Online love

[Julia]

I met my love online, but we were mostly friends. I had respected his posts for a couple of years because he was both intelligent and fair-minded. I was invited by someone on that same forum to a chatroom where people would watch movies together and chat. I was going through a divorce at the time and so were a couple of others in that group, so it was helpful to have some outlet. I moved into my own apartment and started chatting with him on the phone and watching movies together, just the two of us. I was quite fond of him, but it is difficult to call it love in that scenario. The first time I flew out to meet him I was rather frightened because I didn't know what I was getting into for certain. I think if I had to wait longer to meet irl, it could have turned into love at a distance, but it's hard to know.

Looking back, I wonder how much was luck and how much was intuition because it has turned out to be an unusually good pairing. I sometimes try to revisit and figure out how much i was able to glean from the online interaction.

 

[Questingpoet]

What do you think? Can you love someone online?

How do you tell the difference between love and infatuation?

Yes, I think it is possible. As has already been said, it is more difficult and not something everyone would be able to do. A lot of it has to do with trust. I think it's much more likely in "NF" types. We have the natural feeling and empathy. We also have the intuition to see inside of people better (and thus develop the trust). I think "ST" types are liable to talk themselves out of it, even if they feel "something". They's need something concrete without Ni. Just a theory.

If you really know yourself, you can tell the difference between love and infatuation. With all that being said, yea I feel in love online.

 

[Feelings]

__Infatuation is a temporary madness that easily subsides into a casual spark. Love is a madness that stays with you till the end.

Hahaha! Yeah I have that, and I frequently think to myself "dude i'm so fucked" because certain emotional attachments I don't let go of, and I doubt I ever will. Err.. how could I? Even when you're not with someone, who they are doesn't change.

Maybe it's just what impresses me, but I just figure there are certain things that are not fake-able. So much of my communication is subtext. Very very few people will be highly synchronized with my subtext, and I doubt that anybody short of "mad genius" would be able to do it. And, I tend to pick up on incongruencies quite well, as per strong Ni.

 

[Introspiritual]

It's happened to me, so I'd have to say it's definitely possible.

 

[Morpheus]

I don't believe romantic love is possible via the internet: there is a physical quality and an immediate quality to love which, I think, can't be reached online. However, I don't see why you couldn't first meet a loved one through the internet.

 

[Faye]

Let's say, for arguments sake, that you were being completely honest with each other and that through your communication (messages, chat, pictures), you both get a vivid view into each other's lives and personality.

For those who said no, do you still think it's not possible?

Why on Earth would you give an honest picture of yourself to the other person if you're interested in them? To do that, you would have to be honest with yourself, and that is hard enough. Everyone puts their best self forward when they are interested in someone, and the internet only exacerbates that facade.

 

[Orion]

Why on Earth would you give an honest picture of yourself to the other person if you're interested in them?

Because you care about them? Because caring for that person means being honest with them. You would only be dishonest with that person and try to create some kind of idealized persona if you were insecure with yourself and if you felt that person wouldn't like you otherwise.

To do that, you would have to be honest with yourself, and that is hard enough. Everyone puts their best self forward when they are interested in someone, and the internet only exacerbates that facade.

Is it really that hard to comprehend that two people can actually be honest and real with each other? Even over the internet? I'm talking about if a real life relationship is very doable between the two.

 

[Bored Now]

Why on Earth would you give an honest picture of yourself to the other person if you're interested in them? To do that, you would have to be honest with yourself, and that is hard enough. Everyone puts their best self forward when they are interested in someone, and the internet only exacerbates that facade.

Every once in a while, you'll meet a person who just hits you weird. Its almost like you want to throw everything on the table, flaws and all, and just hope for the freaking best. You don't know if its going to work and you don't care if it hurts, but its almost like compulsion. You find yourself being ridiculously honest. The candor feels like intimacy and it just makes you feel even more... close and open at the same time. You give the most jaggedly honest picture of yourself, your triumphs and your vulnerabilities, because you want to be loved for who you are completely.

