Public vs. private aspects of relationships

[Gaze]

How do you manage the private vs. public face of your relationship?


I was just thinking how much our public display or show of being in a relationship has changed. In some ways, people are more private, but in others people are more public about the issues they face as a couple. People who don't hide their personal feelings including disagreements in the relationship. They talk about intimacy, etc. However, they also play down other aspects of their relationship, so that a relationship can appear on the surface like just another friendship when they are in public or social situations, while others may be very obvious about their status as a couple or their feelings about each other. It also probably varies based on how long a couple has been together. I am including show of physical affection in this as well.

Thoughts?

 

[Tilheyra]

I have to consider the environment that I am in before I can be comfortable showing affection publicly. One never knows how one man showing affection to another man is going to be perceived.

Having studied relationships from a communication perspective I can say that couples will often show their affection is some public form to solidify the relationship to themselves, and make the relationship known to their communities. This is also the stage where the couple spend almost every waking moment together, thus potentially severing ties with other people that one or both members of the couple know. Other couples, of course, keep this stage private, and thus disappear from the face of the earth for a while.

 

[Nixie]

In Native culture you have to be veeeerry careful about publicizing a relationship. The idea of family is greatly amplified which magnifies people feeling like they have a say so in your life. So if you make it known you are a "couple" versus "snagging" then that carries weight in your community. Certain gifts and actions carry significant meaning so you have to be aware that your actions will tell others how serious you are as a couple that have nothing to do with sucking face or holding hands.

I am very private about my feelings and actions toward a partner. I am very reserved and shun overt displays of PDA. That being said, I find my happiness at being coupled with someone will sometimes override these natural tendencies. I would say that the happier I am, the harder it is to resist being more overtly outspoken/communicative about the relationship.

 

[sassafras]

I rarely come out in public about a relationship unless the relationship has been firmly established. During the early stages of a relationship, people tend to be on their best behaviour and everyone is optimistic and happy and everything is so shiny and new. You're a couple, but it's rare to have an instant connection that is compatible in the long term. If you start coming out in public about it, and it falls apart, everyone knows your business. They want to know 'what happened to that guy,' 'why it didn't work out,' and tell you 'aw, I'm sorry,' 'plenty of fish in the sea' and they make it bigger deal than it actually was. I rather wait and see before I start to open up about seeing anyone.

As for when I am in an established relationship, I'm usually casual about it. I don't share intimate information about my love life, but I won't keep my relationship entirely a secret either. Like, if my boyfriend did something cute this morning and it's appropriate and relevant to the conversation, I'll mention it. However, if my boyfriend and I are having difficulties, I will not discuss it with anyone unless it's something serious that I really need perspective on and the person I'm talking to is not connected to us in anyway. Asking friends for relationship advice is a big no-no for me. It's not that I don't trust my friends, it's just that talking to people tends to make things more "real" for me and it intensifies my feelings about something, often unnecessarily. This is especially the case when the friend in question is telling me what I want to hear rather than what I need to hear. I get that they're trying to be supportive and I appreciate it, but the kind of people I'm friends with in RL tend to rile me up more than they bring me down to earth.

And don't even get me started on my mother. She brings up boyfriend problems I had in middle school and attempts to apply them to the current situation in a massive, all-purpose grab-bag of advice for LIFE.