negative aspects of the INFJ

magister343 said:
Yeah, my confirmed INFJ friend says I should leave a message so that she'll remember to get back to me, but I'm not really comfortable doing so unless I have something very specific to convey. Normally I just want to talk or have a lot of little low priority things I'd like to discuss, so I just hang up.


Today is the first day in about a month that she actually picked up. We had a nice conversation for about 40 minutes, although punctuated by her accidentally hanging up twice and putting the phone on mute for a little while. We discussed:

  • school work, some of hers but mostly the projects I have to complete in the next few weeks in order to graduate next month
  • the trivia night I decided to go to a couple hours after the call
  • her professional fraternity's recent events
  • why her frat calls all members Brothers despite most of them being female
  • things going on with my family's church
  • the fact that sharks do in deed get cancer and their cartilage has not been shown to treat the disease despite containing a chemical that inhibits angiogenesis and makes them less prone to tumors than other fish, and how adamant one of her professors was about stressing this point
  • how her mother has been seriously guilt tripping her about her decision to leave early from their family Christmas vacation in Florida in order to visit her boyfriend's parents, whom she hasn't seen in almost 4 years, in England the week after Christmas (and how one means she used to do this was commenting on her daughter's facebook status about shark cancer with the claim that cancer is caused by the sadness of having your children abandon you during the family vacations)
  • whether there is any point to voting
  • how annoying people are who try to pressure others into voting for the sake of voting
  • how I voted in the last election (mostly 3rd parties and write-ins)
  • the problems with our state's voting machines, such as the fact that they erase close to 1% of the votes, and the fact that only the libertarian candidate for secretary of state thought that that was a big deal
  • a little about how much better range voting is than the first past the post system.



I still haven't heard anything in a while from my strongly suspected INFJ friend who moved back to Chicago on the first of last month. I haven't tried emailing her since a couple weeks before that though. She responded to my first email at the beginning of September when I tried asking her out (with a compliment at how maturely I had expressed myself, a gentle but clear rejection, and the information that she was not staying in town much longer), but not my gracious acceptance and request to keep in touch and remain friends. The one time I saw her after that things seemed quite normal and casually friendly, but I again got no response when I sent one more email wishing her well and asking to be kept informed and told when she was leaving so I could say goodbye. She never told me when or where she was going; I learned that only from someone's comment on a facebook photo album. After I said in the MyType application that I thought that the INFJ description fit her and it got posted to her wall her wall became hidden to me, leaving my knowledge of her life in the past 5 weeks limited to her occasional tweets and one short blog entry about the stress and frustration of studying for the LSAT. I've been wondering a lot lately whether I should try emailing her again or just assume she doesn't want to keep in contact. Edit: Damn. She just protected her tweets, so I can't get updates that way anymore. There was a blog entry last night but it was just sharing a music video, no info on her recent life.
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Oh gawd, if there's one thing I hate doing is talking on the phone for long periods of time.

It's like... being TRAPPED in a social spot with no way to take a break, no way to actually see the face/body motions of the person talking to, doing things with them (I'm a very socially physical person... not in the "HUG" sense but that when I am being social with someone I don't just like to sit back and talk if I am in the social mood), etc.

I've always felt uncomfortable talking over the phone for long periods. I can talk online easily, but the phone is this weird uncanny valley for me. And my mom wants to do it ALL the damn time despite me having bad relations with her and me having limited minutes.

EDIT: Also, she isn't interested in pursueing a meaningful relationship with you, and INFJ's can be very all or nothing when it comes to friends (no half-weird friendzone friendships or anything). The fact that you are trying to essentially stalk her is probably freaking her out and she's blocking you.

On the friend thing I should say I do have casual friends but if they disappeared without a notice I wouldn't really mind too much. Casual friends would be people I enjoy being around with others for things but can't see myself chatting with them online or wanting to hang out with unless it was a group situation or there was something going on that I would be interested in and was invited to help/do.
 
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We live in the future, thus we miss the present. (that's what my signature is about... The days spent dreaming turn into dreams themselves)
 
Royal said:
Feeling bad for absolutely everything
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this.


I tend to be hypersensitive to other people's emotions. When two people have a conflict and hurt each other I feel empathy for both of them, then I feel guilty and confused (i try to find someone/something to blame for the conflict, and if I blame one person, I feel guilty because I still feel empathy for them and I just get so horribly confused) I with draw from people and get bitchy, or act oblivious to the problem if I can't withdraw because it's so complex and involved that I can't handle it.
 
NuthatchXi said:
So many of these are painfully familiar...and I can't even tell you why I don't respond to emails sometimes. :rolleyes:

How about being deceptive to make people feel better or to avoid awkwardness? Not lying. Just...oh, like, if someone's really enjoying telling me a story I've already heard, I'll pretend that I've never heard it because I don't have the heart to interrupt the,. Or...I'm hyperaware of where people are around me, so I'll pretend not to notice them (if they don't see me) because it's awkward to always be the one who says hi. Anyone relate? Or, if I've run into someone I don't know well several times already, I'll deliberately change my path just so that we don't have another, "Hi." "...Hi." moment. :( It's awful.
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I know you posted this a while ago, but I just wanted to say I do every single one of the things you mentioned. It's almost uncanny how well you described me! It gets really awkward when someone's in the middle of one of those stories I've heard before and they realize that they've already told me...they always say something like "Why didn't you stop me?" and then I feel bad for trying not to make them feel bad.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who does the same thing in awkward situations. :p
 
My worst side or negative side of being an INFJ is when i externalize my ego centeredness on others. Hence when i am critical or angry at someone i always end up realizing that i am angry and critical of myself and it is only being projected into an external source.

