Nice guy vs Bad Boy

I thought I was a nice guy, then it turned out I was INFJ.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_More_Mr._Nice_Guy_(book)

There's many theories about nice guys and where they come from and what they are. For example, the theories about how the feminists created them, or how the lack of father figures created them, or how the way violence is no longer accepted, or combinations of things that created them.

I read the above book. At first I thought it fit, then I noticed it didn't fit at all. I am not a nice guy. I am an INFJ.


Not sure why I posted this, must be my Ni talking
 
What about a "nice guy" behaving badly? Or a "bad guy" behaving nicely? All that really matters is your own relationship with the individuals you meet. What we have inside has no gender in my book. It's cultural conditioning, habit, custom. The two stereotypes are what they are but singular cases are much more interesting. I have met many men who sleep around chronically and some are very decent multidimensional warm people. Just with sorrows and a relational model that's like an addiction. They are repeating and sometimes working through something. I think we all have some addiction, whatever it be. Conversely there are guys who seem golden on paper but are real misogynists and I'd take the sad gigolo any day over them. ;D but I have a soft spot for old lounge lizards. :)
 
What about the good bad boy? This is guy that takes chances, and flirts with the line. His self esteem is good, but he's not over the top. He gets into trouble sometimes when his gambles fall short. But this is the guy you can depend on in an emergency. This is the guy who is cool in the face of a crisis. This is the one who understand that sometimes in order to help people, rules have to be broken, and noses, and arms.
 
Most people kid themselves that they are "nice" when they are really cowards and passive-aggressive assholes.

Many women who say they want a nice guy but then reject him because a bad boy is far more interesting and dangerous. They will end up the same way. They are bad boys for a reason, and they will eventually treat you badly as well.

Grow up and join the world of mature adults.
 
I think that men are better-off improving themselves and making their own moves instead of constantly worrying about appealing to women.

Seriously, if a man is in-good shape and has his professional-life in order, his "women" problems disappear.

The more powerful, the better.
 
Pin said:
I think that men are better-off improving themselves and making their own moves instead of constantly worrying about appealing to women.

Seriously, if a man is in-good shape and has his professional-life in order, his "women" problems disappear.

The more powerful, the better.
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Basically.

Focus on being a better person, healthy, more successful, bathing regularly, and not being a creep, and you're good.


Same goes for women, really.
 
Another thing that pisses me off, entitlement. You're not entitled to anything in this world! If you want something, chances are you'll have to get off of your lazy-ass once in awhile. Shit, my magic nut isn't going to drop a billion dollars in your hand. You want a billion dollars? Earn it or be lucky as fuck.
 
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Pin said:
Absolutely, the problem with the Western world is that most people are spoiled & lazy.
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That's not "the problem" but you're free to keep right on thinking that if it makes you feel better.

Pin said:
Another thing that pisses me off, entitlement. You're not entitled to anything in this world! If you want something, chances are you'll have to get off of your lazy-ass once in awhile. Shit, my magic nut isn't going to drop a billion dollars in your hand. You want a billion dollars? Earn it or be lucky as fuck.
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Entitlement as a massive societal issue is a myth, and one of the key divide and conquer techniques. Fill working peoples' heads with the idea that there are tens of millions of lazy assholes out there living the good life while you toil away to make it happen.

It's fucking bullshit. The percentage of the population that benefits purely from sitting on its ass and doing nothing is minuscule. For the great majority of Regular People, life is a rat race where the best you can hope for at any given time is to keep just far enough ahead so that your tail doesn't get chewed completely off by the rats giving chase.

Ask the American single mom with a houseful of kids who loses her job and has to scramble to find decent healthcare how "entitled" she is. She doesn't want a billion dollars. She wants some basic sense of security. That is only too much to ask in a society that would rather line the pockets of already absurdly wealthy corporate interests + spend trillions on weapons of mass destruction.
 
@infinite dreams - I see bigger issues with people feeling entitled in the middle class and above. I do see it as a societal issue. People have expectations and life doesn't always meet those expectations.
 
The "nice guy" and the "bad boy" don't translate to opposites in my head, but they're not the same either.

In the context of dating, I think of the stereotypical nice guy as someone who is generally respectful towards the gender(s) he dates, someone who's honest, and someone who has thoughtful intentions. I would describe myself as such and I don't feel like I'm less attractive to others as a result.

I think of the stereotypical bad boy as someone who breaks the rules and gets into trouble, but this doesn't necessarily affect his respect for people or his integrity. I don't define him as someone who treats others like shit. I used to get into trouble a lot, so I feel like I sometimes fall into this category, as well.

