Reconnecting With Old Friends

[Trifoilum]

Uh, so you see; I was basically told to reconnect with some old friends. Thing is, I..don't...know how.

Quite often it stopped on the same traphole; the past. So I ended up focusing on the past, in some cases even turning back to my past self. I can understand why; bring the present into the fray, and I feel like talking to an unknown person. I don't know why this or that were happening.... who is this guy or girl I'm seeing infront of me? Why are they different? I am / was close with them, but why now we're so far away? I'm neutral with the difference, sad for the distance that's widening, but I don't like the confusion. But I hate being focused on the past the most.

Any advices on how could I jump over this hurdle? How do you reconnect with your old friends?

 

[Phoenix Down]

You find them and say
"dude, it's (friend's name/nickname they probably don't go by anymore). How you been doing?"
If they're polite they'll something like "pretty good, how about yourself?"
To which you should probably reply "Pretty good myself."
At this point you have 2 viable dialogue options.
-So I -herd u liek mudkipz- heard you were doing (activity) how's that been going for you?
-Still (appropriate participle that corresponds with activity you used to do) (activity you used to do together)

People change, but they're still them. You just haven't been keeping up. There's no shame in that. stuff happens. Whatever. Just treat them like an old friend you haven't seen/talked to in forever (because they are).

Remember, the second you start keeping up with your friend (and you actually have to keep up... not just check in on them every now and again) the distance stops widening.

 

[Sloe Djinn]

E-mails can be a less-daunting way to reconnect. Just let them know what you've been up to, and ask the same from them. Let them know that you're wondering how they've been doing because it's been a while. If they show signs of interest in their reply, then maybe it's worthwhile to make a phone call or get together. Otherwise, no harm no foul.

I'm kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum. I've lately started to let go of my desire to keep in touch as I sense little interest on the part of friends who have moved on, probably for the same reasons that you cited in your post.

 

[KazeCraven]

I've had very little experience with this (did it with only one friend), and I had the luxury to go by and visit since he lives only a few minutes away from me, but basically I just contacted him through FB, took an interest in what he's up to, and spent time with him regarding shared interests.

In some ways I can relate a lot to what you're dealing with, only it's somewhat in reverse. I've gone through a big self-discovery phase recently that's only now just ending, and there are some people (I'll call them quasi-friends) who I just couldn't be around anymore because they activated my past self. And in some ways, if you want to stay out of the past, I think you have to relate to old friends as if they were new acquaintances.

It only worked with my old friend because he's REALLY changed externally since I last was close to him and we share an entirely new interest. Essentially, new context but same chemistry. Also, he's very extroverted and very interested in his friends so you could say he was quite welcoming to the possibility (and quite helpful in exposing me to other people might I add).

 

[Trifoilum]

You find them and say
"dude, it's (friend's name/nickname they probably don't go by anymore). How you been doing?"
If they're polite they'll something like "pretty good, how about yourself?"
To which you should probably reply "Pretty good myself."
At this point you have 2 viable dialogue options.
-So I -herd u liek mudkipz- heard you were doing (activity) how's that been going for you?
-Still (appropriate participle that corresponds with activity you used to do) (activity you used to do together)

People change, but they're still them. You just haven't been keeping up. There's no shame in that. stuff happens. Whatever. Just treat them like an old friend you haven't seen/talked to in forever (because they are).

Remember, the second you start keeping up with your friend (and you actually have to keep up... not just check in on them every now and again) the distance stops widening.

I've had very little experience with this (did it with only one friend), and I had the luxury to go by and visit since he lives only a few minutes away from me, but basically I just contacted him through FB, took an interest in what he's up to, and spent time with him regarding shared interests.

Looking through them, it was a good sample. Thanks. It sounds..hard, but I'll try. And totally agreed that I have to keep up. *sigh* personally, totally my weakest link.

E-mails can be a less-daunting way to reconnect. Just let them know what you've been up to, and ask the same from them. Let them know that you're wondering how they've been doing because it's been a while. If they show signs of interest in their reply, then maybe it's worthwhile to make a phone call or get together. Otherwise, no harm no foul.

Yeah, e-mail sounds good. In my social circle it doesn't get used often, though. We often uses either IMs or facebook walls. (which, IMO, kinda hinders the choice of words...or maybe it's an Introvert's perspective).

I'm kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum. I've lately started to let go of my desire to keep in touch as I sense little interest on the part of friends who have moved on, probably for the same reasons that you cited in your post.

In some ways I can relate a lot to what you're dealing with, only it's somewhat in reverse. I've gone through a big self-discovery phase recently that's only now just ending, and there are some people (I'll call them quasi-friends) who I just couldn't be around anymore because they activated my past self. And in some ways, if you want to stay out of the past, I think you have to relate to old friends as if they were new acquaintances.

It only worked with my old friend because he's REALLY changed externally since I last was close to him and we share an entirely new interest. Essentially, new context but same chemistry. Also, he's very extroverted and very interested in his friends so you could say he was quite welcoming to the possibility (and quite helpful in exposing me to other people might I add).

And I've been there too. But am I the only one who begin to thought where's the point where their disinterest ends and our disinterest begin...?
But the bolded part's a good thought to start.

 

[not sure]

In response to the OP. I have this problem also and it is the reason I have such difficulty when friends move away. When we meet again, I feel as if I'm talking to a stranger and the discomfort is extraordinary. Keeping in contact by email, letters or phone helps but just a little.

 

[Galileo]

if they are on any kind of social network like facebook, and you are too, add them and read their profile and so on, get an idea of what they might be like now, and interact with them there.

I've been reconnecting with a lot of old friends this way.

However I've also just randomly run into old friends and suddenly been faced with the whole idea of reconnecting straight away with people I hadn't seen in years which was mostly my doing because I'd been doing other stuff.

But PD has it right. they are still the people they once were and as long as the friendship was made when you were both mature enough, are probably still going to be quite happy to reconnect with you.