You're post screams it. You seem to have some doubt here--don't. Knowing this, try to use the MBTI profiles and tools for self-realization. It can't hurt and can only help.
You are struggling with a few major things right now, but they all lead back to that really big one that drives all we INFJ's--love. Love of others (your mom, Sydnee) and love of yourself. My first big question here is: Have you had some heart to heart conversations with your mother? Have you told her all the things you put out there in your post? If you've been in threapy that long, I'm sure this has come up. If you haven't made a really strong effort to resolve the issues with your mom, you need to do so. Without some kind of resolution there, you'll never be able to move on and love the most important person in your life--yourself. Even if you can't get her to say what you need her to (like I'm sorry or I love you) the process of getting all that out and telling her will have some healing effects I promise you. You should try to "type" her. It would bring additional understanding; help in your trying to relate to her. The forum would help with this if you can't do it yourself.
As far as your relationship to/with Sydnee, you are on very dangerous ground here. You have set yourself up for a fall here I'm feeling. It also sounds to me like she has not kept the boundries between patiant and threapist as firm as she should have. You are not to blame here if that is the case. She is the one who should be in control and setting boundries. You obviously feel a very strong emotional attachement to her. You want her love unconditionally, and see the money as a condition. My advice to you on this will be hard to hear, but I hope you listen with your mind as well as your heart. Lay it out for her. Tell her she's allowed the relationship to cross over well beyond patiant/threapist. Tell her exactly how you feel the realtionship should be. If she disagrees and still wants to listen to you for money only, then walk away. Shame on her for letting this happen. If it truely is a friendship, she will take your hand. If it's not, it's better you move on.
And for the last, and most impotant, your self-image and identity: that's the toughest of all. You are constantly trying to define yourself by those around you. How they treat you and how you relate to them. You seem to be aware of this, which is a great first step. Move beyond that step. Try to take some control of your feelings in this. Resolution with your mom will help a lot I think. I think you need to go against some of your inner urges to help, be kind, and always attach yourself to someone. Put yourself first for a while.
I know that last one (attaching to someone) too well. Feeling lonely is the worst for us INFJ's. We feel deeply and need connections. But time apart from others for self-reflection is important to us to. Don't lessen your important in your own eyes because of your role in relationships. I have always been the sidekick, the conselor, the confidant, etc. It used to really bother me. Now I cherish the role. I love being the unseen force that drives things, the one who others go to when they need the really tough questions answered. Define what role you want to be, and are comfortable with in life, then love it. And Love youself. You can do it Emily. Stay strong........