Don't pay attention to me. I don't think I'm explaining that correctly. *ponders that some more*

Topic: Yes you can find love online. If you're supremely honest and mostly brave.

 

[Orion]

(Big post)....

Topic: Yes you can find love online. If you're supremely honest and mostly brave.

Yes, that basically just summed it up for me.

 

[dneecey]

Every once in a while, you'll meet a person who just hits you weird. Its almost like you want to throw everything on the table, flaws and all, and just hope for the freaking best. You don't know if its going to work and you don't care if it hurts, but its almost like compulsion. You find yourself being ridiculously honest. The candor feels like intimacy and it just makes you feel even more... close and open at the same time. You give the most jaggedly honest picture of yourself, your triumphs and your vulnerabilities, because you want to be loved for who you are completely.

Okay, I'm just gonna throw it out there. I may be in love with this forum. I was talking to one of my best friends today and I told him of the site. I told him how he may come and visit and be completely taken back about how truly open I am with everything and everyone here. But then again, he's one of my best friends so he'll probably just do a face palm reaction, shake his head, laugh a little at me, and just say that that's me. In all honesty though, I do pretty much everything that Bored Now stated above ^^ here on this site, because I feel like I can.

I don't know what that means.. I must be crazy. *shakes head and laughs a little* In love with a forum.. go figure...

 

[IndigoSensor]

Online, I don't feel love with someone, however I feel something like it, and it is a twisted form of infatuation. It's very unhealthy if allowed to persist, as it can warp emotions relating to it. Online is fine, so long as it doesn't remain only online for more then a few weeks if there is a prospect of meeting.

 

[Timeless]

I don't think so.

I've done it when I was a teenager.

That actually did more harm then good to me.

Been there, done that.

I prefer to see, hear, touch, smell, and taste them in person. Glaring at the screen, turning up the volume, smelling the mass produced plastic and microchips, along with the taste of technology ain't fun.

layball:


That's romantic love I'm talking about, but "a love" for someone you can have anywhere. It's like saying "I Love Africa."

As for love and infatuation:

I think love is that steady, unmoving, unconditional feeling you have towards someone while infatuation is that high, idealistic, passionate feeling that dissipates after a while.

 

[enfp can be shy]

Love said it needs dinner.

 

[Roger]

I don't think so.

I've done it when I was a teenager.

That actually did more harm then good to me.

Been there, done that.

I prefer to see, hear, touch, smell, and taste them in person. Glaring at the screen, turning up the volume, smelling the mass produced plastic and microchips, along with the taste of technology ain't fun.

layball:


That's romantic love I'm talking about, but "a love" for someone you can have anywhere. It's like saying "I Love Africa."

As for love and infatuation:

I think love is that steady, unmoving, unconditional feeling you have towards someone while infatuation is that high, idealistic, passionate feeling that dissipates after a while.

I think exactly like you. It is very dangerous thing to love someone on net because you can't sense the opposite sex and may happen they are right or wrong, who knows?

I prefer to make best friends online. I will find and love my partner in real life. You have to meet your opposite sex personally, if you are thinking that you have love for her/him.

 

[Lord Xephere]

I have tried the online thing and it didn't work for me. I met this girl through myspace and we were talking for a few years. I have never actually seen her in person, but for some reason it got to the point where I really liked her. About a year ago, I actually had the nerve to ask her to be my "online girlfriend". She seemed okay with it at first, but after that she just vanished. For some reason hasn't logged into her Myspace since last March. I even sent her an email on Valentines day.....nothing. After this mysterious "disappearance", I started to wonder if she was even a real person to begin with. She gave me her number and I tried calling it, but it was saying that I needed a four-digit code. I also remembered giving her my number on one occasion, but I have never heard anything from her.

If anyone is considering doing any kind of online dating, make sure that you get to talk to them on the phone at some point so that you can truly get to know the person. If you know the person well enough then you can probably meet them in person, but be cautious. If the "relationship" doesn't go beyond the chat window, it's not really a relationship.

 

[Timeless]

I think exactly like you. It is very dangerous thing to love someone on net because you can't sense the opposite sex and may happen they are right or wrong, who knows?

