People Demanding Affirmation

Wyote said:
People who are demanding affirmation are in some sort of state of suffering. You can choose to allow them to suffer and learn on their own, or you can try to understand their suffering and walk the path back to peace with them. It's up to you to figure out if you are in a good position to walk with them or not, and respect them if they do not feel comfortable traveling that path with another person. It's not appropriate to force or divert them down your own path.
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Quoted for truth
 
Kgal said:
Simply by actively listening you help a person move away from fear and in to calm.
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You know @Flavus Aquila I was going to suggest something along the the lines of Kgals post. Since Kgal stole my idea, I need a new one.

Active listening is a great idea, but if you're not careful can lead to a bit of empathy. If that's not really your flavor of bird drink, I suggest being the guy everyone hates... The one upper. Not matter what anyone says, if it's bad news or drama, yours is worse, if it's good news, yours is better. If someone wants recognition, list all the reasons you should be recognized before them. Just make stuff up. Do that enough and pretty soon no one will want to talk to you... Freedom!
 
Anywhere But Here said:
When a person over-exaggerates something ridiculous that has happened to them (basically the problem was created specifically to get attention) I have a hard time holding back my thoughts about it. Sometimes I will shut down, walk away, or go blank and bare the abuse until it passes (out of respect for the environment). Or, I call them out on it.

Circumstances matter but if it is affecting you then you should do something about it. Calm and in control communication. State the problem to the person, give them your perspective, hear them out, and then see where it goes from there. It usually doesn't go well because people do not like to be called out on their shit. What you would be doing is pointing out a major flaw in their character and it hurts these individuals to know that someone sees them differently then how they have tried to portray themselves. You are telling them that they are not perfect which equals failure in their minds. So you should expect the tables to be turned on you (go in prepared) in anger.

It may seem harsh, but this is (at times) exactly what is needed.

If the problem is affecting you or people that you care about, then you should act on moving towards a solution.

My take.
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Wyote said:
People who are demanding affirmation are in some sort of state of suffering. You can choose to allow them to suffer and learn on their own, or you can try to understand their suffering and walk the path back to peace with them. It's up to you to figure out if you are in a good position to walk with them or not, and respect them if they do not feel comfortable traveling that path with another person. It's not appropriate to force or divert them down your own path.
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Some people will have a life long trait of needing affirmation, without much chance of improvement. It's characteristic of several personality disorders. It's not something I can fix... so it's something I want to side-step... "live and let live". Apparently ignoring requests for affirmation don't go over too well, but I also don't want to get drawn into giving something which doesn't actually make a difference and that I'm not at ease with to start with.

The classic example is: "What do you think of my new hair style?"
I just want out without saying anything about someone's hair, without causing a scene.

Perhaps: "Don't know, don't care" is what I want to say... but if some big Fe-kers can give me some practical examples without the whole worldview it would be handy.

I'm basically after the polite version of non-response.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
There's a bloody annoying trait/trend on the rise of people demanding affirmation. At every turn there's someone getting in the way with fake drama, or outright demands for affirmation that they're a good person.

How do you deal with these pushy-needy pests?
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Sometimes I'll send out some fake reassurance to make someone feel better. No biggie. However if someone becomes too needy, I'll disengage.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
"What do you think of my new hair style?"
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Flavus Aquila said:
I'm basically after the polite version of non-response.
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If you have to have a non response to things like this then you've got some problems of your own to work out. Just be kind/neutral. If their needs/attention seeking becomes overly persistent in your eyes just politely point it out in an honest genuine way. Tact and patience solves most confusion while allowing both sides to give and receive messages properly.
 
If it bothers you that people are asking you for your opinion on things you feel they shouldnt be asking you about, a polite and corrective response is to smile and say: 'it doesn't matter what I think. What matters is what you think,' and leave it at that.
 
I find I have no time for it. Though I can't remember the last time I encountered someone like this. If not reacting like was stated previously in this thread doesn't work, I would just walk away saying nothing.
 
Eventhorizon said:
I would just walk away saying nothing
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Wyote said:
If you have to have a non response to things like this then you've got some problems of your own to work out. Just be kind/neutral. If their needs/attention seeking becomes overly persistent in your eyes just politely point it out in an honest genuine way. Tact and patience solves most confusion while allowing both sides to give and receive messages properly.
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It's becoming an increasingly common interaction. Inquiry about others is being replaced by inquiring about self of others.

If you wish to speculate about personal issues I might or might not have, I invite you to keep that to your own self.

Nevertheless, I will try calling out people seeking affirmation. For example, "if it's affirmation you want, look inside yourself for the answer."
 
Flavus Aquila said:
If you wish to speculate about personal issues I might or might not have, I invite you to keep that to your own self.
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Ok but please don't update me on your haircuts :)

Flavus Aquila said:
Nevertheless, I will try calling out people seeking affirmation. For example, "if it's affirmation you want, look inside yourself for the answer."
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It's almost as if you understand empathy. I'm scared.
 
Wyote said:
Ok but please don't update me on your haircuts :)



It's almost as if you understand empathy. I'm scared.
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I understand
ezra said:
I love this thread
It's like robots asking humans how to display emotions lol
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It's like me trying to ignore needy show ponies, without them getting butthurt and becoming even more annoying than their default level.
 
Flavus Aquila said:
It's becoming an increasingly common interaction. Inquiry about others is being replaced by inquiring about self of others.

If you wish to speculate about personal issues I might or might not have, I invite you to keep that to your own self.

Nevertheless, I will try calling out people seeking affirmation. For example, "if it's affirmation you want, look inside yourself for the answer."
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What about, "I don't have an opinion."
 
Flavus Aquila said:
It's like me trying to ignore needy show ponies, without them getting butthurt and becoming even more annoying than their default level.
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If Flavus Bot 3000 wants me to teach him how to converse with homo sapiens he can feel free to send me a private message on his computing machine
 
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