Satisfaction versus "Settling"

Appoggiatura

Appoggiatura

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MBTI
INFJ
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I don't know
Wellll, haven't been on this forum in a long time.

Anyway, this was always something I've been wondering about in general (and for personal reasons...).

At what point do you know whether you're truly satisfied with your significant other (She/He is the best, and I can't find anyone else like her/him!) or you're just settling for whom you have (She/He is wonderful. There could be better people out there for me, but she/he is still a great match for me.)? I guess this could be approached in a practical manner because not everyone can find the "perfect" relationship where both people involved complement and love each other absolutely.
 
If you think about cheating a lot or fantasize about being with someone else a lot.. Then you may be settling!
 
I don't know either, but I would really like to know.
To me, it seems really easy to settle, since I easily appreciate people's strengths and like pretty much everyone.

O.O
 
True satisfaction is when having her love is enough - irrespective of whatever other shortcomings/flaws/deficiencies she might have/develop.
 
I think it's different for each person.

for me it was the realisation that I want a child with my husband. No man has ever made me feel that way before, and up until last year, children was something I totally wanted to avoid.

there's just a feeling I can't explain. knowing completely in your heart and mind that the person you're with is the one you want to be with forever. sometimes people get that feeling confused, but it's difficult.
 
Appoggiatura said:
Wellll, haven't been on this forum in a long time.

Anyway, this was always something I've been wondering about in general (and for personal reasons...).

At what point do you know whether you're truly satisfied with your significant other (She/He is the best, and I can't find anyone else like her/him!) or you're just settling for whom you have (She/He is wonderful. There could be better people out there for me, but she/he is still a great match for me.)? I guess this could be approached in a practical manner because not everyone can find the "perfect" relationship where both people involved complement and love each other absolutely.
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I'm not sure what you're getting at when you say truly satisfied. Satisfaction is being happy with what you have... but enough with the nit picking, I think know what you're trying to get at.

At what point do you know He/she/it (dude... Tardis/Dr.Who) is the one? Precisely at that point in time.

From practical standpoint, I find it hard to believe that anyone finds the perfect relationship. At least not by chance. You have to know what you want (and I don't mean a person), know it's out there, and to look beyond your present situation.

I guess what I'm saying is you don't look for the person. You look for the relationship. And here's the cool thing, its easy to tell when you've struck gold. you know when you like a person, because you want to be around them. And you know when you can't stand someone because... well you can't stand to be around them.

Relationships are investments, and as such there are opportunities for growth.
 
I am far from a relationship expert, but I love to observe and learn. And one thing I've noticed is that the number of people who say they've found their "soulmate" in life is in the minority. As part of the majority, I think you have relationships where one or both members feels they have "settled". Then, you have relationships where one or both members think they've found a "real catch": someone "out of their league". And, I think you can find relationships where it seems like the members are a good fit, but one or both of them gradually thinks differently.

I've also seen family members in relationships who were with a great partner, became a widow/widower, and eventually found another great partner. But that never would've happened, had their first spouse still been living. I just think for some people there is more than one person for you, it's just a matter of whether or not you end up finding them or not.
 
I am far from a relationship expert, but I love to observe and learn. And one thing I've noticed is that the number of people who say they've found their "soulmate" in life is in the minority. As part of the majority, I think you have relationships where one or both members feels they have "settled". Then, you have relationships where one or both members think they've found a "real catch": someone "out of their league". And, I think you can find relationships where it seems like the members are a good fit, but one or both of them gradually thinks differently.
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Agreed. The spectrum isn't just satisfaction and settling; And for the uglier side of the spectrum, there's 'settling for less'.

But for simplicity's sake...I think the difference between satisfaction and settling....is that settling is a hue lower than satisfaction.
When you stop feeling satisfaction, the feeling of settling comes rushing in. "I know they don't give me much happiness, but it could be much worse."

So I think it's gauged by the feelings itself. Settling feels more....neutral, more desaturated, than being satisfied, if you catch my drift.
 
My refusal to "settle" might be part of what brought me here learning about the INFJ type:

Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
 
Well, do you know an actual person that you are sure would actually be better? The grass always seems greener, and we can also always imagine something better than what we have, so controlling for that, if there is someone else out there that you know would be better, then yes you are settling.

But I also think that if you and the person you are with decide to make the most of it and work to do that, then you have not actually settled. I think that if you find someone wonderful and commit to them, then you can make the most out of that and be completely satisfied. That might just be INFJ idealism speaking, though. I also don't believe in perfect partners or perfect people.
 
I think we find the mate we like through intuition.

During a party, I surprisingly found a girl who didn't actively try to seduce me. Nor was she boring. Actually, she introduced herself to me while we were in a semi-private place in the house. I read through her face and manner that she was interested in me. Rarely does a girl introduce herself to me except if 1. she's an extrovert who enjoys meeting people left and right, 2. she's trying to get attention for attention's sake, 3. she's being desperate or hasty (no offense to women). This girl was neither, and I found her respectfulness and gentleness charming. It gave me a sense that she was not only attractive in appearance but also willing to give me the space to respond. It was intuition that made me like her.
 
Goblue72 said:
My refusal to "settle" might be part of what brought me here learning about the INFJ type:

Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
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^This.

And there's no such thing as 'perfect mate', but you can actually drawn to a particular person to a point that you think he or she is the best for you along with his or her advantages and disadvantages.
 
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