Sh** tests

ClevelandINTP said:
Ti is literally asking for things to be articulated in a way that’s understandable

It was rhetorical
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You're operating under the assumption that you are some kind of superior person, which is pretty comical.
I understand the context of things here.
 
Wyote said:
Basically, you are approaching "shit testing" in the context of women testing men, as a way of securing some sort of alpha status.
I am not interpreting it this way at all. And that is the source of our confusion here.
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It goes both ways

It’s more socially acceptable for women to do it, though. Hence, the inconsistency I am trying to understand
 
Wyote said:
You're operating under the assumption that you are some kind of superior person, which is pretty comical.
I understand the context of things here.
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Dude, no one is trying to act superior

Glad you’re getting a laugh out of it
 
ClevelandINTP said:
It goes both ways

It’s more socially acceptable for women to do it, though. Hence, the inconsistency I am trying to understand
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Now we're getting somewhere
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Fair enough

It was asked from a feminist angle, though

Like it seems a bit hypocritical to want social equality and be the side that has more grace when shit testing
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I understand. I think it boils down to there being different types of women and also recognizing that a woman asking reasonable questions of a potential date is not necessarily "shit testing", while other women are engaging in shit testing.

I just told my SO what I wouldn't put up with instead of grilling him. :tearsofjoy: (It was just the usual stuff like no cheating, no drugs, no abuse....)
Hypothetically, if I met someone online I'd be more likely to grill them just to make sure they were who they claimed and I'd expect the same in return.
 
ClevelandINTP said:
I’ve only said it like 3x
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Yes but now you've stated the importance of this element to me directly, in an open way.
I think it's more socially acceptable for women to test men, and men to test men.
I could venture a guess, which is something along the lines of building social capital.
But I don't give a fuck about this topic, I only give a fuck about you and the people here on an individual basis.
 
Asa said:
I understand. I think it boils down to there being different types of women and also recognizing that a woman asking reasonable questions of a potential date is not necessarily "shit testing", while other women are engaging in shit testing.

I just told my SO what I wouldn't put up with instead of grilling him. :tearsofjoy: (It was just the usual stuff like no cheating, no drugs, no abuse....)
Hypothetically, if I met someone online I'd be more likely to grill them just to make sure they were who they claimed and I'd expect the same in return.
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Literally or figuratively who they claim?

I mean, this stuff can go on for several months in a relationship

It’s like borderline abusive
 
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Wyote said:
Yes but now you've stated the importance of this element to me directly, in an open way.
I think it's more socially acceptable for women to test men, and men to test men.
I could venture a guess, which is something along the lines of building social capital.
But I don't give a fuck about this topic, I only give a fuck about you and the people here on an individual basis.
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My question is why is that socially acceptable who let that dynamic exist and be perpetuated
 
ClevelandINTP said:
My question is why is that socially acceptable who let that dynamic exist and be perpetuated
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I am guessing it's just a natural dynamic born out of some psychological needs.
It has something to do with "play" and how we are raised learning how to play, or not.
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Literally or figuratively who they claim?

I mean, this stuff can go on for several months in a relationship

It’s like borderline abusive
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I meant literally. If this is your experience I think you should find a different woman. I realize how difficult that may seem, but if someone is both grilling you and belittling you for months it is abuse, and also reeks of insecurity and the need for her to develop as a human being.

That said,

I don't really want to get deep into this, but a lot of grilling and sizing men up is taught to women from childhood by their elders because we are coming from, and still live in to some extent, a society where a woman's worth was attached to the reputation and social standing of her husband. It is impossible to shed centuries of this mentality overnight.
 
Asa said:
I meant literally. If this is your experience I think you should find a different woman. I realize how difficult that may seem, but if someone is both grilling you and belittling you for months it is abuse, and also reeks of insecurity and the need for her to develop as a human being.

That said,

I don't really want to get deep into this, but a lot of grilling and sizing men up is taught to women from childhood by their elders because we are coming from, and still live in to some extent, a society where a woman's worth was attached to the reputation and social standing of her husband. It is impossible to shed centuries of this mentality overnight.
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Thank you. The latter is intriguing. Just seems weird to determine someone’s worth by treating them like garbage
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Thank you. The latter is intriguing. Just seems weird to determine someone’s worth by treating them like garbage
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I agree.
Negging is the same, though, no? (I don't like the concept of negging, either.)

Anyone truly interested in forming a bond should be supportive and encouraging. That's my POV, anyway.
 
ClevelandINTP said:
In dating, it’s usually scheming

From the Internet:
https://lifeoperatingsystem.com/pass-shit-tests/

https://www.masculinedevelopment.com/pass-shit-test-2-strategies/

There are literally books on it
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IJLQCYA/?tag=infjs-20
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Ah, www.sensordating.com. Gotcha. ;)

Now for a serious reply, I am against shit tests. There, directly proclaimed. Both from women to men, and men to women.

I actually took the time to read those websites too (can't partake in the discussion if you don't know what it's about), and, my god, I can't even imagine saying the things mentioned to men (or people in general) unless I meant it.

What a colossal waste of time.
 
Lady Jolanda said:
Ah, www.sensordating.com. Gotcha. ;)

Now for a serious reply, I am against shit tests. There, directly proclaimed. Both from women to men, and men to women.

I actually took the time to read those websites too (can't partake in the discussion if you don't know what it's about), and, my god, I can't even imagine saying the things mentioned to men (or people in general) unless I meant it.

What a colossal waste of time.
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In my experience, intuitive types are more likely to do it

Even though it seems like a sensor thing
 
Asa said:
I meant literally. If this is your experience I think you should find a different woman. I realize how difficult that may seem, but if someone is both grilling you and belittling you for months it is abuse, and also reeks of insecurity and the need for her to develop as a human being.

That said,

I don't really want to get deep into this, but a lot of grilling and sizing men up is taught to women from childhood by their elders because we are coming from, and still live in to some extent, a society where a woman's worth was attached to the reputation and social standing of her husband. It is impossible to shed centuries of this mentality overnight.
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Why do you think this approach is being adopted more?

It appears that way to me anyways
 
ClevelandINTP said:
Why do you think this approach is being adopted more?

It appears that way to me anyways
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I don't know.
"The Game" made negging popular and that was geared toward men. I'm guessing there is a similar root for shit testing. There has to be a root for the trend: a book, a show, a movie... something.

Being 'fake mean' and sarcastic may just be a person's flirtation style in some cases.

Some of the examples given in one of your links are a bit weird. "I have a boyfriend," is not a shit test. It's usually a safe way for the woman to say, "I'm not interested," without angering the man. Women who don't have boyfriends often use it because saying they belong to a man is safer than saying, "No."
(If a woman uses her fake 'boyfriend' as a shit test you don't want to date her anyway. It hints that she is OK with cheating.)

If I were you and a person shit tested me by insulting me, I'd confidently tell them I'm not interested in rudeness and move on. If she is worth any more of your time she will apologize.


It's possible Intuitives would use social trends like shit testing and negging more because Intuitives are stuck in their heads and socially awkward, even those of us with Fe, so we are more likely to latch onto social trends to hide that complete ineptness with human interaction. LOL!

Shit testing and negging sound like a major case of immaturity to me.
 
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