It just occurred to me that I'm confused by this thread k
 
infinite dreams said:
That's not "the problem" but you're free to keep right on thinking that if it makes you feel better.



Entitlement as a massive societal issue is a myth, and one of the key divide and conquer techniques. Fill working peoples' heads with the idea that there are tens of millions of lazy assholes out there living the good life while you toil away to make it happen.

It's fucking bullshit. The percentage of the population that benefits purely from sitting on its ass and doing nothing is minuscule. For the great majority of Regular People, life is a rat race where the best you can hope for at any given time is to keep just far enough ahead so that your tail doesn't get chewed completely off by the rats giving chase.

Ask the American single mom with a houseful of kids who loses her job and has to scramble to find decent healthcare how "entitled" she is. She doesn't want a billion dollars. She wants some basic sense of security. That is only too much to ask in a society that would rather line the pockets of already absurdly wealthy corporate interests + spend trillions on weapons of mass destruction.
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My friend, regardless of who you are in the United States of America, you've got to fight. While I sympathize with the impoverished and the unemployed, noone is entitled by law to a basic sense of security.

Whether or not you and I believe that to be unjust is besides the point, in the United States of America, we're expected to make our own futures.

There's lazy-assholes of every class and they're parasiting off of American industry. Need I direct you to the 115th U.S Congress (a bunch of spoiled rich brats who never worked real jobs)? Entitlement is a huge social problem.

Nowadays, many more people have access to achieving the American dream than they once did. The stock market isn't as exclusionary as it once was and it's going up by the day.

There is still opportunity in America and if we keep persisting, we might attain it. I have no illusions of a just world.
 
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There are a couple of possible reasons:
  • good girl is naive and thinks she can change him (6 out of 10 cases he's a narcissist that keeps her for his own gain and only for as long as she provides it, ready to drop her at any moment)
  • good girl is harboring illusions he really is a good guy underneath
  • initial animal magnetism due to complementary attitudes
  • good girl has massive insecurity issues that are superficially "solved" by attention from a person with that sort of image, making her feel somewhat "special" - those same issues possibly even induced by that same person in order to make her submissive for being made to feel unwanted
  • slumming
  • the good girl isn't really good and the bad boy is merely a reflection of her dark soul, weirdly making them a really good match
  • she confuses attention for feelings (although that might just be naiveté as well)
  • possibly a lot more
Mostly it's just the image of the bad guy - they don't actually go for really bad guys. Trust me, if the girl is really "good", it is only a temporary fancy infused by unrealistic cultural influences. Once she realises what's really going on, she will flip - unless there are circumstances that render flight too risky an endeavour to undertake. Also, good girls aren't princesses (nobody is, unless actually royalty) - just like the bad boy image for girls, the good girl image for guys is in most cases an empty house that dreams are projected into. I think you'll find that no girl is really like you expect her to be - that's just not how human beings work.
 
Icedream said:
Why do good girls like bad guys?
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Depends on the good girl to be quite frank. Not all of them like bad boys, and those that only seek bad boys have internal issues to deal with.

Me being called, “goody-two shoes” almost all my life can’t tolerate bad boys. Nothing attractive or appealing about them. Been approached quite a few of them too, not fun.

@Ginny has mentioned good reasonings. Insecurity, thrill, self-esteem issues, attraction, the need to change him to a “good man”, etc, etc.

Nonetheless, not all good girls seek bad boys except the naive and insecure ones. The good mature ones want someone that are like themselves—mature, even-tempered, looks aren’t hugely important (but attraction still needs to be there, just how it works), same level of values and perspectives, etc.
 
JennyDaniella said:
Depends on the good girl to be quite frank. Not all of them like bad boys, and those that only seek bad boys have internal issues to deal with.

Me being called, “goody-two shoes” almost all my life can’t tolerate bad boys. Nothing attractive or appealing about them. Been approached quite a few of them too, not fun.

@Ginny has mentioned good reasonings. Insecurity, thrill, self-esteem issues, attraction, the need to change him to a “good man”, etc, etc.

Nonetheless, not all good girls seek bad boys except the naive and insecure ones. The good mature ones want someone that are like themselves—mature, even-tempered, looks aren’t hugely important (but attraction still needs to be there, just how it works), same level of values and perspectives, etc.
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lol it was a reference.
 
There's nothing wrong with being polite but legitimately groveling down to women like a brown-nosing ass-kisser is pathetic. On the other hand, legitimately abusive behavior should not be condoned by anyone ever.

Secondly, a lot of people have this problem where they lead boring sedentary lives and expect a girlfriend/boyfriend to fall out of the sky. No, get off your ass and risk rejection if you're that pressed about it.
 
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