"Nice girl" personality or stereotype

It appears that I'm always either a nice guy or I'm a jerk, and in either case it is a losing situation.

I have never heard of a nice girl stereotype. I've only ever heard guys complain about girls who wouldn't put out (either sexually or otherwise). They do complain about girls not being exciting enough, and they usually aren't dumb enough to say that sex would automatically make things exciting enough; however, it is implied that sex would make things exciting enough for them.
 
I actually prefer nice girls in a way hahaha
 
The biggest issue I see with treatment of nice girls is that many see them as a challenge. The typical scenario "If I act like the nice guy and slowly gain her trust, maybe I can get to see the wild woman inside":D. They see her as innocent and want to see how they can relieve her of this innocence. They feel it's their job to corrupt her and rob her of this niceness. *facedesk*
 
I hate labels too. There are too many variables with a generality of being "nice." I will admit I'm a nice girl. I've never been a girl men sought out for an easy screw. Rightfully so, I was never that kind of girl. In all of my relationships the men talked about marriage ... not me, but that is also because I looked for "nice guys" to date. Prude and inexperienced? No. Modest and private? Yes.
 
men with this attitude are not worth your time. . nice men like nice girls. .
 
I'm kind of confused about the "nice girl" stereotype...what does the idea of a nice girl stand for in your opinion? Is it just about treating your boyfriend well or more about being generally nice to everyone? Or something else?
 
Korg said:
Agreed.


  • Histrionic behavior like you can't even imagine (hysterical screaming fits, violent tantrums, stalking behavior, etc)
  • Eating disorders
  • Drug and alcohol addictions
  • Psychotic ex boyfriends
  • STD's and high risk sexual behavior
  • History of childhood sexual and/or physical abuse that leads to serious emotional problems
  • Inability to remain monogamous
  • Compulsive lying and manipulation without any sense of remorse
  • Mountains of financial debt that they'll probably be paying off for life
  • Bottomless pits of low self esteem that can never be filled
  • Criminal records
  • Uses abortion as a contraceptive method
  • Poor hygiene
Click to expand...


If I have/use none of the above, am I then automatically considered a nice girl?
 
I think "nice girls" can exhibit a lack of self respect if they are people-pleasers. I've had to learn to stand up for myself around men and not be so kind and giving in my initial interactions with them or else they seem to lose interest. If you're available at the drop of a hat to hang out with a man any time he wants, and you don't care what sort of date he has planned because you're so excited to spend time with him, you're encouraging lazy relationship behavior. What guy wants to be with a girl who will bend over backwards to please him and not stand up to him? It shows you don't value yourself and your own time if you're too "nice." It's funny 'cause when I started developing more of an edge with men - not being afraid to say no, not being so agreeable and gentle, not responding to text messages immediately, being a little sarcastic - I had no problem with guys pursuing me. A book called Why Men Love Bitches helped me to develop more of a backbone around guys, which is apparently attractive even if they don't like the idea of a girl being more assertive and demanding.
 
There's a big difference between nice and shy/fearful/quiet/iwilldoeverythingforyou/etc.

If you really prefer jerks, then either you have an enormous lack of confidence, are masochist or have some kind of fetish for red skin and horns.
 
Okay, I'm going to weigh in on the whole 'bad girl' thing because I think you're oversimplifying.
Korg said:
  • Histrionic behavior like you can't even imagine (hysterical screaming fits, violent tantrums, stalking behavior, etc)
Click to expand...
Yeah. >.> This is more of an 'emotional trigger' thing than a 'bad girl' thing. Guys do the same, in their own way. If you're not willing to learn what is/isn't an emotional trigger for your SO, then you don't deserve to be in a relationship with them. Granted, some people get triggered by some really hard-to-avoid things, so you might be better off with someone else in that case, but learning to respect boundaries so that they don't get like this is part of being a good boyfriend or girlfriend.