I am also very sensitive when irritated or frustrated and have a hard time verbalizing my issue to others during that time. Like a crab, i go into a shell. It is quite unhealthy way to express negative emotions.:m142:
 
I must say that you assume too much sometimes. I am INTJ and there's not much between the lines.
 
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We are fine sometimes, and othertimes we are not.
 
you either care too much or not at all. Prone to deep depression. Awkwardness in most normal social situations, twinned with sparking arguements which you don't have the slightist interest in. Other than that i have alot of positives.
 
o_q said:
We're pointing out what's not fine.
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Your disrupting me, your not fine. Your my negative aspect effecting my emotions. Please go away.

I joke. It was really funny right...?


My personal negative aspects.

Mood swings.
Negative thinking without optimism. (sometimes)
Really bad at explaining, so people can be confuzzled by my words. Not sure if that's a typical INFJ thing.
 
Ah where do I begin...


Manipulative: Don't try to deny it. We love guilt-tripping others to get our way and we're bloody good at it.

Mean/Bitchy: This comes up when we're being passively angry. Leave it to an INFJ to rip the other person to shreds by attacking the softest spot (that our Ni can see from a mile apart).

Using people as objects: When we're too deprived of Fe, we compensate for it by being extra nice and helpful, especially to people who are not particularly close to us. However, as soon as we get our fill, we move on, leaving those we helped confused and hurt as they probably interpreted our niceness as an offer of friendship.

Self-absorbed: You know it. Everything we do, our martyrdom, our heroism, our altruism (doesn't exist in INFJs, but that's another topic) is for ourselves. Not for anyone else.

Irrational: This is something that less mature INFJs do. When our Ni fails, we take an inaccurate Se judgment and run with it, hurting a million people in the process.


And then there's the self-destructive behavior...

Over-indulgence: INFJ's idea of a punishment.

Tunnel-vision/Over-analytical: When our Ni fails, we start wondering what went wrong and use our Ti to deconstruct the situation piece by piece and focus on a thousand tiny details that are irrelevant to the bigger picture. We keep doing this until someone comes in and kicks us in the shins (ideally, an ENFJ) and makes us see the important bits.

Batshit Insane: If you ever meet an INFJ with a stronger Ti than Fe... RUN. Run as fast as you can. And lock your doors and windows when you get home.


I can go on...
 
Free Mind said:
Really bad at explaining, so people can be confuzzled by my words. Not sure if that's a typical INFJ thing.
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I have that exact same issue, especially at work. My field is saturated with sensors and it is incredibly difficult to explain anything to them, especially if they are too stubborn to intuit at all.
 
Arsal said:
Ah where do I begin...


Manipulative: Don't try to deny it. We love guilt-tripping others to get our way and we're bloody good at it.

Mean/Bitchy: This comes up when we're being passively angry. Leave it to an INFJ to rip the other person to shreds by attacking the softest spot (that our Ni can see from a mile apart).

Using people as objects: When we're too deprived of Fe, we compensate for it by being extra nice and helpful, especially to people who are not particularly close to us. However, as soon as we get our fill, we move on, leaving those we helped confused and hurt as they probably interpreted our niceness as an offer of friendship.

Self-absorbed: You know it. Everything we do, our martyrdom, our heroism, our altruism (doesn't exist in INFJs, but that's another topic) is for ourselves. Not for anyone else.

Irrational: This is something that less mature INFJs do. When our Ni fails, we take an inaccurate Se judgment and run with it, hurting a million people in the process.


And then there's the self-destructive behavior...

Over-indulgence: INFJ's idea of a punishment.

Tunnel-vision/Over-analytical: When our Ni fails, we start wondering what went wrong and use our Ti to deconstruct the situation piece by piece and focus on a thousand tiny details that are irrelevant to the bigger picture. We keep doing this until someone comes in and kicks us in the shins (ideally, an ENFJ) and makes us see the important bits.

Batshit Insane: If you ever meet an INFJ with a stronger Ti than Fe... RUN. Run as fast as you can. And lock your doors and windows when you get home.


I can go on...
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Agreed on all points (for an unhealthy/unhappy INFJ). I'm still trying to learn about the last point, however. There doesnt seem to be too much exposition on Ni-Ti loops 'round these parts.
 
Zero Angel said:
Agreed on all points (for an unhealthy/unhappy INFJ). I'm still trying to learn about the last point, however. There doesnt seem to be too much exposition on Ni-Ti loops 'round these parts.
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I really would also like to hear about this...

I can only go from my own experiences...

-depressive, or having a tendency to be depressive
-shifting from one emotional extreme to the other (being deeply emotional and sensitive to not emotional at all)
-usually not caring about other people or interpersonal relationships at all
-being self-destructive because one always perceive he is failing in some way at meeting his expectations for himself. For all the times one is not true to himself. self-loathing

...but I am not sure about my type, so this may not generally apply to INFJs at all.

Billy said:
over-thinking/analyzing
paranoid thoughts
needy / moody at times
colder then they appear
martyrs / self sacrificers / self saboteurs
shitty self esteem usually countered with arrogance to look more confident.
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I found these very interesting, as they are not something I would typically use to describe INFJs (am I being stereotypical, you think?), but they are something I would use to describe myself (I am fairly sure I am INT), save for maybe "needy/moody at times," but, I suppose that depends on what you mean by moody.

I suppose all I really have to say... is if I am INFJ, then my Ti is most likely more developed than my Fe (wait a minute... I don't really use the MBTI system... great. all of these MBTI forums that I am on just confuse me even more...)

Anyway... carry on then, I suppose.
 
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