I prefer to make best friends online. I will find and love my partner in real life. You have to meet your opposite sex personally, if you are thinking that you have love for her/him.

Yeah, even in person while beauty may be apparent at first glance, people can still misrepresent themselves by showing their representatives, or a real good fancy mask—if you know what I mean.

The worst thing to do is play back by having a cooler mask.

That's another thing I had to go through, I guess this is why I come across very direct to any lady that catches my interest—to push aside all pretenses and stuff.

I have tried the online thing and it didn't work for me. I met this girl through myspace and we were talking for a few years. I have never actually seen her in person, but for some reason it got to the point where I really liked her. About a year ago, I actually had the nerve to ask her to be my "online girlfriend". She seemed okay with it at first, but after that she just vanished. For some reason hasn't logged into her Myspace since last March. I even sent her an email on Valentines day.....nothing. After this mysterious "disappearance", I started to wonder if she was even a real person to begin with. She gave me her number and I tried calling it, but it was saying that I needed a four-digit code. I also remembered giving her my number on one occasion, but I have never heard anything from her.

If anyone is considering doing any kind of online dating, make sure that you get to talk to them on the phone at some point so that you can truly get to know the person. If you know the person well enough then you can probably meet them in person, but be cautious. If the "relationship" doesn't go beyond the chat window, it's not really a relationship.

Imagine this:

You end up at the Greyhound station, far away from home:

You see a car pull up, you're excited. You're finally going to meet her:

And instead of seeing the pretty girl you saw in the pictures you see this coming out:

She was huge, even besides that she ended up being :crazy:. That's another reason why I dislike the online stuff, anyone can put up a persona, even crop/edit pictures, and nowadays Photoshop

 

[enfp can be shy]

That is one beautiful animal.

 

[Roger]

I have tried the online thing and it didn't work for me. I met this girl through myspace and we were talking for a few years. I have never actually seen her in person, but for some reason it got to the point where I really liked her. About a year ago, I actually had the nerve to ask her to be my "online girlfriend". She seemed okay with it at first, but after that she just vanished. For some reason hasn't logged into her Myspace since last March. I even sent her an email on Valentines day.....nothing. After this mysterious "disappearance", I started to wonder if she was even a real person to begin with. She gave me her number and I tried calling it, but it was saying that I needed a four-digit code. I also remembered giving her my number on one occasion, but I have never heard anything from her.

If anyone is considering doing any kind of online dating, make sure that you get to talk to them on the phone at some point so that you can truly get to know the person. If you know the person well enough then you can probably meet them in person, but be cautious. If the "relationship" doesn't go beyond the chat window, it's not really a relationship.

Hey, Here i am reverse of you. I met one girl online, one day she told me something like: If i would have given him(XYZ) feelings, he might have fallen in love me. I hate this and it hurt me. She tells she loves me and in reply i said I don't deserve your love and i am not your hero because i have one reason, you are not person, you think feelings are toy for you. Playful thing, but it is not. Love is not play, it is love. Try to understand.

She never knew what is love? I am sure she will never know And tells me lot of things about it. I hate such girls who think, boys are under control of them.

 

[Roger]

Yeah, even in person while beauty may be apparent at first glance, people can still misrepresent themselves by showing their representatives, or a real good fancy mask—if you know what I mean.

The worst thing to do is play back by having a cooler mask.

That's another thing I had to go through, I guess this is why I come across very direct to any lady that catches my interest—to push aside all pretenses and stuff.

The person who is already wearing so many mask, no one can love the person. It is impossible. I can understand what you mean. Even if mask is master-piece, you will not fall in love with them online, i am saying.

 

[Gaze]

I'm not sure if "love" can fully develop using online communication alone, but it is fairly easy to become infatuated with someone online, based on who they appear to be. And that infatuation can feel like the real thing. Even the sense that someone understands you and "gets" you can feel like more is there than there really is. It's tricky. As many here have said, sometimes those online know things or know more about you than friends or family, but they won't know the complete you until you meet and honestly, get to know them well, if they are trustworthy enough to get to know.