I can't comment on stalking behaviour, but I have been pursued in such a way (by a guy) and yeah it's creepy. He was also a really 'nice guy'. So I don't think that's necessarily part of it.
Korg said:
  • Eating disorders
Click to expand...
Ehm... this is just as commonly a nice girl problem as well. Being a doormat doesn't bode well for your constitution.

Korg said:
  • Drug and alcohol addictions
Click to expand...
Okay, this one I grant you.

Korg said:
  • Psychotic ex boyfriends
Click to expand...
This one is not correlated to 'niceness' either, except that the nice girl will have had fewer boyfriends, but we will have had the same level of experience so our judgement isn't likely to be that much better?

Korg said:
  • STD's and high risk sexual behavior
Click to expand...
This one is valid too.

Korg said:
  • History of childhood sexual and/or physical abuse that leads to serious emotional problems
Click to expand...
As opposed to the history of emotional (and possibly sexual/physical) abuse that characterizes people who are excessively accommodating and is much harder to stamp out by getting the police involved?

Sorry, no, I think the nice girls have their share of problems in this category.

Korg said:
  • Inability to remain monogamous
Click to expand...
O.o you think a girl who has trouble saying 'no' is going to suddenly learn to stand up for ... whatever, fine.

Korg said:
  • Compulsive lying and manipulation without any sense of remorse
Click to expand...
Nice girls are just better at hiding it :p

Korg said:
  • Mountains of financial debt that they'll probably be paying off for life
Click to expand...
Ok, granted, but only because a nice girl is more likely to be checking her purchases with you, and more used to being self-sufficient.

Korg said:
  • Bottomless pits of low self esteem that can never be filled
Click to expand...
A nice girl is just less likely to burden you with the fact; self-esteem is just a miserable thing to deal with no matter who you are.

Korg said:
  • Criminal records
Click to expand...
Definitely granted... although why that makes a relationship criterion I'm not sure...

Korg said:
  • Uses abortion as a contraceptive method
Click to expand...
How about "knows how to make her boyfriend use a condom"? :/ Anyway, I don't see how this affects you, the guy.

Korg said:
  • Poor hygiene
Click to expand...
Maybe. I don't know about this one.
 
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Resonance said:
Okay, I'm going to weigh in on the whole 'bad girl' thing because I think you're oversimplifying.
Yeah. >.> This is more of an 'emotional trigger' thing than a 'bad girl' thing. Guys do the same, in their own way. If you're not willing to learn what is/isn't an emotional trigger for your SO, then you don't deserve to be in a relationship with them. Granted, some people get triggered by some really hard-to-avoid things, so you might be better off with someone else in that case, but learning to respect boundaries so that they don't get like this is part of being a good boyfriend or girlfriend.

I can't comment on stalking behaviour, but I have been pursued in such a way (by a guy) and yeah it's creepy. He was also a really 'nice guy'. So I don't think that's necessarily part of it.

Ehm... this is just as commonly a nice girl problem as well. Being a doormat doesn't bode well for your constitution.


Okay, this one I grant you.


This one is not correlated to 'niceness' either, except that the nice girl will have had fewer boyfriends, but she will have had the same level of experience so her judgement isn't likely to be that much better?


This one is valid too.


As opposed to the history of emotional (and possibly sexual/physical) abuse that characterizes people who are excessively accommodating and is much harder to stamp out by getting the police involved?

Sorry, no, I think the nice girls have their share of problems in this category.


O.o you think a girl who has trouble saying 'no' is going to suddenly learn to stand up for ... whatever, fine.


Nice girls are just better at hiding it :p


Ok, granted, but only because a nice girl is more likely to be checking her purchases with you, and more used to being self-sufficient.


A nice girl is just less likely to burden you with the fact; self-esteem is just a miserable thing to deal with no matter who you are.


Definitely granted... although why that makes a relationship criterion I'm not sure...


How about "knows how to make her boyfriend use a condom"? :/ Anyway, I don't see how this affects you, the guy.


Maybe. I don't know about this one.
Click to expand...


i liek ur post
 
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