It was a date with destiny.
I wanted to let Ni percolate before doing this post, giving credit where it is due.
It was the first time I encountered the intuitive INFJ male. I am impressed. No therapist could ever figure the following out:
@Wyote – after a few masterful strokes you have placed your finger on my shadow. The competitive spider (fear).
I had recurring dreams as a child of myself riding races on a large spider against other people also on large spiders – or hiding inside it – almost like when children play in a make shift tent – but others were doing it too. We did not engage with each other – but only with our own spiders.
According to Bowlby’s theory of imprinting – I realize now that I did not imprint on my mother but on Fear. I am the counter-phobic 6.
My second saboteur is the co-dependent. When I must charge a fee to a client – I usually undercharge – I cannot for the life of me hurt someone in extracting money from him. The shadow comes in when I trade on the stock exchange. As I see no faces – the compassion is not there – only the strategy. My father taught me to play cards and chess well. He used to play chess blindfolded against his friends. More than one person at a time – and win.
@aeon - It is not about being strong. We are only as strong as our weakest part. For that we have no glass ball. I just know that disaster converged when I was project managing the building of our home without my husband’s support at the time – he worked in another country – and due to the burnout came down with the consequences of mercury poisoning. I had a nervous breakdown.
In retrospect, I would give myself not a 50/50 chance to survive a major crisis. I am less sure of my inner reserves than you are, but you are maybe seeing something I cannot for which I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Observance of the Enneagram 6 with the SP / SX stack :
Maybe it is useful for someone else with this presentation, so I want to share what I observed in myself about emotional intimacy.
Freedom, for me, is more important than belonging as SO is the weakest instinct. I can not balance myself with connection –I become unbalanced when I connect. That is not necessarily healthy. I realize that intimate connection is, for someone like me, a large challenge. I overcome when I experience connection more as a universal love experience and then in a more detached and objective way. That is more balancing to me. In that sense I am elephant cow and not a lioness who want to stay in close proximity to a male. I noticed this behavior in my INTJ husband too – we operate more like a team than lovers and it is comfortable, as the smothering is too much for both of us.
I also feel, maybe incorrectly, that I will have to step back from something like The INFJ Forum from time to time to reflect. There are parts of it that could be an echo chamber and I am afraid I will lose myself in it.
In giving credit though, I only seem to figure out things in connection with others that function like me, which is why I joined it and it has been a very insightful journey up to now.
To all I encountered and who have been supportive to this incredibly awkward social being so far- thank you and all the best with your own journeys of self discovery.
I only wish you to experience the benefits of healing those parts of you that hurt.
We all have them.